I own a binder, I brought it a few months ago. It's not a perfect binder - I don't look flat when I wear it, just flatter - but I like it.

The problem is my family. They're very averse to binding, especially my mom. She thinks it's too tight and dangerous; it'll "block my blood flow" and hurt my breasts. When I wear it she gets in a bad mood and complains about it. They wouldn't let me wear it outside. My parents even once tried to give away my binder to a relative but I hid it from them when they tried.

I don't know what to do. I don't like going outside with my chest exposed but I hate wearing clothes that help cover it up, like button downs and hoodies.

I can't move out anytime soon either. Is there a way for me to get them to accept this?

You could try in a very very calm manner to politely tell them that you're a young adult and its your body, other than that no idea :3

You said that she think it's dangerous and that it'll stop your blood flow.

Look up some facts online about binding and show them to her so she'll realize it's safe. Then she'll have no reason to argue with you.

Get the facts and show them that binding, when done safely, is safe.  Blood flow = non issue.  That's just nonsense.  But with regards to hurting your chest, yeah it can, if it's too tight but you're saying it's not so that's a non issue, so tell them that.  However, it DOES change them for life.  They become saggier and more malleable so I guess in a way it sort of damages them with regards to elasticity and overall look, and that could concern them.  But it doesn't painfully hurt them.

Quote from: Psycho on September 29, 2013, 09:42:13 PM
You said that she think it's dangerous and that it'll stop your blood flow.

Look up some facts online about binding and show them to her so she'll realize it's safe. Then she'll have no reason to argue with you.

>_> i think thats going to be hard to find anything medically proven that its safe, its really at an honest level, not that great for your body, your ribs can warp and break and all sorts  - and thats using a proper binder too, not just the oddballs that use duct tape, if his mother was to google it herself she'd lose her mind! if he picks and chooses what to show her, she might go ahead and google it anyway. just my thoughts

Quote>_> i think thats going to be hard to find anything medically proven that its safe, its really at an honest level, not that great for your body, your ribs can warp and break and all sorts  - and thats using a proper binder too, not just the oddballs that use duct tape, if his mother was to google it herself she'd lose her mind! if he picks and chooses what to show her, she might go ahead and google it anyway. just my thoughts

Eh, maybe you're right. It was just an idea

Well, women in track bind their chests so their chests don't bounce so much.  Maybe he could tell them he's doing more running and therefore needs to?  I dunno.

Binders are no more worse for your breasts/chest than a bra. :/ One is just doing a little more compression - akin to a sports bra. I think it might be time to sit down with your parents and have a serious discussion about this. Ask them why they are so uncomfortable with letting you practice control over your body, acknowledge their concerns, and try to be as calm and mature about it as you can. They can still say no, but at least you can say you handled it with grace and dignity.

Quote from: kaiju on September 29, 2013, 10:06:19 PM
Binders are no more worse for your breasts/chest than a bra. :/ One is just doing a little more compression - akin to a sports bra.

what nonsense. if youre comparing a binder to anything its a corset. call a spade a spade but a bra is NOTHING like a binder

I don't know if I'd go so far as to compare a well-fitting binder to a corset. A well-fitted, properly tightened corset is far tighter than a binder; and if fitted/tightened improperly, can do far more damage.
A binder is tighter than a compression bra, from what I've experienced, but nowhere near as tight as a corset.

While you are living at home, you should probably follow their rules in the house.

Quote from: Jamie D on September 29, 2013, 11:48:53 PM
While you are living at home, you should follow there rules in the house.

Jamie, with your flavor text under your avatar, this post made me giggle

Quote from: Jamie D on September 29, 2013, 11:48:53 PM
While you are living at home, you should follow there rules in the house.

I kind of agree with this, but not 100 percent. If you are living with your parents and are under 18, you sort of have to handle things very carefully. unfortunately, they will see as a child until you prove otherwise. If I were you I would use anything positive to sort of negotiate about the binder. For example, if you make good grades, do well in a sport, or are really helpful around the house, you might try to link them. 'mom dad I know you dont like the idea of me wearing this, but I just wanted to tell in a respectful way that it helps me feel good abut myself which is why I can (insert whatever you do well here)." Do NOT threaten them by saying that you will stop being helpful or stop making good grades unless they let you bind. This will most likely backfire. While it's hard, you need to try to think of your parents as your boss.

If you are over 18 - I have no advice. You are making a choice to live somewhere. If its free rent and free food, then fine. But uderstand that living by their rules is your trade off. 

i'm sorry, but i can't really agree with the whole living by their rules thing. there are so many things parents can do to make their children miserable, just because they think they're always right about what's best for... their own well-being? reputation? i don't know, really. my breasts were a b cup when i was 12, my mom wouldn't let me wear a bra because she thinks they're damaging (well, they really are to some extent, but...), and of course because she herself never liked the ones that existed when she was younger. this only damaged my mental health, really. try to guess how stigmatizing that really was when around other girls who were given bras as soon as their chest started to grow (they were all smaller than me). it was horrible, and everybody was convinces that i had the worst parents ever for not letting me conform. yet another reason to bully me, you see...


if a rule is damaging to a child, then the execution of it can be equaled to child abuse. of course i wouldn't say it that way to your parents, that would only make things much much worse. but if a rule is damaging to you, you really should enter negotiations in order to change it.

wering a binder in the house isn't too much of a point. your family won't see you any differently with or without it, and your chest needs a good break between each time you bind. you might want to center your negotiations around getting to bind when you go outside the house. either at school, or when meeting friends outside school.

you could also just rebel and find a good place to get your binder on and off when you leave the house on your own, but you should be prepared for some consequences if they find out. it might not be a good idea at all.


that's pretty much all i could think of. do consider consequences before attempting anything, both your mental and physical health are concerned in this case.

get a compression type sports bra and they should accept it and it should work ok if your chest isnt to big.

This reminds me of the book I Am Jay. Where everyday Jay sneaks the binder out of the house and puts it on before he goes to school, or wherever. For anyone who hasn't read it, you might check it out. The point is, while you are living with them/ until they get more comfortable or accepting you might have to sneak it if it's something you HAVE to do. While around them, unfortunately that means you will have to go without, but that's just for now.

Quote from: Jamie D on September 29, 2013, 11:48:53 PM
While you are living at home, you should follow there rules in the house.

I don't really agree with this. Yes you should out of respect, but it's his body and he should be able to do what he likes to make himself feel comfortable. If their 'rules' were to wear a top where the inside is made entirely of the prickly Velcro stuff, so it wasn't damaging, but extremely uncomfortable, would that be ok? Or if their 'rules' were to wear a zebra onsie everywhere, again, extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing, would this be ok? No it wouldn't. Just because they think it's ok and it's their rules, does not mean it's not extremely damaging to their child's mental health and self worth. I believe you should respect your parents, but when they no longer respect you or are not willing to compromise, then I don't think you should have to do anything.

As for the situation at hand, I think the best thing to do is sit down with your parents and explain that wearing a bra is extremely uncomfortable for you and it really damages your self esteem. Ask them what it is they don't like about you binding, and stay calm and listen to their reasoning. Then you can give your reasoning and hopefully you can come to a mature agreement. Even if it is you alternate the days you bind whilst they get used to the idea. They might not come round straight away and during this time you need to be sensitive to their feelings but they need to be sensitive to yours too. Come to a compromise with them and agree on something you are both happy with. There's no point going at war with them because you'll both get worked up. They will come round eventually. If it all goes horribly wrong, I think for the time being your best option will be to take your binder out with you and change into it like people have said. I had to do that for a while and it was a pain, but it was the most sensible option at the time. All the best and I hope it goes well.

I agree with a lot of the advice given here, particularly the bit about being careful what you do whilst you're under your parents' roof if you're underage (i.e. pick the battles you can win), and also the great advice to take your binder out with you & get changed into it in a public restroom or similar. I also like Joey's idea of coming to a compromise: perhaps you can agree that you'll not wear the binder round the house, but will always wear it out of the house. Would that work? Or are they dead-set against it?

If you're underage and your parents don't accept you binding when they see it, make sure you do it every single opportunity where they won't see it; you need whatever comfort you can get. However, if you're over the age of majority you can do whatever you want to your body, no matter whose roof you're living under. Your parents will try to treat you like a child for as long as they can, but part of the growing-up process is learning to stand up for your principles. So if they won't come to a compromise with you, just wear the binder whenever you leave the house. If they challenge you, just calmly and assertively (but not aggressively) tell them that this is just the way things are going to be from now on. Standing up for yourself and learning to say 'no' is part of the maturation process and it will help your parents to see that you're not a little kid any more. Remember: it's not just the teenager/young adult that has to go through the maturation process; the parents also need to adjust to the fact that their child is no longer actually a child.

However, I do wonder why your mother gets emotional and brings up these excuses every time she sees you binding. I very much doubt it's really about 'health issues'; I'm guessing she's using the strongest argument she can find as a means of trying to convince you not to transition. If you do as others have suggested and try to reassure her that binding is relatively safe, she'll simply find another argument. So your best bet is to tackle the root cause of her objections - as soon as you're in a good position to do so - by starting to take the reins of your own life.