Hi. I'm Lauren.

[Small Note: I just re-read this, it's really kind of depressing. I didn't intend to get off on such a melancholy start, I'm really not such a sad person, I promise!]

I'm 22, just graduated college, looking for a job and scared out of my wits. I've known I was different for a long time, but I could never get up the courage to tell my parents I'm a girl. After years of self-searching I finally went to some counseling through my university and through them connected with a doctor who offered to prescribe hormones. At the time I wasn't in a position to begin HRT, but now that I am graduated and hopefully soon will be financially stable I'm talking to the doc again. I probably won't be able to do anything through him since I'm no longer a student, but maybe he can tell me where to go.

As I'm sure many of you are, I'm terrified that I will never pass in society as a woman. I'm tall (6 foot 3), I'm heavier than I'd like to be, and while I realize that I'm far younger than many who transition, I feel like I'm too old. The pictures of beautiful transsexual women I've seen are almost entirely women who started with slight builds who started hormones in their early to mid teens. Frankly, I think the women who can live happily without being passable are better than I am, I can't see being happy while the rest of the world as a man in women's clothing or even as a transsexual. I feel like a woman and I want to live as a woman. The probability that this is impossible makes my soul ache in a way I cannot put into words but I am sure many of you understand.

I'm sorry if this is all very depressing, I promise my life is not all storm clouds and gloom. I have a girl friend who knows who and what I am and has chosen to stay along for the ride, I have a loving family who I will probably never really come out to, but who are nevertheless incredible, and a few good friends. I also have a good degree from a good university, hopefully my education will carry some weight for me in the future.

That's me.

Hi Lauren!  Welcome to Susan's!

Sounds like you have some things going for you, that college education will definitely help you out as you find a job and save up money for transition.  You're girlfriend and your other friends sound accepting too, but don't rule out coming out to your parents.  It may be hard but you should keep them in your life if you can (I'm personally having problems with my mom accepting me).

There are probably others here who could relate to your height (I'm short and fall within the average for a female), but I wouldn't worry too much about looking like a "man in women's clothes."  I've been on HRT for 4 months and the effects are astounding (I'm about your age so don't feel too "old") 

I hope you enjoy your stay!

~Fae

Hello Lauren Welcome!

Hi Lauren and thank you for posting an introduction.  Hope you enjoy your stay at Susan's!

tink

hi Lauren

welcome to the family at susans place

thank you for you intro and sharing with us all

you are never to old to start to live your life the way you are meant to be  and remember there are plenty of tall pretty women out there

hope you enjoy your stay with us here

best wishes

amanda

Hi Lauren and welcome,
You should really look around, read some blogs and posts, and I think you will find the same kind of fears you have in many people. The fear of height, looks, passing, etc. are very real for many people. Don't diminish them or feel paralyzed by them Lauren. Take a look around and you'll see many examples of people who have gotten past many seemingly insurmountable obstacles and are happier now. Welcome to Susan's Meghan

If your looking to look like an average women,
and thus feel better about yourself, then this whole process
will be an eye opener and you'll almost certainly be satisfied.

If you seek to look like a top model TS
(most young TS look like an average female, not models),
then you'll set yourself up for a lot of pain.

TS that are 18 have a slightly quicker transformation
through hormones, mostly because they're soft tissue boyish
which means there doesn't need to be much of a shift to
make it look female. You can be young with a slight frame or bigger
frame, like you can be older with a slight or bigger frame.

In general, I don't really agree on the age thing
being an obstacle at all. And, at 23, you sure are
much younger than me and most transitioners
(and check my Avatar, do I look like a man! (I'm 39))
and will certainly benefit from higher human growth hormone
levels at that age (which quickens the effects of hormones).

Many with hulking frames have transitioned quite successfully even at 40. If your worried about height, check out Kate's Blog on this site (she's 6 foot 2), many of her worries parrallel yours and she's a good writer who really lets you into her mind.

She went from a person full of doubts at the start, to living as Kate, herself, full time recently.

Thank you all for your replies!

To clarify, I'm not looking to be a super model, my goal is simply to be accepted as a woman and move on with the rest of my life. Average is fine, plain is fine, I just don't want to have to go through the rest of my life with people snickering at me behind my back. I think that's pretty reasonable, and hopefully possible. If not, I'm not sure what I can do.