My mum, despite being supportive, has a lot of questions and doubts about my decision to persue HRT. One of the things she said was that dysphoria and signs of misgendering often happen as a child. I have read many transition stories where this holds true, and I'm curious to know if there is anybody who developed dysphoria subtly and gradually later in life like I have. Like in the late teens. At the end of the day I don't see why somebody can't turn around at a later point in their life and find they aren't comfortable in their gender. I mean if it happens, it happens. Right?

Would be very interested to hear what you all think

I think that what age you find out isn't massively important. Afterall, there could be many reasons why you discover the way you feel when you do.

• Exposure or non-exposure to a strictly gendered environment where constant reinforcement of "You're supposed to do this because you're a girl/boy" is prevalent.
• Feeling something but not being able to give a name to it. Until the time where you are able to do so.
• Being told that stuff is just a phase you'll grow out of.
• Being focused on something else, like studies/sports/sticking crayons up your nose/etc.
• Thinking everyone feels the way you do and not questioning it.
• Being exposed to situations where it's more noticeable and apparent (romantic encounters etc).
• Thinking you're just weird and you have to live with it.
• Not having any frame of reference or outlet to explore your feelings
• Development of a solid sense of self.

Those are just things I can think of off the top of my head, I'm sure there are a lot more variables.

What one person experiences in their life doesn't necessarily mean that's what everyone will experience, or be able to identify. I think what's more important than when you felt the way you did, is that you feel the way you do now. And are responsible enough, rational enough, and emotionally aware enough to do something about it.

Afterall, whatever happened in the past, it can't be changed. It is what it is. And viewed through the prism of perception it could lead to a thousand "Maybe it was this" or "I guess it seems that way".

Less messy and fractured to concentrate on the here and now. How you feel now, and how you can best more forward to get to where you want to be in the future.

That's my view, anyway.

I know for me, the dysphoria might have always been there, but it would have been a fog of sorts. A faint feeling of discontent without being able to pinpoint why. I'm nonbinary, though, and we don't really get inundated with images of what our ideal bodies might be like the same way that... men and women do, lol. It's like looking into a mirror and not having a reflection. Now that I have a more concrete idea of what I could be like, I've started to find that I do experience some mild body dysphoria now. I hardly wear regular bras anymore because I like the flattened look more, and I've found myself starting to imagine what it would be like to not have a vagina.

But it's likely very different if you have people you can point to in your life, images on TV, in magazines, in movies, and say "I want to be like them" from the moment you have the motor skills to point. I never had that.

ETA: And oh, that's a great little list, Sephirah.

Thanks for the replies you three. And no I don't yet. I move into my own flat on the 12th, and once I'm registered with my GP I'll be asking for a referral. It's just my mum coming to terms with it, and as such is being the concerned mother by trying to get her head around it. She's already had to deal with so much since I moved in, like my OCD, so I feel sorry for her. I know in my gut that this is what I want, and any attempts to justify it beyond "I look in the mirror and wish It was a woman." is just gender stereotyping.

I found out at 50 I had been living a fake assumption, I had thought I was a guy, when in fact I was a woman, that simply wasn't aware she was one.

You can be positive there is 'something wrong' as early as pre teen years, and you can live a life clueless what you thought you were was not the case just as easily.

There is really only one significant difference between an older person that is newly transgender and a person that realized it early on. The younger person gets to be the correct gender potentially for a longer span of life if they act on it sooner.

I will never be the school girl, nor the office girl, nor the soccer mom. Missed my chance to wear inappropriately insignificant inadequately concealing outfits best left to young thin girls. Not likely to ever grace a beach in an awesome swimsuit.

I'm starting my journey in my 50s. But many of us do just that, start in our 50s.

I think it is a situation of recognizing the dysphoria for what it is.

I can say, in retrospect, that I knew I was different as a child, it was not until I started puberty that I really began to feel a "gender issue."  As a child, I had other issues that set me apart from the rest of my peers, and I can not say that I recognized them as gender issues; in fact, I don't recall feeling gendered (or misgendered) at all.

By the time I was in my middle and late teens, my focus was more about my sexuality, though, looking back, I can see even then, that I was coping with the undiagnosed dysphoria in my own ways.

Today, I think that with access to the information, people are starting to recognize their own symptoms at an earlier age. 

Late in life for me (47). Before then, I didn't even know "transsexualism" even existed...although I considered myself "neutral/friendly" to LGBT people, I always thought the "T" was for "->-bleeped-<-", which was (to my mind at the time) the same as "sexual prevert".

Once I learned about the LGBT reality, especially TS as a function of brain structures, many things in my childhood and young adult life suddenly made sense.

Before this awareness, I actively suppressed any feminine behaviors/tendencies in the name of The Almighty Male-ness That I Must Be.

So yeah, later in life...it does happen.

Yes. I didn't really think about gender at all until I was like 12 or so, blindsided by puberty I suppose. And I didn't really consider ->-bleeped-<- as a possibility at all until like 15 and I don't really remember unusual stuff happening when I was a little kid. I was kind of worried about that too when I came out but now that I've transitioned for the most part I have no regrets.

So, don't doubt yourself for that reason.

Quote from: Dreams2014 on October 01, 2013, 05:28:39 PM
Thanks for the replies you three. And no I don't yet. I move into my own flat on the 12th, and once I'm registered with my GP I'll be asking for a referral. It's just my mum coming to terms with it, and as such is being the concerned mother by trying to get her head around it. She's already had to deal with so much since I moved in, like my OCD, so I feel sorry for her. I know in my gut that this is what I want, and any attempts to justify it beyond "I look in the mirror and wish It was a woman." is just gender stereotyping.

Umm... I'm not sure it's something which needs to be justified, hon.

I guess if it were me, I might say something like "It feels wrong how I am right now. I don't know if I can explain it to you in a way you will understand since I can't make you feel the way I feel, as much as it would help. All I can say is that these feelings are making me unhappy - with my body, my state of mind, and the way I function in the world. I need to take steps to make things right and these steps will lead to me changing my body to match the way I feel, and perceive myself in my mind. The way I am, and see myself. It's something I've thought about and gone over many, many times. It's not a whim, it's a prolonged feeling that won't go away as much as I might want it to. Whether I can explain where it comes from or not, the fact is that it's something I need to do to be able to be happy within myself, with my relationships with other people, and with the way I want to live my life."

According to my therapist (who is pretty well known in the tg community) the most common time frames are childhood and the beginning of puberty, but that isn't the only time people come to realize it.  Personally, I feel like I'm the odd girl out for noticing my differences at a younger age.  Most people I encounter seem to realize into young adulthood to adulthood and can't relate with the typical trans narrative in any way.  Therefore, I wouldn't worry about not fitting into the standard narrative because it doesn't hold true for everyone (and maybe not even the majority).  What's important is that you do what's best for you and are true to who you are.

Quote from: Joules on October 01, 2013, 05:25:49 PM
Dreams, dysphoria isn't required to support a diagnosis of GID.

Well... there is no more GID diagnosis in DSM-5.  Gender Dysphoria is the diagnosis.  We are no longer automatically assumed to have a disorder. 

Quote from: Dreams2014 on October 01, 2013, 05:28:39 PM
Thanks for the replies you three. And no I don't yet. I move into my own flat on the 12th, and once I'm registered with my GP I'll be asking for a referral. It's just my mum coming to terms with it, and as such is being the concerned mother by trying to get her head around it. She's already had to deal with so much since I moved in, like my OCD, so I feel sorry for her. I know in my gut that this is what I want, and any attempts to justify it beyond "I look in the mirror and wish It was a woman." is just gender stereotyping.

About your mother, don't get too upset if you can't "convince" her at first.  I literally used to dress up as female celebrities with my sister when I was a kid.  And everyone in my family loves to talk about (aka make fun of) the time I dressed up in my sisters ballerina costume  and ran around the house with a tiara and wand calling myself a fairy princess.  Yet, according to my mother, there were no signs.  Sometimes parents can go deep into denial and have a hard time accepting this.  So, while I understand wanting your mothers approval and understanding, realize that things can take time.  If you worry too much about it, like I have and continue to do, you may be adding some unnecessary stress to your life.  Explain it to her as best as you can, but don't feel like you must acquire her immediate approval in the beginning.     

Quote from: learningtolive on October 01, 2013, 06:05:29 PM
About your mother, don't get too upset if you can't "convince" her at first.  I literally used to dress up as female celebrities with my sister when I was a kid.  And everyone in my family loves to talk about (aka make fun of) the time I dressed up in my sisters ballerina costume  and ran around the house with a tiara and wand calling myself a fairy princess.  Yet, according to my mother, there were no signs.  Sometimes parents can go deep into denial and have a hard time accepting this.  So, while I understand wanting your mothers approval and understanding, realize that things can take time.  If you worry too much about it, like I have and continue to do, you may be adding some unnecessary stress to your life.  Explain it to her as best as you can, but don't feel like you must acquire her immediate approval in the beginning.     

She's supportive, just incredibly shocked and overwhelmed I think. In the end she just wants to know that I know what I'm doing. But she hasn't even come close to processing it yet. =/

Quote from: Dreams2014 on October 01, 2013, 06:07:13 PM
She's supportive, just incredibly shocked and overwhelmed I think. In the end she just wants to know that I know what I'm doing. But she hasn't even come close to processing it yet. =/

That's good.  It's a first step.  From the sound of it, you have a good mother who is simply concerned about her child's life.  That's a good sign in my book.  Just don't get too upset if it takes her more time to process and understand everything.

I have had an weird feeling most of my life but I couldnt quite make it out what it was until I was in my 20's when it became very obvious too me and I was more depressed about the life that i was living. I wouldnt put too much emphasis about age you have discovered you dysphoria.

I think if late teens is "later in life" for you, then I'm gonna be a fantastic example. I turned around at 31 years old and realized that although I hadn't been a woman my whole life, I sure as heck was one now. I transitioned fully within 11 months, and I've never been happier. No doubt whatsoever that transition was the right choice, and although I second-guessed myself a lot at first because I also thought I wasn't "really trans" if I hadn't known as a kid, I'm fairly sure about it now!

The "known since birth" narrative is a common one, but it's NOT the only way the story can play out; people are too complicated for that.

Another late bloomer here like Lesley and Beth. It hit me in earnest around 43 and I'm now starting my transition at 51, so yes you certainly can develop GD later in life.

The main feeling I had for all of those years was the feeling of not fitting in and not knowing why. The femme urges waited until I was in my early 40s. Of course by then I had a wife, kids, and was known in my career field. Yikes.

The femme urges were not exactly textbook dysphoria as others have described it; it was more of sudden, wild and uncontrollable ride that scared the crap out of me. In the last 6 months I have realized that I'm a transsexual and not bigender so I'm transitioning.

Looking back now through the trans lens the events, difficulties, and heartaches in my life make perfect sense.

30 here and I only started to realize that I had gender issues 3 or so years ago.  I will echo the sentiment of others that in hindsight I have had some level of dysphoria throughout my life, but it never really presented itself to me in a manner that screams gender issues.  That concept of something being off and never really fitting in I suppose if I were to put it into words.

Zinnia Jones sums up my feelings rather well in a blog post.  Keep in mind, many of these things are also symptoms of general depression as well, and on the flip side gender dysphoria does not require all or any of these symptoms either.
http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/2013/09/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/

For me the added hurdle was that I have never felt the need to act or present myself in a feminine manner and I have always been attracted to women.  In general there is a huge lack of exposure for butch lesbian transwomen, so I never knew that was a thing that existed.  Once I found that it was an "option" things tended to fall into place.

I'm in the "kinda always knew something was up but never really figured it out until recently" category.  I can remember always having these feelings, but back when I was young there was no internet or openness.  It was like wanting to say something in a foreign language, but not having the vocabulary to describe it.

I truly think that there was a massive shift when the internet came on the scene and people were able to access vast amounts of information about these kinds of conditions and connect with others who could help them from the comfort of their own homes.  Had I been born two decades later, I would right now be sitting her as a girl, without question.  I was just born and raised in a time where transgender issues were just not even really on the radar for the average kid who secretly dreams of being a female.

Quote from: Michele on October 02, 2013, 01:50:10 PM
I truly think that there was a massive shift when the internet came on the scene and people were able to access vast amounts of information about these kinds of conditions and connect with others who could help them from the comfort of their own homes.  Had I been born two decades later, I would right now be sitting her as a girl, without question.  I was just born and raised in a time where transgender issues were just not even really on the radar for the average kid who secretly dreams of being a female.

Definitely how it was for me.

I think it's possible, also, to feel like something is "off" your whole life, but I know that if I'd been told as a teenager that I could be another gender if I wanted, and I could have surgery or go on hormones or change my legal name, I would have thought you were nuts and forgotten about it shortly after. My discovery happened, I think, exactly when it needed to and no later.