Doubt is ordinary and human.

But Joey you are not a burden (which I hope is now quite obvious after so many saying it isn't so).

Work comes and goes all by itself, I don't think you want to blame everything on being trans too eagerly though.

If I had a dollar for every day that has seemed like the end, and clearly wasn't... and it's easy to focus on those moments and forget the good ones.

I think it is time you started a journal of positivity. Every day write something good about you and the world around you. I think given enough time, you wil surprise yourself. Don't be afraid to repeat some entries either.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on October 02, 2013, 09:25:19 AM
I think it is time you started a journal of positivity. Every day write something good about you and the world around you. I think given enough time, you wil surprise yourself. Don't be afraid to repeat some entries either.

That is a great idea!

Thinking positively brings positives to your life.

Thank you everyone again for such supportive replies. You're all great. You're all right. I can get through this if I stay focused.

Caleb, this part rings so true for me:

Quote from: caleb. on October 02, 2013, 08:28:46 AM
I can remember being a teenager and I was convinced I would die before I was 18. Not even by taking my own life, although the thought crossed my mind - I was just convinced that "someone like me" had enough life earlier on than others.

I thought I was going to be dead by the time I'm 25. At one point I completely stopped trying in school because as I said to one teacher 'What's the point, I'm going to be dead by the time I'm 25 anyway?' I'm glad I'm not the only one who experienced that. A lot of your post rings true with me and that gives me hope that one day I'll be the person I want to be, so thank you.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on October 02, 2013, 09:25:19 AM
I think it is time you started a journal of positivity. Every day write something good about you and the world around you. I think given enough time, you wil surprise yourself. Don't be afraid to repeat some entries either.

This is a really good piece of advice. I will start to do that tonight. I always thought about writing about the bad stuff, it never crossed my mind to write down the good. Thank you.

Thank you again to everyone, I couldn't do this without you all.

Joey, You have done a lot of extremely difficult things over the past few years. If you look back to each step in your transition I bet you said I can not do this or it is too difficult. You found the courage and did it. Each step elevated your identity and you have made significant strides that takes courage, real courage.

You are full time and I look to you for inspiration. You have so much to be proud of and need to reflect on the successes.  Now, you have another challenge and step, that is all.

You are a success and a survivor.

Thank you very much Cynthia, I really appreciate your kind words. You're right, I've said this many times before and always got through somehow. Thanks again, it means a lot to me.

Joey, as you go through life, you'll find yourself looking back, and a lot of the stuff looks smaller and smaller as time goes by. Somewhere in my forties I found that life was becoming more and more about wakes and funerals. Soon it sank in, one of these days, I'm gonna be the one in the coffin up at the funeral home.

Today isn't that day, and when I wake up seeing ceiling tiles tomorrow, I'll leap out of bed thrilled that I get another day to go see what happens in the world. Life is a gift. Happiness isn't, but happiness is everywhere just waiting for you to take it.

Hugs, Devlyn

Very wise words Devlyn. Thank you. Everything you speak is very true. A man very dear to me had open heart surgery today, very hard to deal with but it certainly puts things in perspective. Thanks again.