Please read this whole post before responding. It's of a piece and if you stop because of the difficult bits, you'll definitely miss the point. I do support and encourage you but you probably want to know what the reactions are all about and thusly, I'm posting this here for all to see and I'll probably use it again.
Here's my take:
Some of the things that you've said are things that many transsexual women feel in their earlier days coming out. What you'll find is that, as time goes on, these things will pass.
Some of what you do borders on territory which many, admittedly myself included, feel is behaviour that puts the act of donning the trappings of life as transformative acts in and of themselves. Now, I'm going to go all the way out on a limb and say this and god or moderators strike me dead if I cross a line with this statement but, here it is: those behaviours are very similar to things we hear from persons who like to don the identity of a woman but don't necessarily feel like one. They sometimes seem like props and crutches for those who don't have internal validation about their status as trans if, that is in fact the case. Some of the things you mentioned (tampons or pads) are just plain out-there in terms of behaviour and those are probably where the strongest reactions come from. Those items have a purpose (to stop unnecessary stuff from coming out of your hoo-ha) and using them like you do... I've gotta admit, there's some discomfort there when I imagine someone taking that post and showing it off as an example of what a transsexual woman is all about.
Now, that said, I'm not telling you that you're not trans. I make no judgements about that and everyone's path is their own. I've seen more than a few women in my time that started out with statements like yours that went on to come to their own self-actualization as a woman and that's fine. Don't let reactions that reject that kind of validation get you down but *do* realize that those of us who have been through the process of transition don't see it the same way that you do. We've gotten through all the first-time bits and have moved past seeing the items and articles of day to day life as a woman as anything but what they are: stuff. They're just a fact of our life and they hold no special sway for us one way or the other.
Now that we've gotten through the rough stuff, here's the upside: you're not alone. I've seen any number of women on SP go where you go. We've got more than a couple on here that post regularly now. It's not a bad thing. A lot of the media that we've been exposed to and the cultural ideas that we've been indoctrinated with... well, let's just say that they can give a TS girl some funny assed ideas about what being a woman is. More than a handful have gone there, moved past it, and now live very normal lives as very typical women.
A lot of your initial post and a lot of the reaction that you've gotten is just about the relative places where you are as opposed to others here. I feel that a lot of Alaina's reaction was based on that distinction. I felt her tone was very heated but was so because she's gotten down the road and she's where she's at. I know that, during my first year or so, I wanted to get so far away from any association with CDs or TVs because, honestly, I was afraid that someone in the 'real world' would confuse me (an openly TS woman) with them. Funnily enough, these days it's not an issue because I know exactly who and what I am.
I would encourage you keep digging deeper into where you're at, find out what it is that you're actually doing and really start to walk down your road. If you find that you're all about living as a woman, then really look at what that means and then look at how you want to be seen. That will probably stop any... quirky associations you might have with the trappings of female life and the act of actually being a woman.
Also: don't let it get you down. Trust me, we all had stumbling weirdness out of the gate, myself not excluded. :-)
