I don't think I have dysphoria at all. I certainly don't have any animosity towards my male genitals. In fact the whole non-binary thing is a massive interest to me and makes me feel like I'm less alone. As mentioned above I want to be perceived as female. What is between my legs holds no real sway in my want to BE female. So when my doctor asked me if I would be willing to pay privately for SRS I was like...um....Yes?

I honestly don't want it right now, maybe later on that will change but right now I'm happy to have a girl cock

I'm like [the op] alexjrogers, I also hate erections. It's a thing my genitals do that I can't control and it really bothers me. It doesn't help when you're wearing tight clothes and your member decides to go stiff, neither does it help when you go to the toilet, however you use it. It's like trying to put a cat into a travel box, it just doesn't want to go in there. I've never had sexual intercourse (nor have I ever had a girlfriend, it just doesn't feel right to me) and never intend to do so, it's like... yuck. :s

If I were to ever go on hrt, I'd seriously consider getting rid of them. It's not that I hate my genitals, I'm actually indifferent to them. It's just that I hate erections and would want my appearance as a woman to be complete, rather than dangly or stiff, if you catch my drift.

Chris

Quote from: Madison Leigh on October 03, 2013, 06:05:36 PM
I'd much rather have "other parts" down there; but I don't really have any animosity towards them - other than the fact that certain articles of clothing don't fit as well as they should or show more than they should.

This is pretty much how I feel about mine.

for some reason, the thread's header make me want to scream "because I'm old Greg!!" -

but all seriousness how I felt about the mix-up? it had to go, if I didn't get srs to fix it I'm am positive I wouldn't be alive. just as others have said it was a huge part of my dysphoria, and it finally got to the point that I had to do something about it or I was going to be a statistic, and well here I am, happier than any other time  in my life, and slowly it the time of "before" is  fading in my mind, and now seems as just a dream that wasn't even real, I cant even remember how it was before 

Quote from: anjaq on October 03, 2013, 08:06:05 PM
Yeah - for me it was a huge part of the dysphoria as well. I could not stand it. Yes I had feeling and was afraid to loose that with SRS, but other than that there was nothing I wanted to save about that. Its funny - now that its gone for 13 years I cannot even really imagine having this. It just does not go into my mind if I try to - like I used to imagine how it is the other way round, pre-everything, I imagined how it is now - and I could and it is now like I imagined it - the other way around it does not work even though I should have the memory...
That said, I was scared of SRS as anyone else I guess. I was unsure if it really is for me until some months before the date when I made a decision in a moment of severe confusion and dysphoria and fear - It was a "hitting the bottom" moment at which i just could make a decision or be smashed inside. And it was the best - once I made the decision all things fell into place and SRS was the best thing I did in that time - even though some of it went really wrong and had to be fixed.

But are you saying that SRS nowadays takes only 2 hours? Did i get that right? I was under for 9 hours I believe. I really missed something that happened in the past decade that cut the time down that much.
Yeah right I also "look in the mirror"  - Ok that and really - if I sleep I sometimes think of my body and I remember that sleeping on the side as I often do now feels so natural, some fleeting memory on how it used to be when I was disturbed by dysphoria in old times, reminding me of the good decision I made. I do not just see that in the mirror, I FEEL it whenever my mind checks what my body does, I just feel how this is my real body now and the memories give me a short dark glimpse of how it would feel now to still be dysphoric and the contrast to that makes me happy in that moment

not everything you said is the same but a huge part of what you wrote seems like it is coming from my mind oh and 2 hour srs who is that doctor?  mine was 8-9hrs as well

I'm with calico, it's got to go as I hate it and always have.
Surgery doesn't scare me as it's necessary. Anyway I have already had surgery more than a few time so been there done that.
Just another operation in my mind. I would like to get rid of the T factory sooner though.
I look forward to the day I cant remember it. 

I've hated the damned thing ever since it started growing and getting erections in the first place. The first 5 or so years after puberty were an absolute nightmare for me, feeling like I wanted to rip the damned thing off every single time it expanded when I didn't want it too. I've always felt like erections, and having external genitals at all, was wrong. I've been tucking myself since I was a kid. And while hormones have indeed made it much easier to deal with recently, I still hate it, still want it gone, and the happiest dreams of my life are almost always the ones where I have a vagina instead. (I have those dreams a lot.)

SRS is the part of transition that I've wanted the most ever since I started having trans desires in the first place. So much so that even in the midst of my biggest period of denial, refusing to admit that I wanted to be a girl, I was still seriously considering getting a castration and penectomy anyway. (Which is why I was a member of the Eunuch Archive for years.) That's how strongly I've always felt about it.

I hate it this morning  Every damn inch of it, one of those days I guess, just want to put my skinny jeans on without it showing up!

I guess maybe I'm not so worried about my genitals because when not aroused it isn't very big. So when wearing skinnys and things its easy to hide the bulge. I can imagine if I was bigger though it would be a horrible thing to have to deal with every day

It's just getting in the way today DAMMIT!

I hate it also the constant reminder I am not complete gives me misery, unfortunately I fear I may never be able to afford surgery which is also depressing. On top of that I feel I do not even have an androgynous face so I feel I will never pass(as they say). Some of the best transitions I have seen were with people that looked androgynous from the start.

The sooner I can get the surgery the better but as I said I feel I may never be able to afford it and that brings me down hard.

I'm not really sure what I think down there, any more.

I love to be tucked and flat. It's an absolutely amazing feeling to put my hand on my pants and realize there's nothing there... but it chafes and hurts sometimes (I think I need a comfortable panty liner or something - I've also been using tissue for comfort and dryness).

I've never hated it, though... but my dysphoria there is changing. I would love to get the surgery, but I'm not at any point where I can make that decision rationally. I need HRT and a feminine body first -- so in a year I'll start thinking about it. I basically told my therapist that when he asked - yes, I'd like to complete that part of my body... but no, I'm not tying that to my identity. For me, I think it comes down more to sexuality than anything else (talk about something else in flux for me...).

I will say... My big E present to myself is going to be one of those hitachi things!

I love how different we all are! Take that homogeneity!

My surgery time was about 1 hr 45 min. Total time 3 hrs and back in the room. Dr. Brassard said it is normaly around 2 hrs long.

Izzy

Some things are easy to ignore, and some things not.

I wake in the morning and it is always the same damned thing. I mean ->-bleeped-<-, I feel like a wife with an annoying horny husband. Do me do me do me, oh for god's sake will you leave me alone!
It used to bug me, and I finally decided it was just easier to just get off, not think about it too much and just make it shut up.

At my current age and in my current health, once in the morning and the thing basically won't be ready again till the next morning. 30 minutes and I get to escape him for the day. It takes a lot of dedicated effort to change that.

There simply is no danger in my case. I couldn't care less if the thing fails to work after hormone treatment. In fact, while I'd like a vagina understandably, I'd settle for nothing. Take the damned thing will ya doc. At least ordinary wives can boot their husbands out.

Regardless of whether or not it makes a fuss though, it's as thrilling as a house guest that simply won't get lost. I don't care it if it isn't bothering anyone else that it's there, it sure is bothering me!

I know this much, any dialogue, any discussion any of the professional community will be having with me will be forced to accept, I consider that part of me utterly unwelcome. Not reservations. I'd go under the knife today if you could make it happen.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on October 04, 2013, 10:39:31 AM
Some things are easy to ignore, and some things not.

I wake in the morning and it is always the same damned thing. I mean ->-bleeped-<-, I feel like a wife with an annoying horny husband. Do me do me do me, oh for god's sake will you leave me alone!
It used to bug me, and I finally decided it was just easier to just get off, not think about it too much and just make it shut up.

At my current age and in my current health, once in the morning and the thing basically won't be ready again till the next morning. 30 minutes and I get to escape him for the day. It takes a lot of dedicated effort to change that.

There simply is no danger in my case. I couldn't care less if the thing fails to work after hormone treatment. In fact, while I'd like a vagina understandably, I'd settle for nothing. Take the damned thing will ya doc. At least ordinary wives can boot their husbands out.

Regardless of whether or not it makes a fuss though, it's as thrilling as a house guest that simply won't get lost. I don't care it if it isn't bothering anyone else that it's there, it sure is bothering me!

I know this much, any dialogue, any discussion any of the professional community will be having with me will be forced to accept, I consider that part of me utterly unwelcome. Not reservations. I'd go under the knife today if you could make it happen.

LOL! I love your personification of Mr. Husband. I hope he returns the favor once in a while!

And it makes sense to me... but in terms of that returned favor - I'm hoping (and all reports say yes) that Estrogen will give me girl parts. Not physically, of course, but sensationally. I'm trans. I'll always be trans. Unless I need the penetration (maybe... we'll see) there might not be a need.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on October 04, 2013, 10:39:31 AM
I wake in the morning and it is always the same damned thing. I mean ->-bleeped-<-, I feel like a wife with an annoying horny husband. Do me do me do me, oh for god's sake will you leave me alone!

Hehe yeah that is a great description. I guess any woman can relate to that one who ever had a BF or husband like that - and the worst is that he usually does not take no for an answer. :s

Quote from: mind is quiet now on October 04, 2013, 09:18:49 AM
My surgery time was about 1 hr 45 min. Total time 3 hrs and back in the room. Dr. Brassard said it is normaly around 2 hrs long.

Envious. What does he make different? I mean its all the same procedure more or less. I had a numb sore spot on my back for many months post-op from the 8 hours or what it was on that table.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on October 04, 2013, 03:48:08 AM
and the happiest dreams of my life are almost always the ones where I have a vagina instead. (I have those dreams a lot.)

SRS is the part of transition that I've wanted the most ever since I started having trans desires in the first place. So much so that even in the midst of my biggest period of denial, refusing to admit that I wanted to be a girl, I was still seriously considering getting a castration and penectomy anyway. (Which is why I was a member of the Eunuch Archive for years.) That's how strongly I've always felt about it.

Yeah - I considered at some time as well to just have it removed somehow. As a teen I was thinking that if I get in an accident, maybe..... LOL , like in a bad hollywood movie or something

Oh but by the way - did anyone post op have these nightmares? I have them very rarely, even nowadays. When you walk around in the dream and do your stuff and you notice that they did not really manage to get the SRS right and instead you still either have "it" or some minimized version of it and you feel just horrible and cry and get terrible dysphoria and then luckily you can wake up, check and be glad that it was just a very bad dream...

About an hour and a half for me with Brassard too, I was told : I went under around 12:30 pm, was in recovery by 2 pm.   Heck, he did FIVE women that day, starting at 7 am, and I was the last!

My guess, and it's just a guess, is that it's partly because he works with Dr. Belanger, and they probably do things faster as a team. I do know his speed is one reason I chose him, since less time under = fewer risks and complications of anesthesia. (He also combines a light "twilight sleep" sort of sedation with an epidural [like you get in pregnancy] rather than full general anesthesia. This usually has fewer complications as well.)

I have an uneasy truce with mine.  I hate that it gets in the way.  I long for it to be replaced with the proper parts.

At home I am now in "girl mode" 100% of the time.  I still present at work as a male.  While I was in denial of my dysphoria I *still* wished it gone, but played the role of a rightful owner.  As I've gotten more in touch with myself, my desire to see it (or use it, even) has completely dissipated.  Which is sad, in a way, because my girlfriend (who is bi) is a big fan of genital to genital contact.  So, I sometimes pretend it is a very lifelike strap-on, which helps.  I'd say 90-95% of the time we have pretty normal lesbian sex, but every now and then I use the "strap on", and she appreciates it.

It doesn't make me sick to use it, but it's pretty "meh" to me.  Since I don't yet have the proper equipment, I guess it's better than nothing.

Then again, I tuck every day, always sit to pee since I came out to myself, and am kind-of happy that, with the exception of tucking, I never have to touch it at all.  I stay pretty much tucked in panties, even in bed (I used to sleep commando-style... I'm sure I will again, one day, when all is right with that part of my world).

I will probably get an orchiectomy after 6 months of HRT (when they're dead anyway and there should be no objections).  Then it will be a matter of racing to finish my savings while there's still enough of "Mr. Happy" left to invert.

Of course I also have the worry, that I get the surgery and then I turn into a horny woman that can't keep her panties on for 5 minutes without wanting to fiddle with herself

I've known girl friends of the cis female sort that spend their days mostly with nothing on but a shirt essentially playing most of the day.

I'll cross that bridge though when I get there.

I really, really don't like what I have and what I don't have. My biggest desires are T and top surgery, because those will have more of an affect on how people perceive and treat me and on my physical comfort. But I do really want bottom surgery someday, I don't think I can live the rest of my life with my downstairs shaped like it is now.