Hello, I am a M2F in the U.S. First, we have all felt like you at one point or another. I felt weird, abnormal, depressed you name it. I mean other people have been fed lies by the press, television and other groups and do not know what the truth is about our issue. Where I live is NOT very supportive of the LGBT community as a whole. In rural area's you can actually be attacked or something worse. We ALL have things you told us that we deal with so YOU ARE NOT ALONE! This forum is a great place full of people here to help, encourage and support you. SO, take a deep breathe. Relax do not do anything that could rob you of a future. Science is slowly finding out that transexxulism may actually have a biological component to it. It is not a choice. I mean, who would choose to have something that can take your family away, cause you to lose friends, cause a financial burden, lose your identity and many other things. No one would choose gender dysphoria, it just cost's us too much. This is NOT your fault and if you stay here you will learn that and how to deal with it. I dealt with it by coming out (I hate that term, I would rather use notifying), getting on HRT (hormone replacement therapy, and planning a full SRS (sexual reassignment surgery). I am 47, so a decision of this path WAS NOT easy. Beside the transition, I have to worry about medical issue's which could block some of my plan's. Being on hormones (the correct one's for my body) for 7 weeks has made an immense difference in my mental health. I no longer have depression and they have all but eliminated my PTSD issue's. My advice is to investigate the possibilities available to you before doing something that you can't take back (suicide). I mean it, the right hormones for your mindset will help. Take care.