Thanks everyone. Ltl, I'm so scared of seeing a doctor. I don't want it to affect my transition. I know I need to, but I don't want them to blame all of my GD on my mental health problems. They're 2 completely separate things.

Sephirah, that was an amazing post, thank you. You're completely right and I didn't look at the voice like that before. Thanks for the tips about how to make it quieter, I will start doing that.

Thanks for being there everyone.

See, Sephirah? I told you that your posts sparkled. Hugs, Devlyn

I understand Joey.  Just remember that you have the potential to have a bright future ahead of you.  Please give yourself the chance to see it and experience it.   If you keep giving in to those voices, you will be robbing yourself of a great gift.  Take things one step at a time and address what's most urgent.  Sometimes it's easy to burn yourself out when you put too much on your plate.  At this moment, saving your life and realizing you have a great life ahead of you is what's most important.  It's up to you to decide how to get there, but I really do hope you try to do so.  We're all here for you Joey.   It makes me sad to see you go through this, but I know you'll go out of it with the proper hard work.