Quote from: Eva Marie on October 08, 2013, 07:50:58 AM
One thing that strikes me about the kinds of responses you listed is that they can be taken as you being a bit defensive about the subject.

I think I'd be ok if I think deeply for a few seconds before asking "where would I know her from?" Sounds then like I'm trying to recall.

The later answer "Do you always..." is definitely evasive.

Quote from: Eva Marie on October 08, 2013, 07:50:58 AM
A way to deal with these kinds of questions might be to come up with some kind of a casual offhand response followed by a deft redirect in the conversation - something like "no, i've never heard of that person before - and hey, i've been meaning to ask you about.....".

I really wouldn't want to lie, especially if it came out later on that I did know that person.

Now that I am going out more often with gender-correct presentation (leaving the man clothes behind) and getting better with makeup, I seem to be passing more often, and I can definitely empathize more with the original post.  Before, I really couldn't pass at all, now I get barely a second glance as I walk into the lady's room (and my wonderful girlfriend reminds me that a lot of those second glances are because I am beautiful and tall   I love her so!).

But last night, shopping for bras, a lady from the women's department walked up to me to tell me I had a sticker on my sweater.  I thanked her (my voice is still not passable without tons of effort, and I was tired).  She then asked me if I ever went to <insert gay bar here>.  I told her "occasionally" and she got an "I knew it!" look on her face and walked off. 

I could have been devastated, but then I stood back from myself and thought, "OK, so here this woman has had at least sixty years of being female, and *she* wasn't sure about a 6'4" woman with an adam's apple the size of a walnut.  I must be doing *something* right!" 

Still a bit shaken, but I was able to take some hope from the experience...

And now I, too, should probably start working on prepared answers...

Thank you so much for this thread, Suzi... so much great discussion has come from it!

At a party before xmas last year a female guest all of a sudden asked me loudly if x, y or z was my previous name. This she asked me so that everyone could hear. My reply was "No, not true", but I wish I would have countered her question by asking if it was 20, 25, 39 or 57 abortions she had had in the past. Cis-people asking inappropriate questions in public, or private for that matter, infuriates me to the point of wanting to strangle them....literally.

OMG!!!!!!

This situation is a little different but my methods can be used by anyone successfully. I am occasionally asked if I am male or female, MtF or Ftm, straight or lesbian due to my generally androgynous presentation and depending on the source, time or place and I find that answering a question with another question is always offsetting. A good response to a cis person is, "What do you think, are you male or female?" It throws them for a loop! When it's coming from another trans person I usually say, "Your choice!" Either way it clearly signals that the conversation is over.