Hello im Ali  nice to meet you all
for the past couple of years i have struggled with my gender identity i came out as an ftm at 14 and even started RLE and attending school as a boy, when i was just at home with my dad and step mum  it was ok, but when i actually had to interact with other children and people, although some things were better , such as nobody really cares what you do when youre a guy, or who you fancy etc it just didnt feel right and i definitely had a female side to me, it just didnt work ,
my mum used to give me hell about wanting to be seen as male,
she wanted to kick me out
so in someways i had no choice but to go back to living as female, but i did kinda want to,
the thing is , im a lesbian, another group my mum hates ,
and i know i think quite a bit like a man, im quite butch, but where im living ,with my mum at the minute i have to tread a very careful tightrope,
im engaged to my soul mate and the most beautiful girl in the whole world,)who is mtf, and she(my mum) doesnt know ,
its just as much as i know im not a man and dont completely feel like a man, i dont completely feel like a woman either, although i prefer to present as a woman, and dont mind being identified as a woman, i have a male side to me too,  i just feel like, me , just Ali, just a human,  and thats how ive felt my whole life , its just hard sometimes to see where i fit in the world and where i can be myself, i call my self a 'soul human' its sounds weird but i believe the soul doesnt have a gender, its just light and love , i dont know what to do im just so worried,
thank you for reading
Ali xxx

Quote from: onelostlonelysoul on October 10, 2013, 01:15:42 PM
Hello im Ali  nice to meet you all
for the past couple of years i have struggled with my gender identity i came out as an ftm at 14 and even started RLE and attending school as a boy, when i was just at home with my dad and step mum  it was ok, but when i actually had to interact with other children and people, although some things were better , such as nobody really cares what you do when youre a guy, or who you fancy etc it just didnt feel right and i definitely had a female side to me, it just didnt work ,
my mum used to give me hell about wanting to be seen as male,
she wanted to kick me out
so in someways i had no choice but to go back to living as female, but i did kinda want to,
the thing is , im a lesbian, another group my mum hates ,
and i know i think quite a bit like a man, im quite butch, but where im living ,with my mum at the minute i have to tread a very careful tightrope,
im engaged to my soul mate and the most beautiful girl in the whole world,)who is mtf, and she(my mum) doesnt know ,
its just as much as i know im not a man and dont completely feel like a man, i dont completely feel like a woman either, although i prefer to present as a woman, and dont mind being identified as a woman, i have a male side to me too,  i just feel like, me , just Ali, just a human,  and thats how ive felt my whole life , its just hard sometimes to see where i fit in the world and where i can be myself, i call my self a 'soul human' its sounds weird but i believe the soul doesnt have a gender, its just light and love , i dont know what to do im just so worried,
thank you for reading
Ali xxx

Hey Ali,
       There is nothing odd or strange about you dear, this is definitely where you fit in and quite frankly you may just come to consider that unlike those who feel the need to self identify as either fully male or fully female that you actually have the advantage of living as either, as both or at some place in between as you may feel so inclined from one day to the next as so many of us here in the androgynous forum can testify to. Welcome to the family!

Welcome to the club!

The staff here may hate me for linking to so many outside resources, but these are the sites that helped me along my discovery. One of them is http://nonbinary.org/ which has a nice, easy-to-navigate list of identities you might go through to start your exploration. In the end, what you identify as is completely up to you; and that's if you want a label at all!

Hi Ali
Gender identities aren't really needed.
They come in useful for conversations about gender, but even then, it's not required.
Most people only have problems with the need for identity when theirs is questioned, whether by society or an individual or group of individuals.
At some point in the day, even most of the day, to all the time, we don't need to think of ourselves as a gender identity.
You're absolutely correct in feeling like a 'soul human', which is a nice way to look at it.
Some people have presentations that reflect their identities, others just simply don't.
A presentation isn't necessary, either. Just being you and identifying as such is perfectly fine.
There are many of us here that our IRL lives are just that.
We are a very diverse group of people who, for the most part, defy identities.
But we do label ourselves as a group, I usually just say Non-Binaries.
It's only to clarify a point of discussion. Actual identities and their terms can be a source of confusion.
We just talk in terms of identities for discussion purposes, mostly.
Just how much weight we put on them, can vary quite a bit, depending on the conversation.
So you know, here you are among a group of very fine people who think a lot like you do.
As a 'soul human', you are very much welcome to be here and join in as you see fit.
Ativan

Quote from: Lo on October 10, 2013, 01:55:36 PM
*these are the sites that helped me along my discovery. One of them is http://nonbinary.org/ which has a nice, easy-to-navigate list of identities you might go through to start your exploration. In the end, what you identify as is completely up to you; and that's if you want a label at all!

Any sources for information should be welcome, Lo.
If there is information that should be included in the wiki here and isn't, maybe you could bring that up to those who update it.
Any new information that can be used here, the better this site will become also.
(I've thought that a wiki for Non-Binaries in this section would be nice.)
Resources for us have been few over the years, and I haven't been looking for them for some time now, myself.
They seem to come and go, but if there are some good ones out there that are informative, I for one am glad to see the links to them.
Thanks!
Ativan

i haven't looked for resources much, thus far i've mostly relied on ativan to tell me the weird truths that i need to know, and sevan's stories to have something to relate to. maybe i should change that way of thinking, or maybe i should be happy that this much has been enough.

sorry got sidetracked...

welcome, ali!
you don't sound much weirder than me or anyone else here. it's just ok to be yourself.
am i right to think that your biggest worry right now isn't really your identity, but rahter your mom?

Im so sorry ive been so busy thank you for your kind words,  im just struggling to work this out , I feel more Boi in some ways but I need to move out first , im so depressed and I do get dysphoria ,its just different , I hate myself sometimes , im sorry

you shouldn't need to be sorry for anything. dysphoria isn't a nice thing to struggle with, but you can rely on us to vent if you need it.
try not to hate yourself too much, it won't really help you with anything.

will it take long before you can move out?