I had the stupid idea of calling my father to sk if he still had those old rugs (it's getting cold here), and he ask me about how's everything. Life, work...
I started crying, and replied with "As usual", finished quickly and spent another five minutes weeping. They don't know anything about me being at home for depression, and I thought that after 4 days of not working I was taking this as a vacation (what I was ordered) and I was better than I thought, but damn. It's still terrible whenever I think about everything and the cover blows. If they discover that I am not working, it will be even worse.
I've been balancing accounts for half a day and solving issues with the electricity provider, and the bill is going to be another nice hit. I'm trying to save a bit every month for my future surgeries, but is nearly impossible. I am controlling all of my expenses to the maximum and I still have issues reaching the end of the month. When I thought I was safe, I saw the stash of prescriptions I had to buy, of which I'll only get the avodart, the healing spray for the summer's surgery and the antidepressants. Unless stress gets again to top levels and my abdomen starts failing again, I can survive without the stomach meds. Also, the hrt is getting quite expensive, but it's not something I can lay off. Everything because of that tax that maimed my finances since summer, and that I'm struggling to save again what the government stole from me.
Also, it's the problem that I still miss my family. They would not believe if I told them I only want to see them and huge them for the first time in my life, but that directly conflicts with their acceptance of myself. Maybe I will see my father this weekend and I don't plan to change back my attire now, but I'm afraid of how he will react.
