So I came out two days ago to my step-sisters gf(and my employee).  One of the few people I trust, and I thought I was going to die right then and there.   All I sent her was a photo of me with my hair done(i mean its always done, but not like this, its quite long) and some make up(phew its been a while since i put on makeup, too bad i dont have any red or light pink lipstick)and she knew.  Thankfully she was receptive and supportive as I though she would be.

I've only got 2 real family members I could come out to and I've decided that I'm not ever going to come out to my dad. He is already incredibly ashamed and very unsupportive(to say the least) of my step sister being gay. As well as borderline abusive when it comes to my own femininities (he means well, but he simply lacks the capacity to understand or accept.). 
I've also heard what he has to say about The lgbt community so I know things won't go down well. 

My only other relative is my brother.  For him its in the doing not the saying.  I could show up in a dress and makeup tomorrow in front of him and no words would have to be said. We've both been through some incredibly horrific stuff together and yes always had my back.  Even tore a guys ear off for me once after I got beaten pretty bad.


I really hope I can come all the way out someday, because I'm really dying on the inside and tired of dreaming of being whole every time I got to bed. And I'm sick and tired of crying behind closed doors every time it gets too much, and putting 10x the effort into being something I'm not just so I can work 30-40 at a time to pay bills.  I'm sorry this turned into a rant but its the only outlet I have.

That's what we are all here for. If we can't talk to each other in good and bad times why have this forum? These girls have already helped me out immensely. They are good people, so good or bad, let it out. Just be sure to be patient and understanding with others and respect each other even in disagreements. Honesty is the key here and is the only way we can jump the hurdles we face. Have a great day!

Thanks, after 40 hours straight of working I've been a bit edgy today   still another 8 hours to go:(

Hey Sophie,

I hope it goes well for you. 

If you don't mind, I have a suggestion.  Even if your brother will be okay with you coming out, it may make things easier to tell him about your situation before dressing in front of him.  That way the shock factor is a bit more tamed and he can better absorb it.  However, you obviously know your brother better than I do, so do what you feel is best.  It's unique to have that kind of support and immediate acceptance, so you are lucky to have a brother like that. 

Some bonds cant be broken.  I doubt there's much I could do to drive a wedge between us even if I wanted to.  Both of us seen/ been Through too much together.

An update if anyone was curious.  So I'm out now to my entire family felt my mom who I can't get ahold of.   Everyone was immediately so supportive except my dad, who knows but we haven't talked about it.  I'm absolutely terrified of talking to him.  I had a complete breakdown today when he tried to force the issue with me.  Spent over an hour crying in bed :-(.  The worst part about this is, my only help(aside from support from others) has been whatever medications I could find to help me make it through the hardest of conversations.  I finally found a psychiatrist and therapist in my area after over 6 months of searching.  I even actually can afford to go there amazingly.
I also came out to a few friends and kinda let the word get around town with other friendly people.   I have had so many people offer me support, and being such a small town, a lot of people have gone out of their way to try and  make me feel comfortable and safe with them.  I'm really hoping that I can stay here after being out to everyone because I love where I live And I love my job.  I also love all the new tourists every week, and even now many of them see me as a woman instead of a man without realizing.

The stage you are at is the nerve wracking stage. It doesn't feel like it, but its a good stage to be at. You should be very much looking forward to what can happen now ;-) Be excited! :-) If you have wanted this like I think you have, then, OK, you might lose some friends or family, but you make even more and better ones. :-) And you get to do all the stuff you have wanted to do and feel how you wanted to feel. :-)

Just remember that :-)

Akira x

Ive actually kept my closest friends close(almost all of them are female as well) and every one of them has offered there support.   Many of my male friends are a bit indifferent about it, but they seem to understand given my behavior/looks prior to coming out.  My entire family has all expressed some level of support many of which are actively helping me transition how ever they can.  My dad is having a hard time taking it for sure, but im more than certain that he will at least be able to accept who i am and still love me.   

Congrats Sophie! I'm glad that things went over well for you.

Quote from: SoapiSophie on October 12, 2013, 05:36:28 AM
Ive actually kept my closest friends close(almost all of them are female as well) and every one of them has offered there support.   Many of my male friends are a bit indifferent about it, but they seem to understand given my behavior/looks prior to coming out.  My entire family has all expressed some level of support many of which are actively helping me transition how ever they can.  My dad is having a hard time taking it for sure, but im more than certain that he will at least be able to accept who i am and still love me.   

Awesome, sounds like everything is going well!

That's great. 

It seems that a lot of your earlier fears about being run out of town went by the wayside, that's good.

Yeah, i even got to talk to my dad today some.  For the first time he seemed supportive and told me he loved me no matter what.   We still have yet to sit down and truly talk, but this for me was the biggest relief and made me so happy.   Talking to him at all was really the most difficult part of coming out.   Seems like everything is gonna be ok, and has removed a ton of the stress of coming out for me.

Quote from: SoapiSophie on October 13, 2013, 07:01:17 AM
Yeah, i even got to talk to my dad today some.  For the first time he seemed supportive and told me he loved me no matter what.   We still have yet to sit down and truly talk, but this for me was the biggest relief and made me so happy.   Talking to him at all was really the most difficult part of coming out.   Seems like everything is gonna be ok, and has removed a ton of the stress of coming out for me.

That's great Sophie! I'm so happy that he was supportive

Sophie that is such great news that you have your dad in your corner.  It is understandable that you just lost a ton of weight !

Goodness that feels like such warm support, even vicariously!

You are totally brave!  I was such a chicken for so long and never could face my judgmental dad, may he RIP.

Well, today i had the last sit down talk with my last family member, my dad.    This quite honestly the hardest conversation ive ever had in my life.   He basically told me that he didnt agree with my "choice" to transition, even though i explained to him multiple times that it really wasnt a choice.  He then told me that he didnt understand anything about ->-bleeped-<- / transexualism at all, and that he really never would.   He, did however tell me that he loved me no matter what, and would do the best he could to respect me even though he could support me in this.   This was the easy part of the conversation.
           Then he told me something that totally crushed me.  Hes been trying to get the entire family together for a vacation for some time now, although funding is a bit of an issue.  This seemed odd since everyone is pretty damn strapped for cash.   He told me he wasnt sure if he was going to live into the new year, but had a long term goal of making it to next summer, he said the only thing the doctors can do for him is make him comfortable at this point.  I'm both shocked and devastated, even though i knew this was eventually coming due to his decline health over the last year.   The worst part about this is, I dont feel that I can wait to transition, life has just become too hard living as a male for me to put this off any longer, so ill have to deal with both things now at the same time.....

That's really, really tough, Sophie. I'm so so sorry you have to deal with everything all at once. It's seeming like everything is just crashing down, doesn't it?
In any case, I love you and you can pull through this.

Ack.  Sorry to hear that.  Just remember that doctors aren't all knowing.  My wonderful fiancee was told she had six months to live three and a half years ago, and she's still kicking.

At least you were able to hear his words of love, especially since you were so certain not long ago you would never tell him.

Many hugs and much love,
Robin

Sophie I'm so sorry to hear that. BIG HUGS!

I'm glad he is supportive even if he doesn't quite understand what all of this means. Doctors aren't always right but try to be around him as much as possible. Just like us and our struggles he to is going through his own and will need all the support possible.