I don't know if many people go through this. You begin transitioning and then stuck, stricken with fear of the process. You go to your closet and gather all of your girlie clothes and get rid of them. You have cleaned yourself of this awkward GID. I've felt that way on many occasions. Then I realize those amazing shoes that somehow fit me and looked great. They're suddenly gone now. No more bras either. It's like an addiction in some ways. It's a need to feel comfortable as a woman. It's a dimension I need. The clothing is a reflection of that dimension. So sometimes I felt like purging myself of GID. It doesn't work. I still felt like one of them, when I was around them. Women. It's a problem, yes, but it's also exciting and interesting. Purging creates the illusion that things can be normal with the snap of my fingers. Poof. But, gender identity and life itself can be very complicated, not simple or easy. Have you purged? 

Yup twice, plus an "unofficial" purge where everything was stuffed in a suitcase and shoved into the back of my closet. During that time i swear i could hear my favorites calling out to me to wear them again.
In the end tho i finally accepted that my "normal" wasn't the same as every other guys normal, because well, im not a guy im a woman and proud of it.

Yeah, but at that point I was getting rid of a pair of blue jeans and some lipstick. Now there's no turning back for me. I've been full time for over a year, name changed, new job as a female, and no boy clothes whatsoever. Not that I would wanna go back..

I wish I would've followed through with it 7 years ago when I had the chance.... I probably would have SRS by now.

Wow, yes.  And please don't fall into the trap of purchase and purge.  Find out now where you belong in this spectrum, and be real. 

I started about 10 years of age when I first collected a few things to become the girl I somehow wanted to be.  Then I'd purge, and go through the cycle again.  The collections of clothes grew larger as time went on, and the purges happened so many times over 5 decades I can't remember them all.  Can't even guess how many bras, tops, skirts, shoes, and of course panties went in the trash.  Might have thrown out up to $5k worth of clothes.  But it went on for an awful long time, and a few times I got a little too close to ending it all due to the deprssion that came with each cycle. 

I began prescription strength HRT last July at the age of 61, and after a short battle with self medicating my life became true.  Once life completely fell apart, something new and beautiful grew.  The transition was on, and the hiding and suffering was over.

I wish you well.

I purged a few times and the feelings still remained. You can hide from it but it will always be a tiny whisper just waiting to remind you during those quiet moments every day.

Kathy, thank you for your concern. No I never had severe emotional swings with the occasional purge. I just felt sort of silly. I didn't feel depressed. I felt annoyed. Get real? How? I thought I already was.

So many times I've lost count. Then I realised that Cindy wasn't going to go away.

My final purge was wonderful. I threw all of his clothes out.

I own NO male clothes. Nothing, Zilch. Not even the suit I was married in. I also gave away my wigs and breast forms. I don't need either! I have my own gorgeous boobs and my own hair. I realise I'm lucky.

Quote from: Gina_Z on October 14, 2013, 12:21:04 AM
Kathy, thank you for your concern. No I never had severe emotional swings with the occasional purge. I just felt sort of silly. I didn't feel depressed. I felt annoyed. Get real? How? I thought I already was.

In this reply you sound very well founded.  That alone is a fantastic way to live.

Quote from: Cindy on October 14, 2013, 02:01:02 AM
.....
My final purge was wonderful. I threw all of his clothes out.

I own NO male clothes. Nothing, Zilch.  ....

Yeah.  That first day as a full time woman was pure freedom.  The only thing I regret is not checking the pockets of Joe's clothes for folded money.   

Quote from: Cindy on October 14, 2013, 02:01:02 AM
My final purge was wonderful. I threw all of his clothes out.

This is great! Love it! I'm slowly replacing my male clothes with female clothes and can't wait until the day I pull out my drawers and see only women's socks, underwear, etc.

Jane

Quote from: Cindy on October 14, 2013, 02:01:02 AM
So many times I've lost count. Then I realised that Cindy wasn't going to go away.

My final purge was wonderful. I threw all of his clothes out.

I own NO male clothes. Nothing, Zilch. Not even the suit I was married in. I also gave away my wigs and breast forms. I don't need either! I have my own gorgeous boobs and my own hair. I realise I'm lucky.

I am with you on this GF. Such a wonderful thing when you finaly purge the real cloths.

Izzy

My ex threw away my clothes and shoes. I'd cosplayed female, and she really didn't like it. I didn't know I was trans at the time, but when I went away for a weekend, and came back, it just felt like getting smacked with a silent, passive agressive glove. She never told me, but i noticed almost instantly.

Other than that, i've never pueged... except these forms that a trans friend gave me... they're embarrasingly huge lol.

Quote from: Cindy on October 14, 2013, 02:01:02 AM

My final purge was wonderful. I threw all of his clothes out.

That made me smile. Purging by throwing HIS clothes out. Love it! ...yes, someday.

And Kathy, I don't feel severe mood swings or depression, probably because I am kinda androgynous. If 1 is extreme macho and 10 is extreme girlie, I'm probably a 6 or 7, so my male persona is not that far away from my inner female. Rather than a pink tutu, I'm going with more of a biker chick presentation. But passing and transitioning is a scary endeavor for me.

I've read somewhere while investigating reasons why you shouldnt transition,(i dont have doubts, but theres always things you dont consider), that repeated purging can be a symptom of cyclic depression.    Not sure if that could apply to you or not, but perhaps its worth considering?   I've read also that something like 40% of all trans people attempt suicide at least once and most all trans folks have other mental health issues with depression and anxiety being the most common.   Again, dont know if that applies to you, but knowledge is power, and if any of this info helps at least one person, ill be glad i posted it.

That doesn't apply to me, but it may be something other people can relate to. I enjoy life. No depression here. A desire to be more feminine on the outside and to transition are like being hungry for something. For me, it's like wanting that delicious Thanksgiving dinner and I don't feel anxiety or depression before dinner. Maybe I will feel that way at some point, but not yet.

I purged many times!
And went through a stage at uni in which i would buy clothes, and the throw them out the next day as i felt that i could fit in as a boy, and didnt could go without the womens clothes! However within a week i was going mad, and tyhe constant thoughts of wanting to be a woman would get stronger!

Gradually however i have realised that i can't keep throwing my womens clothes away, these thought aren't going away and i need to be true to myself!!! i am a woman inside, so obviously im gonna want to wear womens clothes!!!! i now have a wardrobe that only as womens clothes in, and my small colection of male clothes are in a pile under my bed!!!

Xxx

I'd never had a collection of female clothes before I actually started transitioning.  I did go through phases of sneaking into friends wardrobe and dressing (I've generally lived with at least 1 girl pretty much since leaving home), but never felt really comfortable and wouldn't try it again for a ages. 
It was my body being male that I hated, not what I put on said body.

I did do a purge of male clothes when I went full time though...well, except for a select few geek t-shirts and any band tees from gigs I've been to that had memories attached, they make excellent sleep/lounging/hair dying  wear

Quote from: Kaylee on October 14, 2013, 03:47:20 PM
I'd never had a collection of female clothes before I actually started transitioning.  I did go through phases of sneaking into friends wardrobe and dressing (I've generally lived with at least 1 girl pretty much since leaving home), but never felt really comfortable and wouldn't try it again for a ages. 
It was my body being male that I hated, not what I put on said body.

I did do a purge of male clothes when I went full time though...well, except for a select few geek t-shirts and any band tees from gigs I've been to that had memories attached, they make excellent sleep/lounging/hair dying  wear

Ive got a nice collection of mass effect t-shirts  and hoodies ill never get rid of.  Think ill frame some of the shirts when i go FT and keep the hoodies(hoodies are unisex anyways, and most of my fem friends wear them.)  Gonna donate the rest to my sisters kids.

Ooh I was thinking of making some quilts out of my male tshirts.  I do like the idea of taking scissors  to the lot but love the art on them.   Well, love is a strong word.. I would shred them all for a decent lbd to be honest.   

I am with Kaylee on this one so I cannot really comment-  its not the clothes but the body that got me.  I just used female avatars and read female lead role books.  That said my feeling is you should stop purging and let yourself go with the flow and accept these feelings are a real and important part of you.

Good luck finding your way.

Oh... And if you do purge again... let me give you my mailing address where you can donate to... er... me. 

I've never gone through the classic "Purge". I suspect because deep down I knew I'll be back. Thank and being .... frugal.

However I often go through an emotional purging, or the infamous "WTF am I doing?" funks. The cause an effects mainly the same. Oh, I am much better now. I can handle the GID now w/o all these trapping. etc.

This past weekend I was shown in just another big way all that is far from true.

I am now thinking I should start taking heed of the answer I keep praying for and keep trying to ignore

I've purged a few times, mostly before I knew there was any kind of support for people like me... I thought I was alone for several years

I often still feel alone, but at least I know that I'm not the only one... I guess some of us are together in our collective loneliness

I usually purged when I moved and wanted to limit how much stuff I was going to take with me, but also I thought that by starting over I could somehow leave these feelings behind as well

Well, the feelings never leave and soon new stuff accumulates over time and so there you are... Same person, same feelings in another time and place with a new dress, makeup kit, heels and purse

What you have to decide for yourself, because no-one else can decide for you is your own self acceptance