Just a few months shy of my 30th birthday and I finally did it. I came out to my parents and all the fears I have built up over the years were 100% completely dismissed the instant I began to talk. Here's how the day went to for me, I re wrote my letter to shorten out the fluff so it wouldn't be a 10 page novel then got a printer because I didn't own one. Printed it out and proof read it again and found some errors, fixed it then printed it out and signed my real name on it at the end. Then came the real tough part, time to tell my folks. After 2 failed days where I tried to muster up the courage to tell them and failed, I made the plunge. My mom cornered me and asked me if I was alright yesterday when I spent about 10 hours hanging out at their house. The reality of yesterday was that I spent 10 hours at their house having a panic attack while staying on the verge of projectile vomiting the entire time. When she said that I hesitated for a moment, took a DEEEEEEPPPPP breath and said no I wasn't ok yesterday, Friday or even tonight. I have something I want to tell you but i'm too afraid to come out and say it so I wrote a letter that will tell you everything that I cant.
Parents looked at me all confused, letter you say? So I went and got it and they began to read it. I was sitting on the couch across from them then after they read the scary part on the first page they called me over to sit between them and started hugging me. Turns out I was right, they've know something has been up with me for a while now but didn't know what it was about other than they could visibly see I wasn't looking well but not because I was sick. They said they support me and that I will always be their child which made me feel so good that I couldn't even shed but a few tears the entire time and here I thought that I would just be sitting there crying uncontrollably. I got choked up but the relief that they were ok with everything even if they feel uneasy about it erased any and all of the fears I've had all my life. I've never felt happiness like that EVER!
Then we began to talk about everything and I was able to nail a few points home about how serious this was and not some crazy notion that just got in me all of the sudden. This goes way back to when I was a little kid, back as far as I can actually remember in my first memories. Though my mom did take it a little bit harder and they both still called me their son and by my real name it really didn't bother me as I know they now have to go through the process of coming to terms with what I just told them. They were at least very happy that I am seeing a therapist and that I told them this was going to be a very SLOW process for me. They were both scared that tomorrow I was going to show up dressed up like a drag queen. We all got a laugh out of that. They were just happy that I trusted them to finally tell them about everything that's inside of my closet. Sure we still have many other issues to deal with but right now everything is in a good place and for once after 29 years I'm actually happy about myself. I need to go to bed and wake up in 4 more hours but I'm wide awake from the euphoria of this moment that I can't contain myself.
Some of those issues is that they are afraid for my safety and how fast I plan on transitioning. They are worried that I could destroy my career but I told them about how I really don't think it will be much if any of a problem as long as I do everything with care and respect for other people. I'm well liked at work even though my parents have never seen the out there in the world me vs the me they see when i'm with them because I've always been in the closet that I would suppress everything I could so they wouldn't feel odd or have weird thoughts while I was around.
The really big thing though is that my mom is hung up on me never being with a woman and how she kind of thinks that that's the reason why I might feel like I do. I couldn't reassure her that that was not the case as I have tried over and over to get with a woman but I could never get past my own feelings towards that. It's right now that I realize that even as prepared to talk about transgender issues with them I really wasn't. So now I need to get my rear in gear and help get them properly informed on what being transgender is. They were thinking along the lines of the Jerry Springer show, which I was able to at least convince them that gender is something in the mind that is formed before we are born. Thankfully they didn't blame themselves for anything they may or may not have ever done. That was my biggest worry with them screaming and calling me all sorts of terrible things then disowning me as the 2nd biggest fear about coming out to them.
All in all I know they are probably feeling very down in the dumps but we'll get through it. At least they invited me over for dinner tomorrow and to go to a school function. I really think that they are happy that I really do care about them and want to be in their lives. They were getting worried that I was going to disappear or something like that as I moved to another town last year.
Most of all for me, there doesn't feel like I have any weight on my shoulders or chest anymore. I've never done drugs in my entire life and right now I feel as if I'm high as a kite
When I do go to bed i'm going to have the best night of sleep ever. My therapist and lots of folks here were right, all of the bad things I though was going to happen were all in my head. A good parent will care about their child no matter what or who they are. I'm so proud to have my parents and that I was able to finally tell them.
One last thing, I sent them a picture of me when I got home that they have never really seen before. It was a picture of me actually smiling without having to be forced to fake one. I was still in boy mode but still the face didn't lie.
