Quote from: Chaos on October 14, 2013, 04:02:38 PMThank you and im sure i will take you up on that

It's the same here.
Miss Bungle, I may be new here, and not know you very well, but that doesn't mean I don't care, and don't consider you a friend, or even a family member. I'd be so sad to see you go, and I'd blame myself for not being good enough to stop you. I don't have a doubt that most people on this site, in this world, have the same feelings.
Here's a smile and a hug, you can choose what to do with it.

You need to want to see the positive if you want to be positive.  All this negativity I feel is coming from you completely neglecting the fact that there IS hope and there ARE up sides to this.  I really like Chaos' signature for this, there is a price to pay.  You have to pay big time to be who you want.  It's not fair, but you know.... if you're going to keep sulking around  about how it won't work, chances are it isn't going to work.

YOU need to be OKAY with the downsides of your situation, and in time you will not regret it.  I almost guarantee you.  You need to put in some effort to yourself and your view of how this is going to play out.

How long have you been on HRT? Have you tried Yoga and Pilates? Have you done any sort of body toning?  Have you messed with make-up?  Try making an online female personality where you can be yourself.  Everything will fall in place in time. It doesn't matter how manly you look, you, with enough effort, will pass just fine.  Key word WITH EFFORT.  That includes not killing yourself emotionally.

Sorry to be rash, but you really need to stop beating yourself in.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 04:09:45 PM
It's the same here.

Thank you as well.Its good to know there are people who care and that means alot to me.

Quote from: Chaos on October 14, 2013, 04:36:28 PMThank you as well.Its good to know there are people who care and that means alot to me.

I care about everyone who is decent enough to respect me a little. I don't need much, and I don't need it up front. A simple thank you would do. Often I have taken in people who then turn their backs on me. It hurts, but I know that I'm trying to make a difference.

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Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 04:45:01 PM
I care about everyone who is decent enough to respect me a little. I don't need much, and I don't need it up front. A simple thank you would do. Often I have taken in people who then turn their backs on me. It hurts, but I know that I'm trying to make a difference.

As you wish.Thank you.Forgive me if i seemed eager but i was speaking in a over all way and showing how all the encouragement has made me feel in general.Im sorry that you have lost and i also know how that feels.But i still do believe in hope and unconditional love.Making a difference is what matters.

*hugs tightly* Portia...

Quote from: Chaos on October 14, 2013, 05:04:59 PMAs you wish.Thank you.Forgive me if i seemed eager but i was speaking in a over all way and showing how all the encouragement has made me feel in general.Im sorry that you have lost and i also know how that feels.But i still do believe in hope and unconditional love.Making a difference is what matters.

Oh no! I wasn't meaning to say that you don't respect me. Quite the opposite. You're awesome, and I barely know you.
I was just saying how after I help someone out, a thank you is nice, because it tells me that I've actually done something.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 05:36:21 PM
Oh no! I wasn't meaning to say that you don't respect me. Quite the opposite. You're awesome, and I barely know you.
I was just saying how after I help someone out, a thank you is nice, because it tells me that I've actually done something.

Well thank you very much for the compliment and we all have done something good,even though sometimes it doesnt seem or feel that way.Because we are so used to getting negative back,we tend to forget the good that went out.No worries my dear.

Losing weight shouldn't cause you to have no fat redistribution.  Everyone has fat and it's healthy to have a little.  It's a matter of how much fat you intake during the day and what you work off.  Maybe the weight loss isn't the issue, but how you are going about it?  Eating a balanced diet with some exercise will allow you to lose weight and keep enough healthy fat to redistribute and alter your body shape. 

Thanks for writing back to us girlfriend.

Your post reminds me of your strength in deciding for your self what you feel is important and not being that "fake" girl that so many yearn to be.  Your clearly stated resolve is needed to help others avoid the trap of jumping from one box to another.  We need that iconoclastic irreverence to keep us on our toes.  We need you to stick around and tell us what the hell is making you feel so crappy so others can possibly avoid your version of hell.  Come on and shout it out and rid your self of the bad baggage.  It's way too heavy to carry around and it might make your muscles big again

Failure is the most common way to learn.  Lets's get smart before it hurts worse?

*hugs* this time with coupons for free prizes

Quote from: Miss Bungle on October 14, 2013, 11:02:28 PM
Well, I have been on HRT since October of 07 and it has been 3 years or so since my orchi. It isn't going to improve anymore than it has right now. That is just facing the cold, harsh, truth. I'm not going to sit here and tell myself that it will be better at this point. It's not going to get better by now. You can take that however you want.

I have been doing the exercise thing for a long time and that I have no problems with it. I needed to do that anyway just for my own health. But I believe that with my frame being what it is, I am just going to make things worse by losing weight. Like I said in a previous post, I feel that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I am not saying it to whine, or seek attention going "oh woe is me". I don't live my life that way. But it friggin sucks when you have put effort into something and to see it all start to fall apart.

I don't bother with make up because 1. I don't have the money for that stuff. 2. It isn't going to make any difference anyway. I already found that out years ago. 3. I found that I don't like all of that girly stuff. It just isn't me and if I have to jump from one box to another than that seems pretty pointless to me. Confining myself to what would be "expected" of me (like having to wear make up and dressing super girly) just isn't me and it would be just as fake for me to do that as it was for me to force my stupid voice to sound lower and the other dumb crap I did when I was stuck in the closet.

I don't buy into the whole "if you can believe it, then you can do it" myth, either. Because in my case it IS a myth. I have no choice but to face the cold, harsh truth living to this age was more than likely a mistake and if I could turn back the clock, I probably would have just offed myself back then instead of suffering through puberty and wasting my time being a drunk because I couldn't deal with the GID.

The simple truth is that I have tried and I have failed.

Once I am gone, it will be a relief. I don't know when that will be. I just can't do it right now (even though no matter when I do it, it's going to suck for my family.)

I'm just sick of being me.

*hugs*

I've known women with huge frames....  I know a woman with a ribcage that is 40 inches in circumference, she is perfectly healthy weight.  She just has a BIG frame.  She's also tall and not TS.  And maybe the reason you don't buy in to it is because you don't 'want' to.  Like I've said before...,. I've felt EXACTLY the same as you do now, maybe I do have it easier, but in the end the thoughts were still exactly the same.   You can't simply just brush off opportunities to better yourself and then turn around and say you aren't doing this to whine,  I'm hearing excuse after excuse from you as to how and why you can't make it work with yourself. 

I'm horribly saddened that you are going through such lengths to dislike yourself so harshly. I truly wish you can pull out of this situation, I truly do.  This was never said to be easy, and it never will be most likely in any of our lifetimes.  But you know what you could do, even if you don't pass?  You can enjoy the fact that you are who you are.... you can be who you are... who cares what other people think?  Seriously, if someone calls you he, yeah that sucks... but if they're going to be that ignorant why the hell do you care to be on their soft side?

Just, honestly.  Take deep breaths and stop thinking. Literally. Just stop thinking.  I don't know what it's like to be in your exact situation, nor do I know how bad your situation is, but I do know there are ways you can work it out. All it takes is confidence and a good attitude.

Quote from: Nidalexi on October 14, 2013, 11:43:51 PMTake deep breaths and stop thinking. Literally. Just stop thinking.

Sometimes, the best thoughts are none at all. We let faulty logic get to us when it's doing nothing more than psyching us up, when really we should be listening to our emotions guide us to where we will be happy. Stopping to stop think puts these emotions in the forefront. Let them guide you down the path of excitement and joy.

Miss Bungle,

I'm sorry I just saw this thread. I really like you and I think a lot of people here do! There's no reason to aim for death with so many people who care about you.

I know about lamenting the past. I really wish I had done this earlier (and I'm not even talking about puberty). It must be very difficult for you to be misgendered and outed, and I'm sorry for that. I know this is coming from someone who hasn't even been misgendered as my true gender yet... but please find that strength you need to fight through cisgender society to be yourself! I think you're a wonderful person and have plenty of reason to be happy despite the insensitive cis people who live around us all.

Quote from: Miss Bungle on October 15, 2013, 01:12:28 PM
Well, the problem is that I get misgendered so rarely that when I do, it really screws me up. I've always been a fighter (not in the physical sense) but sometimes, dealing with this damn world wears me down (as it does people that don't even have gender issues.) So, on the rare occasion that it does happen, all I see and think is "damn...this is all for nothing."

I'd prefer to think of it as being for you, being who you are. Your goal might be to hide what you are, but that will always be imperfect - for (very nearly) all of us. You're not the one who's wrong, looks wrong, acts wrong, or speaks wrong. Society is changing (very, very slowly). I'm not sure when you started, but 20 years ago people like us had a much, much harder time coming out. 10 years ago it was difficult (or else maybe I wouldn't be married with kids ). Now we're in our decade.

It's not all about being transgender, either. That's who we are, but it's not the whole story. I'm an engineer. I like ukulele (though I need to practice more). I like to make things. I love (good) cartoons (movies, especially), comedies (especially romantic ones), and over-the-top dramas (like Glee). I like to cook and bake cakes (though I can't eat those things right now).

If there's nothing for you to live for aside from being a whole woman, you need to find something else to do !

♥

Why the flying f*** should it matter what other people think you are?

Pick yourself up and just be yourself.