Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 07:54:12 AM
I'm So sorry it had to come down to that, Apple. I just want to hug you ask day to make you feel better.

Not sure if it would help, Hon. Last time there were hugs involved... Her. Damn. She is the last thing I need on my mind today.


Did you get the bodygroom? Yesterday I tried a few passes on the back, and I don't thing you will need the elongator, but... Well, more bang for the buck.


I don't know how to dress for today's support group (les), and I am scared about feeling like a menace. Most of my clothing is dirty again or pending to  iron, and my make up was not reusable after today's crying session. I just picked jeggins, a sleeveless top and after deciding that my shoulders are too big, a hoodie. 

Not feeling pretty today.

I'm very worried about someone.

*big hug* (you know who you are!)

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 14, 2013, 10:37:16 AMNot sure if it would help, Hon. Last time there were hugs involved... Her. Damn. She is the last thing I need on my mind today.

Did you get the bodygroom? Yesterday I tried a few passes on the back, and I don't thing you will need the elongator, but... Well, more bang for the buck.

I don't know how to dress for today's support group (les), and I am scared about feeling like a menace. Most of my clothing is dirty again or pending to  iron, and my make up was not reusable after today's crying session. I just picked jeggins, a sleeveless top and after deciding that my shoulders are too big, a hoodie. 

Not feeling pretty today.

Sorry, I just though hugging would make someone feel better. I don't want to bring back bad memories

Not yet, I plan on getting maybe today, but definitely tomorrow. I was too lazy to leave my building. I never feel like doing anything on Sundays.

You'll be OK, sweetie. Something is going to change for the better and make your life just wonderful, it's something I can just feel.
Just try to smile and get through this. I know you can if you put your mind to it

Quote from: Just Princess of Oblique Muffin Tops with a Death Ray! on October 14, 2013, 10:45:10 AMI'm very worried about someone.

*big hug* (you know who you are!)

Regardless, everyone deserves big hugs

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 14, 2013, 05:23:40 AM
I have no family. It's over.

I feel for you, truly I do - I expect something similar from certain quarters of my own family. Is it possible though that there might be some supportive family member who can help act as a bridge between you and yours, a cousin, sibling, nephew or niece or even a mutual family friend who can help advocate for you and bring others around to at least a neutral if not fully supportive position?

I expect many in my family won't like it when I out myself but don't expect to be completely cut off by all. Having an ally, even a relatively neutral one might help bring me in "from the cold" and I hope that if the less accepting ones get the chance to see me as their daughter, sister, aunt then over time hopefully they will come around.

Strength and love.

Couldn't find my key this morning, so I borrowed one from the front desk to look for it, and I can't find it anywhere still, even after a thorough search of my room.
The worst part is that it costs $75 to replace it.
Oh, and who's idea was it to put a blood drive in the middle of the building? People should have been warned. When I stepped in, I almost had a panic attack, and had to walk facing the wall the whole time to prevent me from having one.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 03:27:08 PM
Couldn't find my key this morning, so I borrowed one from the front desk to look for it, and I can't find it anywhere still, even after a thorough search of my room.
The worst part is that it costs $75 to replace it.
Oh, and who's idea was it to put a blood drive in the middle of the building? People should have been warned. When I stepped in, I almost had a panic attack, and had to walk facing the wall the whole time to prevent me from having one.

Big hug.

Erm, okay, it's probably not THE smartest thing to do, but if you know that the key is lost somewhere safe (like in your own apartment, in the ocean, in a city one hour away.. you get the point), can you get a duplicate? I almost did it once, that key was a good $850 to replace though. Found it when I had pretty much given up.

------------

I'm so carsick. Had to go to the hospital this evening and I got so stressed out by the travelling. Bah.

Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on October 14, 2013, 03:42:36 PMBig hug.

Erm, okay, it's probably not THE smartest thing to do, but if you know that the key is lost somewhere safe (like in your own apartment, in the ocean, in a city one hour away.. you get the point), can you get a duplicate? I almost did it once, that key was a good $850 to replace though. Found it when I had pretty much given up.

------------

I'm so carsick. Had to go to the hospital this evening and I got so stressed out by the travelling. Bah.

I've searched all over my room, and nada. I hope I didn't loose it on the bus or something. I have absolutely no clue. But I can't get a duplicate, in big letters, it says:
"PROPERTY OF MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY. DO NOT DUP." so I'm pretty much screwed. They have to change the locks if you loose it, copying is not an option. I really don't want to spend $75, I'd be so low on funds it's hard to imagine, considering I'm probably going to have to pay for my own hormones, because I'm pretty sure my insurance doesn't cover them.

Try dramamine? I've been told it works wonders. Personally, I have to face straight in the car. Doesn't have to be vertical though. ANd I can't read from a book, but a screen is just fine.

Had an awful argument with my so-called family all because I'm getting stressed about the approach of Xmas and I don't want a repeat of the trauma I experienced last year.

I don't care how embarrassed or angry they are about my transition: they said some horrific, inhuman things to me tonight that nobody should ever say to someone they supposedly love.

They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Add on top of that, a "friend" of mine who considers himself an "ally" refuses to listen to my requests to stop using the word "->-bleeped-<-."

EDIT:

Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 14, 2013, 04:33:49 PMHad an awful argument with my so-called family all because I'm getting stressed about the approach of Xmas and I don't want a repeat of the trauma I experienced last year.

I don't care how embarrassed or angry they are about my transition: they said some horrific, inhuman things to me tonight that nobody should ever say to someone they supposedly love.

They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

You poor, poor thing.
Logistically, thanksgiving with my family won't be possible. Christmas, however, I am expected to be in Florida with them. I'm nervous on what to do too.

Drunken mother wnated me to throw about 3 pairs of her shoes out.  She claims they were busted up with holes in them but as a person who has voluntarily worn shoes with holes so bad in the they they leak through the rain, I could find none.  She kept yelling at me to throw them out.

Unrelated but I realize when I do come out to my mother, she will probably drink even more.  She will probably drink herself to death and there's not a dang thing I can do about that because she's stubborn and I can't tell her anything.

Quote from: Malachite on October 14, 2013, 06:41:47 PMUnrelated but I realize when I do come out to my mother, she will probably drink even more.  She will probably drink herself to death and there's not a dang thing I can do about that because she's stubborn and I can't tell her anything.

I worry this about my dad. Worse, it could ruin his military career and retirement.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 06:45:17 PM
I worry this about my dad. Worse, it could ruin his military career and retirement.

-hugs-

Quote from: Malachite on October 14, 2013, 06:41:47 PM
I realize when I do come out to my mother, she will probably drink even more.  She will probably drink herself to death and there's not a dang thing I can do about that because she's stubborn and I can't tell her anything.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 06:45:17 PM
I worry this about my dad. Worse, it could ruin his military career and retirement.

Just a quick... well... something I wanted to say to you two. Willow, in the short time you've been here, you've been an awesome source of support and putting yourself out there. And Mal, you already know I think you're awesome. What I wanted to say is that you two have the potential to grow into remarkable people. Willow, I think you have the capacity to blossom into the empathic, beautifully loving and caring woman you already are inside. And Malachite, I know for damn sure you have the strength of mind and deep down drive to become the considerate, thoughtful, attentive and all round great guy I already know you to be.

Please don't blame yourself for other people's actions, okay? There comes a time where people have to take responsibility for their own actions, and trying to lay that at your door is just... wrong. Everyone has a choice in what they do. All any of us can do is live our lives the best way we know how. Sure, being kind, considerate and mindful of others is all well and good... but just be yourselves, okay? That's all this world can ask of you. And if you do that, you embark on everything with an honesty which forms a basis for all the relationships you ever have.

You're both worth way too much to hide yourself away out of fear over what other people will do when they find out who you are.

*huggles*

Quote from: Sephirah on October 14, 2013, 06:58:19 PMJust a quick... well... something I wanted to say to you two. Willow, in the short time you've been here, you've been an awesome source of support and putting yourself out there. And Mal, you already know I think you're awesome. What I wanted to say is that you two have the potential to grow into remarkable people. Willow, I think you have the capacity to blossom into the empathic, beautifully loving and caring woman you already are inside. And Malachite, I know for damn sure you have the strength of mind and deep down drive to become the considerate, thoughtful, attentive and all round great guy I already know you to be.

Please don't blame yourself for other people's actions, okay? There comes a time where people have to take responsibility for their own actions, and trying to lay that at your door is just... wrong. Everyone has a choice in what they do. All any of us can do is live our lives the best way we know how. Sure, being kind, considerate and mindful of others is all well and good... but just be yourselves, okay? That's all this world can ask of you. And if you do that, you embark on everything with an honesty which forms a basis for all the relationships you ever have.

You're both worth way too much to hide yourself away out of fear over what other people will do when they find out who you are.

*huggles*

I really think it could be a problem, though. He's been living with my family for less than 25% of the time in the last 9 years. I feel that he will feel hat he has not raised me properly as a man, pass from borderline alcoholic to depressive alcoholic, and get himself thrown out.

And just my luck, I just found out that my insurance only covers GID if you're born intersexed. Crud.

Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 07:06:13 PM
I really think it could be a problem, though. He's been living with my family for less than 25% of the time in the last 9 years. I feel that he will feel hat he has not raised me properly as a man, pass from borderline alcoholic to depressive alcoholic, and get himself thrown out.

This may be hard to hear, hon, but that isn't your burden to bear. You don't owe your life to anyone. You don't have to live your life a certain way just so someone else feels they've done the right thing. If it isn't you, it isn't you. It's no one's fault. You are who you are.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 14, 2013, 07:24:09 PMThis may be hard to hear, hon, but that isn't your burden to bear. You don't owe your life to anyone. You don't have to live your life a certain way just so someone else feels they've done the right thing. If it isn't you, it isn't you. It's no one's fault. You are who you are.

It's just tough. As nasty as my parents can get, I still care for them. I don't want my dad thrown out of the military and have mom initiate a divorce and then have my younger sister in limbo. Her I care about the most. I don't want her to be hurt by me. I've already done that enough to her.

Just got done having a very bad panic attack and now my lungs hurt from struggling to breathe and I am in a daze. And I'm hungry, but the boys didn't bring me back food. >>

Bought a faulty game in a store, going to return it tomorrow and of course, our landlord and our landlady are just awful, childish people. I'm sick of them.

I know i suck, because this is nothing to be unhappy about.

Having a scratchy sore throat and a mild dry cough :/

Nothing like getting yelled at in the morning to start your day off great!