I need to come out to my dad today

ukftminneed · October 17, 2013, 05:19:20 AM

I just cant cope any more with the way he treats me as a female , its depressing , I have to ring him today
I have no idea how to tell him ,
im thinking something like '' im going to have gender reassignment surgery/therapy , because I should have been born a boy ''
I dont want to have a huge talk with him because hes going to be angry lol

Ltl89 · October 17, 2013, 05:38:57 AM

What sort of guy is your father? How do you expect him to react? Is there a way to do it that will make yiu both comfortable? I believe every situation is too different to say there is a rigjt or wrong way. You just have to find what works for you. I told some peop may e directly others in writing. It depended on the circumstances and the person I was disclosing to. With that in mind, how would you like to tell your father?

KabitTarah · October 17, 2013, 07:05:31 AM

Quote from: ukftminneed on October 17, 2013, 05:19:20 AM
I just cant cope any more with the way he treats me as a female , its depressing , I have to ring him today
I have no idea how to tell him ,
im thinking something like '' im going to have gender reassignment surgery/therapy , because I should have been born a boy ''
I dont want to have a huge talk with him because hes going to be angry lol

I would mention therapy, I would not mention surgery. Surgery (and hormones) get people riled up and defensive quickly (I know... and I didn't even mention HRT until recently - and have no surgery plans at this time).

Let him know that you love him and that it's difficult for you, but that this is not something new, just something you've pushed under or hid for a long time.

Others may be able to help more... I'm MTF and I don't know how good a job I did originally. I know that telling my wife "I want to be a girl" sent her into a spiral and I wished I'd done it differently (though it still would have been painful for her).

Megumi · October 17, 2013, 07:47:08 AM

Write a letter to get all of your feelings out onto paper. I wrote two letters to tell my parents. The first one was really a letter to myself and the second one was for them. It wasn't easy by any means to tell them. When you spend 25 years hiding who you really are you build up a lot of fear that's difficult to overcome due to you having no idea what their reaction will be.

Danielle Emmalee · October 17, 2013, 07:51:41 AM

I second the opinion that mentioning surgery in the first conversation is not a good idea. From their point of view, no matter what you tell them, this is something new and surgery is not something you just up and decide one day. You may have been considering it for years but he hasn't. Its important to first impress upon him that this is not something you have just decided on a whim, that it is something deeply important to you, then you can bring up surgery.

ukftminneed · October 17, 2013, 10:43:18 AM

sorry a really quick update , about to go out , with my dad , and tell him

KabitTarah · October 17, 2013, 10:47:51 AM

Quote from: ukftminneed on October 17, 2013, 10:43:18 AM
sorry a really quick update , about to go out , with my dad , and tell him

Good Luck UK!!

Hopefully he's understanding and accepting!

RoteRosen · October 17, 2013, 10:54:41 AM

Best of luck!!!! I'll have to have a similar conversation with a similar father at some point :p

ukftminneed · October 17, 2013, 12:40:40 PM

I wused out , but I came out to my sister

KabitTarah · October 17, 2013, 04:19:53 PM

I hope she took it well! Good luck with your father - maybe sis can help?

Rachel · October 17, 2013, 08:24:15 PM

ukftminneed, coming out to your sister is a very big deal. I see a simile face so I hope she is an ally and you can discuss and share and build your identity with her.

Congratulations on your achievement and your are one step closer to the conversation with your Dad, all in due time.

ukftminneed · October 18, 2013, 04:13:03 AM

she wasnt bothered lol shes like that though she just said ''ok , thanks for telling me ''

foreversarah · October 18, 2013, 09:02:52 AM

It's good to come out to any family member. The first one I came out to was my cousin. Who was fortunately very understanding.

ukftminneed · October 18, 2013, 11:19:35 AM

im just not to family that dont live with me

News:

I need to come out to my dad today