I've come to realize that part of my battles with my gender identity have been that my father is a misogynist and my mother is a misandrist. My father is a very likable person who in some ways seems to truly care and love me more than my mother. How/why in the world would I want to be female given the hate I've been taught? At the same time, how can I feel comfortable in my birth gender given that my mom hates men? Does anyone else struggle with this in one form or another?

Both of my parents are misogynists to an extent. My father believing in the mythical 1950's conservative ideal of what people are supposed to be (monied, single breadwinner, 2.5 kids, white... yes, he's racist too) and anything outside of that is either a pitiable mark of personal failure or at worst, as I've recently found out, a justifiable reason for you to just stop being alive. His views on what men and women are supposed to be are both restrictive, though. My mom is much more subtle, though no less gender essentialist; she believes men are more sensitive than women, that male friends won't let you down like your female friends will (because all women are catty, you see), and that having a man in your life, if you're a woman, will make you an altogether better and happier person. Her outlook is easier to ignore, because she was raised by a single mother who often verbally and physically abused her, and that her father was a figure of hope and happiness for her, but was forcibly removed from her life. Her unconscious denigration of women is still hard to bear sometimes, but knowing her background helps a little.

I'm not like you in that I'm going from one binary gender to the other, but going from one to "nothing" inasmuch as I can, so they have no idea my identity even exists and don't even have the faculties to hate it yet.

But I have struggled with my own history of misogyny and the role it played in the development/discovery of my gender identity. I'm not misogynistic anymore and have done a LOT of work to undo those biases over the years as well as educate myself on what patriarchy is, but I'm still concerned by and unsure of how percieved masculinity devoid of maleness intersects with actual male priviledge. (As in... am I seeking gains from presenting more masculine but decidedly not male? Do those gains exist for people who aren't read as male? Where is the line between pursuing identity and trying to distance myself from sexist stereotypes associated with femininity? And so on.) They're hard questions to answer.

Dealing with someone else's misogyny or misandry is easy, dumping hateful people is never a problem as I see it.

But I suffer from misandry, and it bothers me as it is so hard to purge.

I grew up with the Cleaver family +1 in that I had a sister too. Mom was easily June and dad was easily Ward. My older brother was a very good Wally clone as well.

But fortunately while my parents were brutally cliche, neither of them were bad with it. They were victims of the world they were raised in.