Ok today was a HUGE day for me. I had my assessment appointment at my therapists today and I really wanted to show up dressed as who I am. The only problem was overcoming quite a few huge fears and the lack of self confidence. I had to work then got off with 1 hour to get ready before I had to leave. Take a quick shower then shave that awful beard  then I got dressed and dolled up my hair and it turned out amazing and then I spent the next 20 minutes walking back in fourth in the living room to get myself pumped up to tackle and over come my fears. Didn't get to put any make up on, it could have been a disaster anyways so I was teetering on a panic attack then I forced myself to set the alarm, walk outside and lock the front door. So now I have to rely on my natural looks and I walked down to the first floor and didn't see anyone then I got out into the parking lot and there were 4 random people getting in/out of their cars. Nobody seemed to notice me, WOOO felt so good once I got into my car. Drove off to the therapists office building and went inside early. She had a client in her office so the door was shut and I had to take a seat. About 15 people walked by me and nobody ever did a double take! Another confidence booster yeah! Either I'm passing somewhat well or that nobody cared.

The therapy session went great. She was happy to see all the progress I made this week then gave me a bunch of material to work on so we can move forward from this point. Basically I have to have a solid grasp on WPATH and check out some of the local LGBT programs to get my foot in the door as well. I think I'm very close to getting my letter for HRT as we confirmed a few important things about myself. Since I came out and was able to go out in public as the person that I feel that I am and how calm and happy I felt this week compared to last week and made some sizeable changes on the financial side of my life to make sure transition was possible then everything is in my hands moving forward.

I'm still in shock in how well things went today. I feel like kicking myself in the butt for not doing all of this sooner but maybe I just wasn't ready until now.

So happy for you my sister. I remember my first time and can imagine how you felt. Excited, exhilarated and free. Good for you baby. Keep up the good work! 

  Way to go girl ! One step at a time and you will be there before you know it.  Pat

What a big step in so little time since your reveal to your therapist, how exicitng!
I can only be proud of you, you should be too.

Megan-

Congrats on overcoming your fears and stepping out there! I was visibly shaking with fear my first time out LOL..... but it turned out all right.

It does get easier each time you go out.

One small step for Megan, one giant leap to womanhood, Congratulations!

Thanks everyone

Quote from: Megan on October 21, 2013, 08:47:52 PM
Ok today was a HUGE day for me. I had my assessment appointment at my therapists today and I really wanted to show up dressed as who I am. The only problem was overcoming quite a few huge fears and the lack of self confidence. I had to work then got off with 1 hour to get ready before I had to leave. Take a quick shower then shave that awful beard  then I got dressed and dolled up my hair and it turned out amazing and then I spent the next 20 minutes walking back in fourth in the living room to get myself pumped up to tackle and over come my fears. Didn't get to put any make up on, it could have been a disaster anyways so I was teetering on a panic attack then I forced myself to set the alarm, walk outside and lock the front door. So now I have to rely on my natural looks and I walked down to the first floor and didn't see anyone then I got out into the parking lot and there were 4 random people getting in/out of their cars. Nobody seemed to notice me, WOOO felt so good once I got into my car. Drove off to the therapists office building and went inside early. She had a client in her office so the door was shut and I had to take a seat. About 15 people walked by me and nobody ever did a double take! Another confidence booster yeah! Either I'm passing somewhat well or that nobody cared.

The therapy session went great. She was happy to see all the progress I made this week then gave me a bunch of material to work on so we can move forward from this point. Basically I have to have a solid grasp on WPATH and check out some of the local LGBT programs to get my foot in the door as well. I think I'm very close to getting my letter for HRT as we confirmed a few important things about myself. Since I came out and was able to go out in public as the person that I feel that I am and how calm and happy I felt this week compared to last week and made some sizeable changes on the financial side of my life to make sure transition was possible then everything is in my hands moving forward.

I'm still in shock in how well things went today. I feel like kicking myself in the butt for not doing all of this sooner but maybe I just wasn't ready until now.

Congrats Megan that took a lot courage to do that on your first appointment, I was seeing my therapist a month before I took that step. But you are right with that last sentence everything happens when your ready for it not before and it does no good wondering what would have happened if you did this sooner.

Quote from: Heather on October 22, 2013, 08:45:59 AM
Congrats Megan that took a lot courage to do that on your first appointment, I was seeing my therapist a month before I took that step. But you are right with that last sentence everything happens when your ready for it not before and it does no good wondering what would have happened if you did this sooner.

It was my second session. She first saw me in male mode as a wreck and she actually said she was surprised to see me make this much progress in such a short time. She even asked me how I want to be referred as. Without hesitation I said as myself, I'm Megan. I swear I floated out of the building because I have never been in such a great mood in my life.

It's funny how life works out. You live for so long thinking every day is just a existence of misery and then doing something so big yet so small can change your outlook on life.

For me it was a quite gradual process to go into full time. I kept telling myself I would wait until I had my diagnosis and I'd started voice therapy, but when I got my diagnosis there was really nothing left to change about my appearance. But after getting my diagnosis and having my name changed, I got a bit of a boost in self confidence. It was probably a sense of validation that did it.

But I had a bit of a similar 'first time' experience the first time I went to a clothing store and confidently asked if they had a certain dress in larger sizes. Not only did the cashier go get one in my size, but she also added "You're going to love this dress, I have one myself". Of course it's in a store's best interest to keep the customers happy, but she was so unconditionally accepting. That would've been the highlight of my day if I hadn't just come from the pharmacy with three boxes of estrogen

Woohoo!!!

Quote from: Megumi on October 21, 2013, 08:47:52 PM
Ok today was a HUGE day for me. I had my assessment appointment at my therapists today and I really wanted to show up dressed as who I am. The only problem was overcoming quite a few huge fears and the lack of self confidence. I had to work then got off with 1 hour to get ready before I had to leave. Take a quick shower then shave that awful beard  then I got dressed and dolled up my hair and it turned out amazing and then I spent the next 20 minutes walking back in fourth in the living room to get myself pumped up to tackle and over come my fears. Didn't get to put any make up on, it could have been a disaster anyways so I was teetering on a panic attack then I forced myself to set the alarm, walk outside and lock the front door. So now I have to rely on my natural looks and I walked down to the first floor and didn't see anyone then I got out into the parking lot and there were 4 random people getting in/out of their cars. Nobody seemed to notice me, WOOO felt so good once I got into my car. Drove off to the therapists office building and went inside early. She had a client in her office so the door was shut and I had to take a seat. About 15 people walked by me and nobody ever did a double take! Another confidence booster yeah! Either I'm passing somewhat well or that nobody cared.

The therapy session went great. She was happy to see all the progress I made this week then gave me a bunch of material to work on so we can move forward from this point. Basically I have to have a solid grasp on WPATH and check out some of the local LGBT programs to get my foot in the door as well. I think I'm very close to getting my letter for HRT as we confirmed a few important things about myself. Since I came out and was able to go out in public as the person that I feel that I am and how calm and happy I felt this week compared to last week and made some sizeable changes on the financial side of my life to make sure transition was possible then everything is in my hands moving forward.

I'm still in shock in how well things went today. I feel like kicking myself in the butt for not doing all of this sooner but maybe I just wasn't ready until now.

Good for you, keep it up   

Finding it easier to go out as myself. Said hi to a few people at the therapists office. As far as I could tell once again nobody cared or gave a flip about me being trans. Was a great evening and will get to do it again tomorrow when I go to a support group meeting.