Hello everyone.

Over many years, I've felt really conflicted in myself and no longer really feel like a single individual inside. Instead I'm spit between different opinions,interests and methods of thinking, and I alternate between them randomly, essentially giving me two personalities. They are separate enough that I've been arguing with myself over how i perceive my gender, so I'm posting here to see if anyone knows what the best option would be.

I essentially have a male side and a female side. One tends to dominate over the other. Some days I'll want to completely reject the female side as it feels alien and not compatible with my interests, but others I'm completely sick of my male half and want to be female.  I never fall between the two, it's just a binary switch between two extremes (I know I'm not A). Sometimes they can switch constantly, even every couple of minutes. I'd like to rid myself of one of them so i can get on with my life without having to spend hours shutting myself away panicking and arguing with myself. I'm beyond caring which, I'll consider transitioning if it stops it, but to tell the truth I have no idea if it will work. I can't guess at which side is stronger more of the time either, I can't keep track of it. I don't externally express the female side, I'm trying to hide it's existence, at least for the time being.

I'm sure this isn't right, Who sits around arguing with themselves for days? (apart from politicians )

My obvious (and poor) joke aside, I think it's reached the stage now where i can no longer take it. I'm so fed up with not really knowing who i am i've decided to ask for help. I dont know if this is entirely the right place to come to look first, but I'm sure I might be able to learn something about myself from everyone here.

Thank you for reading this, even if you can't help me, just knowing that I have anonymously acknowledged I have a problem is the first step to me solving it.

Hi Twi, welcome to Susan's!

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Amy

Hi Twi,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8108 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member.


Janet  )O(

Hello Twi, i wish to send you a welcome to the forum.

Izzy

Hi Twi and welcome to the family. First we all here have had the inner struggle you are going through so you are completely normal. Welcome to probable Gender Dysphoria. I am glad you have the strength to come here for answers and help. You will find information from those living with what you are living with. Make yourself comfortable and hit the forums. Hope to hear more from you. This is a very special place. BIG HUG! 

Hi, Twi.    Don't worry, you're not alone.  I argue with myself all the time.  I've sometimes wondered if I had a spit personality or something. o.O  I often feel like there are two people inside of me, the male side and the female side, duking it out over who gets to be the real me (lol )  But ever since I found this place they seem to be getting along much better. 

A warm welcome to you, from the both of us.

Welcome, Twi,

Just acknowledging the problem is a huge step. It's also hugely difficult. You should be proud of yourself. 

We're definitely here for support.  I've never been anywhere on the internet that's so supportive. These really are some amazing people.

Have you considered a therapist? Don't worry, going doesn't mean you're insane, it's means you have the strength get help.

If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

-maggie

As both Maggie and Kai stated here before me, you are not the first and you should be very much proud of yourself

I'm not sure if this is suiting, since I am fairly new to the forum as well, but.

Welcome to Susans! I'm sure you will love it here, I have and it has not been a complete day since I joined up

Thanks for the warm welcome.

I should just correct myself a little by saying that I'm never uncomfortable with being male (or at least never any less than indifferent), it fits me pretty well most of the time, its just that every so often I feel like I'm more female in some ways. It used to be more minor and I could cope with it, but it's gotten stronger lately for some reason. I don't know why or when it started or why it's getting stronger, perhaps I'm just agitating myself over it. Is this the sort of thing a therapist could help with?

Quote from: ~Kai on October 24, 2013, 03:17:41 AM
Hi, Twi.    Don't worry, you're not alone.  I argue with myself all the time.  I've sometimes wondered if I had a spit personality or something. o.O  I often feel like there are two people inside of me, the male side and the female side, duking it out over who gets to be the real me (lol )  But ever since I found this place they seem to be getting along much better. 

This describes it well. I'm feeling much better today than i was the day i first posted here. I think i've realised that the real me has to be a bit of both, because even if I were to wake up as a girl tomorrow morning, my male side would still be there and I'd still be pretty similar to how i am now. The only thing I don't know is how much I'd miss being physically male, it could be anywhere between not at all or a good deal.

Kind of off topic, but the whole spit personality thing and your avatar made me read that whole post in Vincent's voice

Quote from: Twi on October 25, 2013, 04:50:29 AM
I should just correct myself a little by saying that I'm never uncomfortable with being male (or at least never any less than indifferent), it fits me pretty well most of the time, its just that every so often I feel like I'm more female in some ways. It used to be more minor and I could cope with it, but it's gotten stronger lately for some reason. I don't know why or when it started or why it's getting stronger, perhaps I'm just agitating myself over it. Is this the sort of thing a therapist could help with?

It is very much what a therapist is for, girl. If you keep trying to move on without dealing with it, it's been my experience that it will only get worse. Therapy is entirely voluntary. If you don't like it, walk out. My therapist mostly just lets me work things out, she just keeps me pointed in the right direction, or nudges me when I stall. She's never been mean or judgmental, not even once. I hope you decide to give it a try. This doesn't mean you have to go today, if you're not ready. Keep looking around here, see what resonates. Here you can be the girl you feel inside.

Kai's right, you're not alone. We all here to help, don't be shy about asking us anything. ::hugs::

Your sister,
  -maggie

Quote from: Twi on October 25, 2013, 04:50:29 AM
I think i've realised that the real me has to be a bit of both, because even if I were to wake up as a girl tomorrow morning, my male side would still be there and I'd still be pretty similar to how i am now. The only thing I don't know is how much I'd miss being physically male, it could be anywhere between not at all or a good deal.

Kind of off topic, but the whole spit personality thing and your avatar made me read that whole post in Vincent's voice

I have felt like this sometimes.  I have thought that if I was born male, there would still be a part of me inside that is female, and I might have ended up with the same issue anyway. 

But what really does it for me though is the fact that I know for certain now that I would rather have the body of a man, and rather be treated and seen as a man by others, by far.  My male side far outweighs my female side, I know that for sure. 

And, yay!  Everyone's been diggin on my Vincent avatar, makes me happy. 

Hi and welcome to Susan's! 

I'm sure you'll find excellent information and excellent  friends to talk to here.

You haven't just joined a site, but you have joined a family.