Hi,

I've never been able to talk about it to anyone. Until this post right here I've never written a word about it. I've hated being me for a long time, since I was a teen at least. A few years ago ending things seemed like the best alternative. Don't worry, I got help. I'm still getting help. I wish everyday that I'd been born female. (There, I said it. Terrifying.) That's the one thing I haven't told my therapist.

I'm 41 now, overweight, miserable. I've lurked around here for a few days, it's a comfort to find a place where I can be myself. I don't know what's next, but this is the biggest step I've taken since ever. Thank you all for being here. And reading this.

-m

Hi Magdalena,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8085 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Janet  )O(

Hi Magdalena, welcome to Susan's!

Amy

Quote from: Magdalena on October 20, 2013, 10:37:13 PM
I've never been able to talk about it to anyone. Until this post right here I've never written a word about it. I've hated being me for a long time, since I was a teen at least. A few years ago ending things seemed like the best alternative. Don't worry, I got help. I'm still getting help. I wish everyday that I'd been born female. (There, I said it. Terrifying.) That's the one thing I haven't told my therapist.

Hi Maggie!

Welcome to Susans! I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time but you've already made it through one of the hardest parts: acceptance. Acknowledging your real gender identity is really brave and I commend you. Good luck with everything and here's hoping you the best!

xoxoxo

Shaina

Maggie? I like that.  Thank you all for the warm welcome. I promise to behave. Really.

Today's been the first day that I've ever given serious thought to transitioning. Sure, I've thought about it in an abstract way, but now... Well, it seems less than impossible.    I'm genuinely excited about the future. And freaked out. And scared. But not depressed. It's been a long time since I could say that. I don't know what I'll do (I am, at heart, a coward), but I know that finding a place where I can be me, completely me, has been amazing. Freeing. Okay, so it's my fourth post, I'm still a newb. And it's only been a day. And in many ways nothing's really changed. And I write in sentence fragments. And use more emoticons then I normally do.

That moment in the Disney films where the princess throws her arms out and spins while singing happily... It's like that. 

Just one more emoticon for no good reason: 

Quote from: Magdalena on October 21, 2013, 11:53:30 PM
Maggie? I like that.  Thank you all for the warm welcome. I promise to behave. Really.

Today's been the first day that I've ever given serious thought to transitioning. Sure, I've thought about it in an abstract way, but now... Well, it seems less than impossible.    I'm genuinely excited about the future. And freaked out. And scared. But not depressed. It's been a long time since I could say that. I don't know what I'll do (I am, at heart, a coward), but I know that finding a place where I can be me, completely me, has been amazing. Freeing. Okay, so it's my fourth post, I'm still a newb. And it's only been a day. And in many ways nothing's really changed. And I write in sentence fragments. And use more emoticons then I normally do.

That moment in the Disney films where the princess throws her arms out and spins while singing happily... It's like that. 

Just one more emoticon for no good reason: 

Glad you like the nickname Maggie!

I'm so pleased to hear that you're feeling happy and the site is to your liking. Even a "newb" knows when they belong. I only joined a little bit ago myself!

::Hugs::

Just a Disney princess singing for no good reason:

Quote from: Magdalena on October 21, 2013, 11:53:30 PM
Maggie? I like that.  Thank you all for the warm welcome. I promise to behave. Really.

Today's been the first day that I've ever given serious thought to transitioning. Sure, I've thought about it in an abstract way, but now... Well, it seems less than impossible.    I'm genuinely excited about the future. And freaked out. And scared. But not depressed. It's been a long time since I could say that. I don't know what I'll do (I am, at heart, a coward), but I know that finding a place where I can be me, completely me, has been amazing. Freeing. Okay, so it's my fourth post, I'm still a newb. And it's only been a day. And in many ways nothing's really changed. And I write in sentence fragments. And use more emoticons then I normally do.

That moment in the Disney films where the princess throws her arms out and spins while singing happily... It's like that. 

Just one more emoticon for no good reason: 

Hi, there!  Can I call you Maggie too? 

Everything you said I relate to so much.  I am FtM and I, too, have just started given serious thought to transitioning.   It's such a huge mix of emotions, but in a good way.  And like you said, the one thing I don't feel is depressed.  Anxious?  Oh yes, but not depressed.   And I know what you mean about how freeing it feels to find this place.  Everyone is so nice.  I feel the same way already and I just joined today!  Except for me it was more like throwing my fists into the sky and roaring on a top a mountain while I flex my imaginary muscles. XD

Of course, Kai. 

Shaina, I've watched that a half-dozen times already. I'm going to keep it bookmarked so I can get a lift if I feel some lows coming. Thank you. 

I can't figure out how to embed a video in return so you get this instead:

Hi Maggie,
I think that name will stick.....i do like it though. Anyway, you have come to a good place when you came to Susans. Don't worry about being freaked out or scared. I've been there too.
I found that acceptance of myself and my true female gender brought great comfort to me. It took a little time but I am now in a good place in my life. You too can get to a good place in your life. As I said to someone recently that at Susans we understand each other, we support each other and we learn to love who we are. I'm glad that you are here.
Love,
Ciara.

Hi Maggie! A big warm welcome to you. Do not ever think that transition is impossible. I am 47 and have just started the process, HRT two months. There comes a time when you have to do what you do and make YOURSELF happy and free. I feel you have reached that point. This place is the best thing I ever found. I have new brothers and sisters who have done more for me that my own family has. PM me if you ever need to talk or vent as we are close to the same age and can understand the times we grew up in and how they formed us. We have a different set of issue's unlike some of the younger one's, so make yourself at home here and pump up your self confidence. Transition IS doable! BIG HUG!! 

Welcome to the boards I hope you find support here and feel free to be open here. Noone is going to judge, we are here to support

Quote from: Magdalena on October 22, 2013, 09:43:45 AM
Shaina, I've watched that a half-dozen times already. I'm going to keep it bookmarked so I can get a lift if I feel some lows coming. Thank you. 

I can't figure out how to embed a video in return so you get this instead:

Ha! That's funny, thank you! 

Glad to see the name Maggie has caught on! I think it suits you as well as Susans

Hi Maggie!

You and I sound a lot alike.  I was 285 pounds at 41, then down to 200 at 43 and with 2 fewer feet of large intestine.  Oh well, at least I wasn't diabetic anymore...

Then I had to go and work construction all summer long in my own kitchen.  I put on 25 pounds of solid muscle and 15 pounds of good, old fashioned beer gut.  Most guys would have loved to have the extra beefcakiness, but it sent my dysphoria throught the roof, looking so manly.   This led to more drinking and bouts of extreme depression and anxiety.  I soon got a gender therapist who got me straightened out quickly.  One thing that hit me hard was when she said that transitioning is not that big of a deal, people do it all the time and 99% of the time they wish they hadn't waited so long to do it.  You may lose some people along the way, but those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.  Anyway, I've been on HRT for 9 months now and I feel amazing.  It sure beats being a statistic, which was where I was definitely headed.

Your desires are not uncommon. It hits us all at certain times in life. Guess I was lucky that I knew that very early in life. Now my only challenges are correcting & improving my physical body to normal.

Good luck to you, someone said recently is it a blessing or a curse It's hard to answer.

Thanks to all of you for the continuing warm welcome. 

Jill, I spent a lot of time for the last few years considering how easy it might be to put me out of my misery. I was sure I wasn't going to act on it (pretty sure, anyway) but it was a thing. Haven't considered it once in the last 48 hours. Did have a moment when I realized how much I wasn't thinking about it. I'm glad you're not a statistic, I think I won't be one either. 

FrancisAnn, I can only say that it's be a huge blessing that I found this place. 

Jessica, when I figure out the questions I'll take you up on your offer. 

I can't believe how much my view of the world has changed in the last two days. I'm alive. More alive than I've been in a very long time. I can't sleep, I'm too wound up. I feel like someone turned me all the way up to 11. Just last weekend I was too scared to admit what I've always known. Now I'm considering what it's going to take to make transition a reality. I might really be able to do this. Is this a good time to squee? 

Just be cool no matter what, nothing is worth causing your self any harm. Nothing! Take care of yourself & live for another day to enjoy life.

This will make you feel better:

Of course, eating it would make you a cannibal 

Quote from: Willow on October 23, 2013, 12:51:37 AM
This will make you feel better:

Of course, eating it would make you a cannibal 

Never heard of them before, but cannibalism be damned, I want to try one. 

Quote from: Magdalena on October 23, 2013, 12:59:44 AMNever heard of them before, but cannibalism be damned, I want to try one. 

Those are the Valencia style, with chocolate chips. I don't know which ones I made for my Spanish class that one time.
But they are delish *takes a bite of Magdalena*

Ahh! Maggie-cide!