I doubled my E dose today, first day of the ramp up. Just like day one, I was giddy and laughing uncontrollably at times. I had told my co-workers that I was on anti-depressants to explain my changing mood. (It's not a lie, E stopped me from being depressed.) Someone asked what was wrong with me. I told them that today was the day I had doubled my anti-depressants. A co-worker whom I am good friends with, let's call him "Kenny", asked why I didn't bring any to share.

"Trust me, you wouldn't want them." I said

"Come on, I'm depressed too. This job sucks!"

"No, I'm pretty sure these wouldn't help you, they're part of my deep, dark secret." (I've been pushing people off of trying to friend me on Facebook by saying that my page contains a deep, dark secret. My Facebook page is in my girl name, so it would kind of be a dead giveaway.)

"Why, are they actually estrogen?" ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-, I'm so effing dead. I'm in the bible belt, I'm trans, and I'm SO effing dead! (I work in a factory, it's loud and everyone wears earplugs, so no one else heard this but me. At least, I hope they didn't...)

"What?" I stop working and look at him, his face is completely deadpan.

"What?" He says, looking directly at me.

We say "what" back and forth for a bit, until I just turn away and go back to work. Okay, it was just a joke. He doesn't know, it was just a joke.

A few minutes later I hear "So is that your secret, you're becoming a woman?" Okay, now I'm effing dead.

"Am I that obvious?"

"Kinda. I mean, how else would you know so much about transsexuals?" (We've had conversation about trans issues before. I don't bring it up, I just try to do damage control on misunderstandings and bigotry.)

"Yeah, I guess that was kind of obvious." Oh gods, if he figured it out, then other people must know too! I'm so effing DEAD!

"Just a little bit."

"Please, you can't tell anyone I'm trans. I could lose my job, or worse, my life. I need you to keep this a secret. Please?"

He looks at me for a second and says "Oookay." Of course he knows he's not supposed to out me, he dated a trans guy before he transitioned, he knows the rules. Duh...

A few minutes after that I hear "So, uh, you were joking, right?"

"What?" wat

"About being trans?" WAT

I just stare at him, dumbfounded, while my traitorous cranium shakes back and forth in a clear 'no'. He was joking. I'm an idiot. A dead idiot...

"Oh, well... That's cool I guess. I don't really care either way, it's your business." I can see my tombstone now. 'Here lies [boy name], he thought he was a girl.'

"You were joking?"

"Um, yeah, sorry." At this point I start hitting my head against my press.

"Well then, why don't I just ->-bleeped-<-ing tell everybody at this point!?"

So yeah, it went well, I just wish it hadn't happened at all. I really wasn't planning on coming out to anyone at work for months, if ever.

Edited for profanity

Wow!  That's nuts.  I wonder if he still thinks you were joking.  I can't believe he said this: "Why, are they actually estrogen?"

I mean, who says that out of the blue??

Oops! Well he sounds like a reasonably decent guy to out yourself to...?

Deep, dark secret? Really??

Mwahahahaha, I now know both your Susan's and ->-bleeped-<- usernames.  I don't know what power being able to connect these accounts can give me yet, but there must be something 

Kristal I'm sorry, but I had to smile a little on that one. I had an incident very similar to yours and it seemed the more I opened my mouth the worse it got until the news just exploded. Had I just mumbled and walked off nothing would have happened, but once I got to talking it was Abbott and Costello all over again. I hope one day in the future you too can smile when you see a story like yours as most of us get in that situation once or twice. Love ya! 

Your story started out very funny... I sincerely hope it's something you and he can look back on and laugh about some day!

...

I'm so "out" when I start E, aren't I......

Quote from: Kristal on October 23, 2013, 11:11:34 PMOkay, now I'm effing dead.

A "Transition" is pretty much a matter of letting the old you die so the new you can live. You're just transitioning, but haven't stood on a box and announced it yet.