I'm talking serious about this.

There's nothing I would like to do more that to go to a pub, hear live music, or just drink something and maybe get talked to by somebody. I know that my friends won't go on a Saturday night, they have no need anymore. It's easier to organise a BBQ near the beach than going out a night.



Of course, I'm gauging the problems with doing this on by myself. Basically that if somebody, specially  drunk, starts harassing me... "What, are you a man / ->-bleeped-<- / etc" or even being attacked with violence, I don't have any kind of protection that may come from being part of a group Removing somebody t. As we all know, I'm not fully passable, and the voice turns more of a problem when having to speak loudly in these places. When considering safety, I'm not sure about wanting to go on my own. Sure, It is not a dangerous zone, police patrols are constant and I won't be using bathrooms, plus I don't drink alcohol, but...

On the good side, This makes me more approachable to people- When we are in a group, It's like being surrounded by a wall.. Also, since it's been so long since I last saw them, they are the only ones I will talk to.

What do you think about this? Going alone in a weekend night while in transition and without complete passability?

Well you should make sure you are safe, but sure, why not give it a go. Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say!

I like spending time with small groups of friends but I'm a bit of a loner, since I've never been in many relationships I tend to spend a lot of time by myself which includes going solo to movies, diners, cafés, pubs, etc... it's something I don't give much thought to in male mode but realise that if I want to continue the practice once I cross fully to female that the dynamic changes somewhat - women by themselves are certainly prone to being hassled by guys who think they "have a chance"... yuk.

I used to do a fair amount of entertaining in bars as a sideshow performer (believe it or not), so I have a few tips that might come in handy, although they are based in the US rather than Spain.  I'm hoping bars are similar the world over.

I would recommend checking out a few places (and feeling them out) early in the evening before the majority of the patrons are drunk.  How the bar staff treats you can be very revealing.  If they treat you like just another patron, or better as a woman, then you are probably on fairly safe ground.  Don't expect people to talk to you right away, a lot of smaller bars have a kind of clique about them... once you've been around a few days, though, you will probably find that you are starting to become integrated into the clique (which is a wonderful thing...  once you're one of "them" you're on safe ground in that place).

It would be especially helpful, at this stage in your transition, if you could find a GLBTQ friendly bar... they can be hard to find, but are well worth the effort.

Other than that, keep your wits about you.  You will probably be safe inside the bar itself, but leaving the bar can be a dangerous proposition; you might be followed outside or there may be people outside.  Often bars will, at your request, have a staff member help walk you to your car.

Hope this helps! 

I do now and always have. I have also had a few scary moments. Good thing I only do it in an area where I am well known and have many 'friends'.

I'd suggest a LGBT bar if you can find one.

If you're alone, you'll need a keen danger sensor. Look for a more educated, perhaps more upscale crowd (they'd have much more to lose by being violent).

When you go in, look for someone, maybe on the staff, who you think you might be able to turn to if you really needed help. Maybe try to make their acquaintance in a friendly way, so if you needed someone to turn to if things got problematic, you'd have something to do.

If you've got friends who are willing to be on call to come get you if you need an escort out, that wouldn't be a bad thing either.

In most places you're probably safe, but you don't want to be a statistic.

I did and had problems. I ran into drunk ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s. I ended up bruised. I will again but I think I'll go early first and I will not go back there. Ever

Be careful, please.

Jen

When I started to go out, way before going FT, I went to a local hotel that served meal in the restaurant area. The staff soon got to know me and were very friendly. One Christmas I gave the manager $50 to go towards the staff Christmas drink party. After that I was utterly untouchable!

I started to go to dances there and occasional drinks, the security guys kept an eye on me but I never had any problems. I did get too much to drink once and a security guard drove me home, which was incredibly kind and sweet of him.

Now I'm fully out I go anywhere I feel like and have never had any problems, but I keep my eyes open and I employ the normal female precautions for being out at night.

When I was starting a few of the girls suggested going to the movies as it is of course dark! until you got confidence up for going in public.

I travel a lot for work, and when I do, I often go out for a drink by myself at the end of long day.  Especially so if I'm in a new city.  It's really not that different compared to pre transition.  Plenty of girls go to bars solo.

If you're in a mid-transition position where passing is a bit hit or miss, then I'd just make sure to pick your bars carefully.  While visually I pass with out issue, and audibly more or less, I still have male id.  Whenever I get carded I'm immediately outed, though I've never once had an issue with any bar tender or bouncer.  Just smile, remain calm and it'll be fine.

I've got the map for LGBT friendly spaces in the city. Too bad most of them are discos (I don't dance and I don't' plant to, but loud music is what kills things for me).

Still may go and have a look on november....

I might if it were LGBT+, but I'd find a good group to go with otherwise. Safety in numbers!! (I'd also probably prefer the dance clubs). Also... not at all right now! I couldn't go out fem (certainly not w/o the makeup I'm still totally clueless on) and I wouldn't want to go out male.

Quote from: kabit on October 25, 2013, 06:49:45 AM
certainly not w/o the makeup I'm still totally clueless on

Took me months to learn the eyeliner. Nowadays it is my most defining characteristics, and most girls always congratulate on how good I do it. Still suck with eyeshadow, though...

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 25, 2013, 06:54:57 AM

Took me months to learn the eyeliner. Nowadays it is my most defining characteristics, and most girls always congratulate on how good I do it. Still suck with eyeshadow, though...

I want to learn... but it's very expensive, too. I'm slowly increasing my collection of things to play with. Every item I buy that's just wrong for me is a loss, though (i.e. wrong color, etc - so far foundation and lipstick have come out really wrong).

Right now... mascara has got me stumped. I can do it, but my lashes are maybe not long enough (do they lengthen with HRT?) and even with tissue I get some on my lower eyelid. Effing hurts to get that brush in the eye too!! (I wear glasses, no contacts... so it's extra tough).

I'm a bit older than most of our people, which does make a difference.  I wouldn't normally go to a bar alone but I have done it.  I spent some time chatting with a friendly barmaid and two men - one of whom bought me a drink.  The men walked home with me and I think they were a bit disappointed when I turned into the old folks' housing!

I went on holiday with a few friends in the Summer and one of the guys gets carded every time we go into a place that sells alcohol.  He looks about 15 if he's lucky, but his ID says he's 20 and is in his previous female name.  When I was with him the responses from staff were "Oh that's OK" or "Oh, you don't look it" or "Sorry, we have to check".  No problems.