Hey guys.  I'm new here and I already made an intro at the introductions forum, but I might as well introduce myself here as well.  I'm Kai, 27, from Seattle.  I'm in the process of figuring out what I am, but I have been leaning more and more towards male.  I wanted to try binding, but I had no binder sooo.... I decided to make one.  Out of a pair of an old Spanx knock off my sister gave me a while back. XP

I never really used them, so I figured I wouldn't miss it.  I basically cut the legs off of it to create a cylinder of cloth to put around my chest.  It did flatten things out somewhat, but not enough. (I have kind of a large chest)  So I looked for something else and found this wide elastic belt I had hanging in my closet (that I used to use to try to accentuate my waist when I was trying to be female, blehhh) and strapped it around me.  I threw on a t-shirt and took a look in the mirror and...

WOW!  I had never realized just how dysphoric I was about my chest until I saw myself in the mirror with it on.  I can't believe how much better I felt.  It looked... normal.  That's the only way I can describe it.  For the first time, my chest looked the way I always felt like it should.  And even moreso, FELT like it should.  It was so nice to put my hands on my chest and feel nothing there.  Nothing in the way.  Just flat, pectoral-like goodness.

I was also surprised at how well this creation of mine had worked.  I mean, I donno if I could wear it in public because it doesn't stay in place very well, but to just have it to put on when I'm at home and feeling like I want them to go away for a while is a comforting thought.

Although, now I am finding I am feeling more dysphoric than ever.  Doing this woke something up in me.  A real, strong desire not to have these things anymore.  I found that after taking the binder off, every time I saw them through my shirt, or felt them move, I just want to pull them off and toss them out the window.  I think I had always kind of tolerated them by trying to pretend they weren't there, but man, that's hard now.  I just want to wear the binder all the time.  I feel so much better with it on.  I almost feel naked if I'm around someone without it now because I'm more aware that they can see that they're there.    Anyone else ever feel this way?

I've been on T for a little while, I have a fairly small chest and I still feel that way. I used to wear binders 24/7 but it really made my scoliosis flair up so now while I'm home I have started wearing a really tight sports bra to give my back a rest. Even though it keeps them down ok, it's still not as flat as it is with the binder and those "exposed/disphoric" feelings come rushing back. I couldn't ever imagine going back to sports bras in public and just ready to get them removed completely. There isn't anything better than seeing your outside match the inside

Quote from: ~Kai on October 25, 2013, 06:55:58 AM
Doing this woke something up in me.  A real, strong desire not to have these things anymore. 

It is good to have the clarity about how you feel, huh? Almost like validation even. I felt the exact same way when I first saw myself in a binder. It was relief, confirmation and immediate impatience for the day when they could truly be gone.

Even if your chest is small, you might want to go ahead and invest in a real binder. Likely way more comfortable than the modified spanx.

I know exactly how you feel. The first time I binded my own chest, I did it the not so good way, with tape. Then again, when I was younger, I used ace bandaging, hoping to never get boobs. That of course, did not work. I am now going to invest in a real binder, and hopefully I will be able to buy one soon. Now, I am not going to try to excuse this with that I just want to cross play male characters from an Anime. I am just going to be who I am, even though it might take a while.

When I went out, dressed up and just binded up with a tight T-shirt, I actually felt great. When I had my shoulders slightly hunched, you could not tell I even had boobs. But, at certain times when I was walking, I could clearly feel them and it just made me want run and hide, and I just felt nauseous.

But yeah, I'm just hoping that I can find a binder for cheep, that still will do its job of binding my fairly large chest.

Quote from: ~Kai on October 25, 2013, 06:55:58 AM
For the first time, my chest looked the way I always felt like it should.  And even moreso, FELT like it should.  It was so nice to put my hands on my chest and feel nothing there.  Nothing in the way.  Just flat, pectoral-like goodness.

Those were my exact thoughts as well.

Ive been wearing my Underworks binder, my first binder, for about 2 weeks now. If I wear it for 4-5 hours or more, I start getting an achey pain in my ribs. Is this normal because the binder is new? I got it in the right size and everything

Quote from: ~Kai on October 25, 2013, 06:55:58 AM
WOW!  I had never realized just how dysphoric I was about my chest until I saw myself in the mirror with it on.  I can't believe how much better I felt.  It looked... normal.  That's the only way I can describe it.  For the first time, my chest looked the way I always felt like it should.  And even moreso, FELT like it should.  It was so nice to put my hands on my chest and feel nothing there.  Nothing in the way.  Just flat, pectoral-like goodness.

That's exactly how I felt the first time I bound. I was still very very confused about my gender but I wanted to try binding and see how I reacted to it -possibly a subconscious attempt to confirm what I knew deep down and wouldn't accept- and I dug out some old ace bandages from when I used to twist my ankle all the time. I could not believe how happy it made me to have a flat chest, and after that I went and ordered a binder. Now, the more I wear my binder, the more I refuse to go without it XD I used to bind maybe once a week before because it was uncomfortable but now I can hardly stand not binding when I go out. At home I just wear a shirt, no binder or bra, because in some ways it feels more natural to me- I can feel the shirt on my chest. At the same time though, I hate being able to feel them move and touch... ewww I hate it.
The reason I'm looking so hard for a good binder that's comfortable is that I have a battle every morning- suffer with my underworks and have a flat chest, or wear a sports bra and be comfortable? (Depending on the shirt, binder usually wins). Binding definitely made me realise my dysphoria, as I think I must have been ignoring or suppressing it before.

If you bind, do it properly. Things like belts, ace bandages, and stuff like that are not very good to use because unlike a binder they can tighten, which could cause severe bruising and it could cause damage to the lungs. Hell, regular binding will do that, but the danger is upped when you use improper materials. I recommend you get a proper binder as soon as possible (there's some programs out there that recycle binders or help people get cheap/free ones), and even then research proper use. You shouldn't wear them longer than 8-12 hours, don't put it on if you have been injured while binding, etc. As a guy with a DDD chest, I understand how much it sucks having them on you and I can't even hide mine with double-binding, so I really do get it. The dysphoria I feel is immense. But personal safety is far more valuable, and many guys have spoken out about improper usage of binders or the jimmy-rigged ones.

Wow, thanks for the responses, everyone!   Sorry it took me a little while to reply.

I'm not even really sure what to say.  I'm just so overwhelmed by everything right now.  And to hear that you all feel the same.  SpaceRace, It feels VERY validating.  If I ever find myself still questioning whether I'm really trans or not, I think that pretty much says it all.  You are right, Brayden.  There really isn't anything better than seeing your outside match the inside.  It's an AMAZING feeling.  And thank you for the welcome, Nick!  And Dean, I can't tell you how good it is to know I'm not the only one!

Dalex, its funny you say that, because I have always wanted to try cosplay. XD  But I was always mad about the fact that I felt like I had to go as a girl character.  I never really had any favorite female characters.  All my favorite characters were male.  I'm hoping maybe once I get a ways into my transition I can pull off a good Vincent.  Or maybe Vash would be more appropriate, since he's about as nutty as I am. XD

And thank you Gene!  I have read a bit about the mishaps of binding, and I am looking into getting a real one ASAP.  This thing was more of an experiment than anything else.  I've only really been using it to give myself a break when I feel so dysphoric I can't take it anymore, but even then I don't wear it for long periods of time.  It's actually not too tight and it's pretty comfortable, but still, yeah I don't wanna risk hurting myself.  If it does start to get uncomfortable, I take it off immediately.  I am kind of a wimp when it comes to pain, haha.  But yeah, don't worry, I promise I'll be careful!

Thanks again everyone!  It's good to know I'm not alone!

You should go for it Kai! Gosplay that is. Vash the Stampede is actually a character I was told to cosplay a while back due to my goofy personality, and I could say the entire name he had given himself in that one episode >.> Me, a sad anime nerd? I think no-... Yes, yes I am ._.

I never did it though, since well, I'm very tiny guy (5"2') and my ex used to look at me like I was a freak when I binded my chest. But yes! I think you could pull off a Vincent though, and a Vash as well. Hey! Maybe the two of us can perhaps become cosplay buddies! XD I have been wanting to go to the states to a proper Anime Con, since I have never really been to a full fledged one.

Start saving up the big monies, pretty soon binding won't be enough for you and surgery will be the course. I will be just a month short of two years of binding when my surgery date comes.