My name is Kayla and I joined this wonderful family just yesterday. I love it here! I attempted to come out to my parents last year by writing them a letter, but unfortunately they talked to me about it and did indeed convince me for a short while that I was not transgender and that it was just hormones and it was completely normal.
      Honestly, that lasted all of about two weeks and I started to feel the desire for femininity again. In short, my parents do not believe me and it's literally killing me to have to act masculine around them all the time. I really would appreciate it so much if some people could give me some ways of feeling feminine around the house even when my parents are there. Also, some ways of expressing my femininity at school (high school) that will not cause all of my friends to turn on me and start calling me gay and making fun of me. In some ways it has gotten to the point where I feel I must limit myself because of what other people might think of me.
Kayla

Be yourself. Don't be femme. Don't be macho. Be YOU. If that is femme, then screw anyone who can't accept it. I'm pretty femme in a dykey punk sort of way and that's me. Whoever u are is A okay.

Thank you and femme is me It's still gonna be hard to be me at home tho, considering the fact that my parents don't agree with it. I've been caught shaving my legs before and got yelled at and grounded

Kayla, would your parents be OK with you talking to a therapist?  They don't necessarily need to know why at first, and sometimes it's better they hear this with the aid of a professional.  Some parents dismiss everything their kids tell them, as it's "just coming from a kid".  If they are transphobic, they probably need educated ASAP.

If you think they might throw you out or disown you altogether, you may need an alternate plan.  Again, please see if you can speak to professional. 

 They wouldn't throw me out or disown me. As for the therapist, I like the idea but I'm not sure how they would act.

I know it's hard to let it all out.  It's not easy and sometimes there is backlash which is unfair.  However, I have found being true to myself is more comforting than complacency.  There is a false relief involved in avoiding what can happen.  All I can say is that I'm shocked by how much I want to just get it out there and stop hiding when in the past I wanted to hide from everyone.  Sure, I have been going through it very slowly, but I am happy with my progress and the course I am taking.  I can't say how it will work out for you and don't want you to assume our experiences will be the same, but I hope you will find comfort in your transition and peace in being true to yourself.  Good luck with everything!

I remember back a few years ago whining about how my commander was going to make me run. I didn't want to, but that's military life. A friend of mine asked how he was going to make me... Was he going run behind me and push me the whole way? Of course I said no. He said no one can MAKE you do anything. I might choose to do something to avoid certain consequences, but no one is making me.

Your parents can get mad, ground you, yell until they're hoarse, but they can't physically stop you from being you.  Is it better to be grounded with silky smooth legs or ungrounded and dressed like some dude? Only you know the answer. I imagine they're trying to do what they think is best, but they're just fallible people like everyone else. I'm sure they love you a great deal, and if they see you suffering it may, eventually, get through to them just how miserable you are being a boy.

And I don't just agree with Joanna, I agree with Jill too. A therapist would be a great idea. The worst they can do is say no.

 Thank you for your advice

Magdalena
The problem is my parents think I'm fine with my life and suggesting a therapist might not be a good idea for my home life. While I would really love to take positive steps towards transition, I still want them to respect me.

Kayla,

You're miserable right now. It's heartbreaking. 

They love you. Seeking help isn't going to change that. It's not weak to ask for help, it's actually showing strength to admit you can't carry the burden alone. You know more about what's right for you than they ever will. You just need to cowgirl up and stand your ground. If you don't say anything, they'll never know that you're unhappy.

I promise you that it's worth it. I know it's going to be hard to get the words out. You can do it. You are strong, I believe in you.

::hugs::

love,
-maggie

Quote from: kaylagirl0806 on October 29, 2013, 10:46:54 PM
Magdalena
The problem is my parents think I'm fine with my life and suggesting a therapist might not be a good idea for my home life. While I would really love to take positive steps towards transition, I still want them to respect me.

Don't post your age, but I'm assuming you're a minor?  If so, you will have to get your parents permission to speak to a therapists; although, you could try a school counsellor. At least talk to someone if you are worried.  As for your parents, you could always tell them the therapists is for something else like depression or anxiety.  They may see the eobs, so make sure it is properly coded.  However, I am not sure about patient confidentiality for minors.  I'm assuming your parents could learn the details of your sessions if they want to. 

 Thanks again for your support Maggie! However, there are also two more factors that make me kind of concerned. These being my family is christian and I have a girlfriend whose family goes to church four days a week.
Kayla

Quote from: kaylagirl0806 on October 29, 2013, 10:46:54 PM
Magdalena
The problem is my parents think I'm fine with my life and suggesting a therapist might not be a good idea for my home life.

Is it a good idea for YOUR life or THEIRS? Sounds like for theirs dear.

I meant that me trying to do this will mess up everything at home, I will probably get yelled at quite a bit.
This site is the best thing that's ever happened to me

 BTW Maggie, I really love the cowgirl up part

Baby would you rather get yelled at for a while or live in a body you despise while your chance of transitioning successfully goes away? To be miserable for life instead of just a few short years that you live with them?

I really understand where you're coming from and I really want this. I just don't want to ruin my relationship with them

Babygirl,

You can survive being yelled at, it sucks but there are worse things. How much longer can you survive denying the real you? It's okay to do some things to make people happy, but you shouldn't have to suffer just to keep people from being made uncomfortable. Teens are supposed to rebel anyway, it's another step in growing up. It's practically a rule. So, rebel. Smile, laugh, dance, shine. You deserve to be happy. Remember that, you deserve it.

They can deny that you're a girl, that doesn't mean they're right.

Remember, you're the one that convinced me that shaving my legs was a good idea. For the record, it really was. So happy I did it. So you're already leading the way, brave one.

love,
-maggie

I cannot thank you enough for your wonderful support. I do need to ask though. I have a girlfriend and I'm 99% sure she wouldn't support me on this

It comes back to the same point. Is being with her better than being you? I expect it's not, but that's up to you. It's my opinion that it's best to be honest than try to keep living a lie. The lie festers like an infected wound and just eats away at the relationship slowly. By being honest she'll be hurt at first, but she'll get over and go on with her life. You will have spared the two of you months of prolonging a painful thing.

That is, of course, just my opinion, I'm no relationship scientist. (I am a Fungineer, but that's another matter.)

To be clear, "honest" can simply mean telling her you want to break up without telling her that you're actually a girl, too. That's also up to you, you're going to have to decide the best way.

Hope this is a little helpful...

-maggie