Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2013, 09:17:42 AM
Then maybe transition isn't for you if you feel that way, because it's part of the package that most women expect and many MtF's yearn for.

I have struggled all my life to be fully independent and do not have to rely on anybody. Which is in fact why I go the gym, to prevent my strenght levels from dropping too much. I have felt and seen and weak, and... Ok, I'm that weak right now, but I like doing things by myself. I want to be a woman, not to be treated like a god damn flower. As they say in the les support group... "You have a pair of ovaries the size of footballs"

All right, I actually was happy and an inch  aways from crying "Finally I'm treated like a woman", but I still have my testicles, and they can take control of me.

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 30, 2013, 09:36:38 AM
I have struggled all my life to be fully independent and do not have to rely on anybody. Which is in fact why I go the gym, to prevent my strenght levels from dropping too much. I have felt and seen and weak, and... Ok, I'm that weak right now, but I like doing things by myself. I want to be a woman, not to be treated like a god damn flower. As they say in the les support group... "You have a pair of ovaries the size of footballs"

All right, I actually was happy and an inch  aways from crying "Finally I'm treated like a woman", but I still have my testicles, and they can take control of me.

There's nothing wrong with being an independent woman... but this sort of thing will happen a lot (I sure hope so)!

My very, very general thought on it (with zero experience in receiving it) is... if it's a matter of strength (moving big objects, etc) or friendliness (holding open a door, for example) it's positive and chivalrous. If it's a matter of the mind (The IT Crowd, or the auto shop...) it's mysogynistic.

Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2013, 09:17:42 AM
Then maybe transition isn't for you if you feel that way, because it's part of the package that most women expect and many MtF's yearn for.

Huh?  I thought transition was to become who you are, not because you want all the things that come with being a girl...That's pretty harsh to say that maybe transition is not for someone because they don't like something that, although you seem to think every woman wants, millions of feminists would fight against (are you saying that feminists should transition to be men?)

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 30, 2013, 09:36:38 AM


All right, I actually was happy and an inch aways from crying "Finally I'm treated like a woman", but I still have my testicles, and they can take control of me.

I understand what you mean, guess there comes a time when we all get past the masculine control stuff and learn to bask in the occasional rays of the feminine realm as little as they shine on most of us.

Quote from: <3 on October 30, 2013, 10:07:18 AM
Huh?  I thought transition was to become who you are, not because you want all the things that come with being a girl...That's pretty harsh to say that maybe transition is not for someone because they don't like something that, although you seem to think every woman wants, millions of feminists would fight against (are you saying that feminists should transition to be men?)

No, I'm saying that if one doesn't like the benefits then they don't have to go there. Don't over-think my comment I'm not into any confrontational stuff with anyone.

Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2013, 10:14:55 AM
No, I'm saying that if one doesn't like the benefits then they don't have to go there. Don't over-think my comment I'm not into any confrontational stuff with anyone.

I didn't think it was something you meant in that way, but only because I know you a little better than some of the people who might read that post and think otherwise.  Also I don't know how you meant "you don't have to" by saying "maybe its not for you".  Just thinking about how I would take the comment from someone I didn't know.

I can see where you're coming from, Apple Sprout. I know lots of women who just want to be left alone to do their thing. Others enjoy the help and attention from men. I used to get really angry when I was working in the bulk department at the grocery store - it required a lot of heavy lifting and I was more than capable, but quite often a man would come and either ask if I wanted help, or worse, just come grab it from my hands. The worst was when male customers did it. I'm thinking "I got hired in this position for a reason! I'm perfectly able"

I guess in the end I realized that they really did mean well. On the exterior I was a skinny little girl so I didn't look as strong as I was. I'm actually weaker now on T than I was when I was in my top shape as a girl. lol. But yeah. I would just say "that's nice of you, but I've got it."

My sister went to the movies....I wanted her to stay here with me to watch Extreme Cheapskates.  It's not as fun to watch it without her and to not hear her laugh at it.

Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2013, 08:00:05 PM
Went to get an oil change today as a girl for the first time.   I don't drive a lot (in Los Angeles, no less!), so it's been a year.

They tried to upsell me SO much more than they did before, assuming I knew nothing. The fact is that I had that car thoroughly gone through almost 4000 miles ago and is current on scheduled maintenance. I know a good mechanic for Hondas, and I swear by this guy. This doofus tech was basically telling me that my car could seize up any time if he didn't give me an engine and transmission flush right away for $200 more.

Then one tool who worked there gave me a "death stare" several times. Yes, a*hole- I'm trans. Now be a good little boy and top off my fluids before I "accidentally" run over your foot.

So. Not. Going. Back.

I am now shopping for a more chill place to take my car for a quick and dirty oil change. Or walk more.

Hah, my kinda gal, love it!

Still ill. Ugh. Got ethylmorphine from the doctor and I gag every time I take some. It's so disgusting. Can pretty much choose between my lungs hurting real bad or being nauseous. Yay choices.

I still haven't gotten over what happened on Sunday, no matter what the excuse was I couldn't convince my mom that I know what I'm doing even though yeah I've thought this over for well over ten years now...... For well over 2 hours I disproved every excuse of it's because of X that you feel this way and if you do Y then everything will be fixed and I'll just be this macho man all of the sudden. Then on the morning of my therapy session I get a text saying that they will always support me in whatever decision I make, thanks for confusing me even more as now I have no idea how you really feel until I can talk in person on Friday. Even my therapist said I seemed like a different person this week compared to last week and going over everything again that had just happened the day before was tough which made this session very difficult. When you go from being told that you have their support in what ever you do after coming out the week before to I have no idea what I'm doing or am this week but we still support you while giving you nothing but resistance in return from them, then that can kind of deflate the balloon that was flying pretty high It's been a while since I got home and just went to bed without eating dinner but I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I just had to. 

Plus it doesn't help either that my beard is like Homer simpson's in that as soon as I shave I have the instant 5'oclock shadow that is giving me one heck of a case of grief. I don't think other people have noticed it as I haven't had much face to face interactions with others when i'm presenting as myself but I can't stand to see my face in the mirror because that's all I can focus on. I'm at least in the process of setting up my first laser appointment to get started ASAP.

I guess I need to do what they do in those V8 tomato juice commercials and give myself a good kick in the rear to get myself back in gear.

Half my posts today seem to not exist.

I am getting happier again... but the dysphoria just won't stop.

I was asked to help move some tables around - that was the start of the episode... then it got worse. They were rearranging a big conference room for a baby shower. I powered through, but I really had to calm and collect myself after we were done. I know it doesn't make sense for me to be invited (yet ) but the fact that I should be included and that nobody knows it... and the question of whether I would be included afterward... (or how comfortable I'd be being included, for that matter)...

That's the sort of thing that really gets to me and makes me have a hard time just walking down the hall. The worst part was all the "inclusiveness" the table movers had... such a very male vs. female situation I found myself in - and I have a really difficult time with that. I'm also just darned scared it'll be as bad or worse after I transition at work. . . but I have faith that it will be better.

I got misgendered for the first time in 6 months. "Hi Miss!"

Quote from: caleb. on October 30, 2013, 08:47:50 PM
I got misgendered for the first time in 6 months. "Hi Miss!"

I don't know if this will make you feeling any better but for most of my adult life, while I believed I was a cis male, I used to get called Miss and Ma'am a lot and I wasn't trying to be feminine... at all.

Amy

I should not have come so early to therapy, since I risk seeing other patients. Just seen a kid transitioner, and makes me want to kill myself, and the hrt having  tiny effect on me. I feel like a monkey for make-up tests.

I'm suffering from a urinary tract infection at the moment (oh, the joys of still having my original plumbing!) but to add insult to injury, the cystitis remedy I bought from the pharmacy says in big, bold letters 'not to be used by men' and 'this medicine is used to relieve the symptoms of cystitis in women'.

Ugh. Thanks, guys. Not everyone who needs this medicine identifies as a woman, you know. 

Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 31, 2013, 04:28:19 AM
I should not have come so early to therapy, since I risk seeing other patients. Just seen a kid transitioner, and makes me want to kill myself, and the hrt having  tiny effect on me. I feel like a monkey for make-up tests.

I often feel I was born 20 years too early... but I always try to be happy that I can finally be myself!

Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 31, 2013, 05:31:48 AM
Ugh. Thanks, guys. Not everyone who needs this medicine identifies as a woman, you know. 

If it helps, I have the same warning in my avodart boxes...



Well, and another therapy day. I'm tired of always listening to the same words. "You dress very well, you have a good aspect and presentation, you are doing it very well. I will talk with the psychiatrist about the endo. You are going for sure very soon".



By the time I get approved, I could virtually have the GRS letter, at the current rate.

I fear that I cannot find my blue bandana that was made from a ripped bed sheet.  It made me look quite masculine.