I didn't where would the best place to put this, if this is the wrong place or inappropriate I apologize ahead of time.


My five year old daughter has on at least two or three occasions told me that she wants to be a boy. Which I am perfectly fine with and everything, but I'm just at a lost as to how I should approach this. I guess mainly because I keep going back and forth in my head with what ifs, like what if s/he really is telling me the s/he's trans just as much as to what if this is something else. Forgive my use of pronouns right now, I'm just so used to using female pronouns. 
I want her/him to be happy and know that I accept her/him no matter what and I will always love her/him, I just want to be sure how to go about this. I feel so lost and I feel like I shouldn't be at a lost over this because of my own gender identity, you know? 

I'm not a shrink (so caution is strongly advised), but as long as she's not expressing or displaying distress or anxiety about it, I wouldn't do anything. Seems probable she just admires boys, that's a problem you'll need to deal with when she turns 13.

I'm not a parent, but I still have vivid memories of being in the place of that curious child, so I hope the advice I have can be worth something.  I think the best thing to do in a situation like this is to let you child do what they want, and just take it from there.  I know plenty of people who were gender non-conforming as children, but are not transgender.  It's usually best not to force anything in one direction or another.

If this keeps coming up, I'd recommend seeing a therapist if you have the resources; not to treat or cure anything, just so that you can have a professional's advice, and a safe space to openly discuss these issues.  But in my humble opinion, adopting a wait and see approach seems smartest; my parents worried a lot more than I did when I was that age!  Just let them be themselves, and everything else will come in time.

Quote from: WolfSpirit on November 01, 2013, 11:02:38 PM
I didn't where would the best place to put this, if this is the wrong place or inappropriate I apologize ahead of time.


My five year old daughter has on at least two or three occasions told me that she wants to be a boy. Which I am perfectly fine with and everything, but I'm just at a lost as to how I should approach this. I guess mainly because I keep going back and forth in my head with what ifs, like what if s/he really is telling me the s/he's trans just as much as to what if this is something else. Forgive my use of pronouns right now, I'm just so used to using female pronouns. 
I want her/him to be happy and know that I accept her/him no matter what and I will always love her/him, I just want to be sure how to go about this. I feel so lost and I feel like I shouldn't be at a lost over this because of my own gender identity, you know?

As I recall, you are genderqueer FAAB.  So on the basis of that assumption, are you worried that your child might be emulating or imitating you, without knowing or understanding their own gender identity?

I can only speak for myself, but I don't recall that I had much of any gender identity until I was about in puberty.  I certainly was socializes as a male - not that it took!  LOL

Maybe the best thing is to observe, answer questions when asked, and let your daughter develop howsoever it goes.  And listen, I had four, and always worried my issues would affect my kids - they never did.  That's one reason I think gender identity is much more "nature" than "nurture."

5 is very young, and I would be inclined to be veeeeeeery cautious about doing anything to encourage or bias.

I am not overly fond of accepting that people know they were always the other gender at 5 or earlier. People are barely masters of not ->-bleeped-<-ting in their diapers and I don't think advanced thinking is quite as likely at 5 as some want to believe.

I would not give her grief over it, but, I'd also not encourage it. Let it slide, if she still thinks this way at 6 maybe there is something, if she has been of a mind to be a boy at 7 there starts to be a trend. You can offer rather middle of the road clothing and not force her to be all pretty in dresses without making any of her choices.

Be careful to not over think. Kids are precisely who we raise them to be in so many ways. If you are neither for or against, she will find her own path. She's eventually going to find out what being female is REALLY about soon enough. She will sure know then if she wants to be or not be either gender.

Hi Wolf
I am not a parrent but I been babysitting of a now 6 year old biologically boy, who is very clear that she is a girl.
I also dated a guy with a kid who is raised gender neutral, so it kinda out from these things I will answer.
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I had abit of the same thougts. Kids are kids and the whole transgender thing with kids are also a taboo itself specially on the "if we will influence them to become transgender" ("because sure transgender only raise transgender kids like cisgender only raise cisgenders"). When I where a child, transgender kids did not exist in the matter that it was unheard of. I dont think I where fully aware of being trans before I where 12 and found a artical about it, but before I where kinda gender neutral in a way and I did had a few signs with people only readed as being diffrent, naugthy or tomboyish..
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When I first meet the kid which identify as a girl she was around 5, She is very girly, and love everything with dresses and princess and so on. her parrents had contacted the glbt in desperation because there kid where very unhappy as a boy, and they got to arrenge a meeting with focus on trans youngsters and there parrents.
She now live as a girl but the parrent are trying to be as gender neutrual as posible.

They don't expect her to grow up as a girl or a boy, and they dont encourage neither to happent, they pretty much let her live for the moment and see whats makes her happy now and then they take the problems as they come. I think its the best way to go with it.
they dont really try to put up with genderoles and just let them be kids. When I where to her birthday they boys where able to get tattoos with princess as well as the girls, and even when she was dressed as a princess she also dressed as a knight.
I think its best try to not to worry and just let them be kids, also try to be openminded and ask what they think about.
if she say  she want to be a boy simple because her brother gets some more cool toy then she also should get this cool toy insteed of dolls and its the problem lays deeper than that, then we should take it there.

I guess I should also mention both the guy I dated kid, and this 5 year old girl, was put in genderneutral kindergarden. First she was in a normal kindergarden but the adult had very difficult to accept her for being herself. So its important as an adult to find some places where there also gonna be openminded as well, which can be a challenging. Maybe theres trans-youngster groups around your place where you can figure out information and get in contact with others in simular situations. if not theres alwasy the internet you can seach and maybe find someone closeby who want to meet for a talk.

Quote from: WolfSpirit on November 01, 2013, 11:02:38 PM
I didn't where would the best place to put this, if this is the wrong place or inappropriate I apologize ahead of time.


My five year old daughter has on at least two or three occasions told me that she wants to be a boy. Which I am perfectly fine with and everything, but I'm just at a lost as to how I should approach this. I guess mainly because I keep going back and forth in my head with what ifs, like what if s/he really is telling me the s/he's trans just as much as to what if this is something else. Forgive my use of pronouns right now, I'm just so used to using female pronouns. 
I want her/him to be happy and know that I accept her/him no matter what and I will always love her/him, I just want to be sure how to go about this. I feel so lost and I feel like I shouldn't be at a lost over this because of my own gender identity, you know?

I'm not an expert on this in any means.  However, maybe it's best to be open and allow your kid room to experiment without any input from others?  Encourage her to be open and allow her the ability express herself as she wishes- well, as long as it is within in your parental boundaries.  If you give her a forum where she is loved and accepted no matter what, then she will tell you what she feels when the time comes.  For now, let her learn and find herself.  I experimented as a kid and didn't fully understand the extent of my situation until I was 10-11.  Still, I know some people that had trans feelings early on which left them around the age of puberty. So, nothing is definite.  Kids are young and need to find themselves.  Once she does, you will know and can proceed with the proper course.   

Again, all of the above is just the opinion of someone who is not a parent or a therapist.