I can't be the only one entertained by our collective need to find the right word to describe ourselves without offending. Can I?

Call me anything but late for dinner!

The Awesomes?

Quote from: Tori on November 03, 2013, 06:37:09 PM
I can't be the only one entertained by our collective need to find the right word to describe ourselves without offending. Can I?

I'm not really sure I understand what you mean.  The trans community can be sensitive about things, but I'm not really sure labels matter to us that much.  Then again, there are some labels that feel awkward when applied to me.  For example, there is nothing wrong with being a cross dresser, but I don't feel like that is the accurate.  Same thing with people who say I am gay.  I guess it's not offensive when the wrong term is used, it's just annoying when you aren't understood.  Having said all that, there might be a lot of irony to that last sentence since I'm not sure what you're getting at, lol. 

At my brothers stag party (which was 28 years ago now) I made it known I was NOT to be called Lester (I hate that name). I made it clear, NO Lester, I'd rather be called ->-bleeped-<- than Lester

All night it was 'hey ->-bleeped-<-, want another beer?'.

Generally speaking though any term can be offensive to the right person.

Many things that offend many, won't offend me, but, I am still bothered by some things that don't bother many people.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on November 03, 2013, 07:41:06 PM
Generally speaking though any term can be offensive to the right person.

Many things that offend many, won't offend me, but, I am still bothered by some things that don't bother many people.

Exactly right. Also, there are so many labels that people have for others that what we need are less, not more of them.

Our community is way too damn defensive.

When I correct someone for innocently misgendering me or something, I often brush it off by saying, "I know it can be complicated and confusing. You should hear the trans community debate the best words to describe ourselves."

As a "collective" shouldn't we be trying to get away from such things as labels? However, just to get in the spirit of things, since this is in the "Transsexual Talk" forum, how about "Man" for the FTMs and "Woman" for the MTFs and I'll allow people to label me as a "sarcastic bitch" if they have a problem with this. 

Nikki

I find more or less that it is our language that fails more than anything else in this regard. There is no convenient pronoun or descriptive that can be used to indicate a singular transgender individual without referring to us in the format of an object or being overtly and seemingly purposely rude.

For many including myself the reference to such an individual as "it" is often demeaning not because "it" fails to address our gender expression but rather because "it" an object is not "it's" own. A diamond no matter how pretty and strong is still a possession. "It" is in that context that this concept is the most disturbing as historically humans have used the same context in their reference to people that they feel are less than themselves. Slaves, peasants, lower castes, chattel, etc. we have plenty of words now considered taboo to describe this. The remaining vernacular for English is "it". This context makes decisions such as violence against "it" all the more easier to stomach. "It" makes one faceless, one ceases to be a victim if you are an "it". Even animals are not often referred to as "it". They, animals, at least have terms like "the cat" to help define their status. Meanwhile what do we have? We often wish for the her or him as we find appropriate. And at least being misgendered evokes a human response.

So I am not insulted by being known as a transgender. I am insulted by hearing other people referred to as lesser humans or objects by those in a position of ignorance.

Ok, seriously...

I agree with Nikki. Anything less than "man" and "woman" differentiates us from the rest of the world. Since the point for most of us is to blend in, not stand out, it's only natural that most of us don't want to add any other qualifier. Personally, I'm okay with "trans woman" as I am different, that can't be helped. It's what "trans" means that is the root of the problem. To far too much of the world it means we are incomprehensibly bizarre, eccentric or completely insane. The truth, as I see it, is the opposite. We know who we are, that's no small thing. A large portion of the world spend their whole lives trying to figure that out. Our break from convention often has a terrible cost in friends and family, sometimes income and financial security. Plus, of course, there is the considerable physical danger from people who can't or won't understand and decide violence is a better solution than examining their own discomfort. To know that such violence is possible and transition anyway, that's bravery and strength enough for the epic heroes of the ancient world. Which brings me back to my flippant answer above, you're all awesome just for being who you are.

Christine, I couldn't agree more. "It" is dehumanizing. I think using "it" is a way to make whatever cruelty that follows (and it almost always does) okay with the individual using the term. I find it as terrible as any racial or religious epithet used by the bigoted and closed minded. Being misgendered still leaves us human. "It" makes us something less than human and so is never okay.

Anyway, that's what I think...

Im just a woman. I will leave those that wish to call be something else to do whatever they wish. Just hope they are not resentful if I don't stand up and support their cause to be whatever............

Katie

Whilst on the subject of labels, the little pink F or blue M below people's avatar or whatever, since this is an indication of sex, how about having the option of W to signify Woman which I believe to be more appropriate for a gender indicator ? M for male exists so would also signify Man for the FTM brethren. It's a minor thing, but does anyone else think this is useful ? If so how do we go about requesting this ?

Quote from: Magdalena on November 03, 2013, 06:52:25 PM
The Awesomes?

BTW, Magdalena, I'm all for dressing up in a spandex super hero suit with a giant A on the front of it if you are.  Note  to self, speak to Disney Pixar in the morning.....   

Nikki

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 03, 2013, 11:42:17 PM
Our community is way too damn defensive.

Everyone is these days.

I hate walking on verbal eggshells.

And as far as myself is concerned, although I cringe anytime someone calls me "Sir", I figure that the day someone calls me Ma'am will be an indicator of my progress.

My friends slip once in a while and call me a "he" out of old habit, and then act as if they had suddenly shat themselves....I assure them that it's no big deal right now, since I still look rather masculine.

When I LOOK like a woman, people will refer to me as "she" reflexively. I accept that.