A few things that have been said in this thread ring true.
If someone treats you poorly because you are trans, that speaks volumes about them. It does not however, mean they are a bad person. They simply may not know the pronoun rules. I remember when I first joined this community, I accidentally stepped on a bunch of verbal land mines, and I am trans.
Also, if you are convinced in who you are, people tend to buy it. If you are not convinced, people can tell. This goes for being cis, trans or stealth. This is such a simple concept and yet complicated to explain without using an analogy or two. Here goes...
Suspension of disbelief: When you watch television or a movie, you know it is not real, but you tell yourself that you are going to put that aside and go along for the ride. The more convincing your entertainment is, the easier it is to keep your disbelief suspended. Often enough bad writing or acting gets in the way and takes the audience out, it can ruin the experience. Sometimes, the experience is so compelling, you can overlook the flaws. It took me many years to realize the bit players in the Star Wars Trilogy for the most part, really sucked. When I first saw the films, the experience suspended my disbelief, later I was more able to see the faults.
Suspension of disbelief works the opposite way, as have been described earlier in this thread. You can choose to be the Mamma Bear or the Predator. If you convince yourself, others will follow with a remarkable success rate. Again, this works for cis, trans, stealth and anything in between.
A timid person is far more likely to be victimized. This is a sad fact of animal nature. The sick and the weak get eaten.
When I moved to NYC, for the first week, I couldn't walk a block without someone asking me for change or telling me a sob story so I would pay their bus fare back to Long Island... etc. I was a magnet. I asked myself what I was doing wrong. Well, for starters I was dressed nice but not too nice, and I was gawking at every landmark I stumbled across. My behavior screamed gullible tourist. I started dressing down and walking with a purpose, using my periphery to observe the world around me. Within a month, I could go anywhere with 95% fewer interruptions, and when I was interrupted it was often people trying to sell me weed or other drugs, which was annoying but a sign I was fitting in. People saw me as a New Yorker because I presented them with a convincing New Yorker.
So, when I said earlier in my post, how people react to you says a lot about them, it can also say something about you. A trans woman built like a trucker will get better treatment than a cis woman overdressed like a child's Barbie doll, if they own their presentation and make no apologies. Humans are natural followers. We are very much pack animals. If you wish to be treated a certain way, you really have to lead people into treating you that way. People, even the phobic, will fall in line without noticing. Leadership is neither a masculine nor feminine trait. Every strong man had a mother. You can lead by being feminine. You can lead by being trans.
Of course, what I am saying is not fool proof. Misgendering can happen to anyone. Poor treatment can too. Trans people are particularly vulnerable because they are prone to convincing themselves that people will see them as lesser, and that is a self fulfilling prophesy.
Fashion is a touchy subject but I am going to address it. Dress carefully ladies, especially at first, if you have self image issues... and who doesn't? Use your comfort level as a barometer. Something that feels fantastic to wear in private or amongst friends, may actually leave you feeling extra vulnerable in public. Take the hint. If you feel more vulnerable you are more vulnerable. Use clothing like a bulletproof vest. Let it enhance your strengths. Take baby steps. If you go off the deep end at first and it makes you feel vulnerable, you may begin to get used to feeling vulnerable, it will become your new comfort zone. Between the weakened muscles and the improved emotional range, MTFs are already nicely vulnerable in a way most of us prefer. Dressing in a way that enhances that vulnerability further can be dangerous for newbies, especially when alone. Notice cis women. Some cis women can wear the most daring thing and it strengthens them... others are clearly uncomfortable. It isn't just what you wear it is how you wear it. Do you own it? Does it make you feel more like yourself in public?
Really, especially for the newbies, be on the lookout for ensembles, make up, styles that make you feel invincible. We all just want people to treat us like who we are, but our behavior and display provide cues to others as to how we will accept being treated. It takes practice to learn how to take advantage of the good aspects of feminine vulnerability while also using it as a superpower.
I may be new to transition but this is something I know a great deal about.
I didn't mean to rant for so long. I mean no offense to anyone who may have differing opinions. Your opinions are at least as valid as mine.
