deleted, no sense in risking someone to be triggered...

Big hug! You have value, Beth. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met. Lighten up on yourself, please?  Hugs, Devlyn

I second what Devlyn said. You're a wonderful person and I've always enjoyed your posts here. I'm sorry that you feel the way that you do.

*BIG HUGS*

Amy

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 08, 2013, 08:16:51 PM
Big hug! You have value, Beth. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met. Lighten up on yourself, please?  Hugs, Devlyn

Oh yes, online I'm wonderful.

Occasionally I even get to meet people who know me online. That's when we stop talking.

Tell me, what value do I have? I am too quiet, too anxious...can't even get out of my own damn apartment (I've been home since 330, it's 630pm right now, 3 hours, I'm hungry but can't go out shopping or to eat...I...damn this sucks. Depressive episode, type 1)

*sigh*

eta: Thanks for the hugs, btw. Not quite the same effect as a touch IRL, but we get what we get, eh?

Sounds more like it was your turn to rant. Everyone needs an outlet and obviously this space is here for you.

You are not worthless, nor are you doomed to spend your life out of human reach of love and hugs without having to be used for sex. It may mean a bit of wait but it will happen sooner or later. The person who will be a true fiend will be that person who you didn't even notice but they noticed you. That person will like many of your likes and life will be good. Just not yet.

The friends you have here are real even though they are out of reach. Cling to that and use your time away from here to do a hobby without thinking( I know, hard to do) about people so much. Learn to like who you are as you get more into discovering who that is.

Meanwhile, this is for you.

&

Beth, you're counting negatives and that's always a mistake.  We count what we do have. Cherish the good in your life and use it like a ladder. Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 08, 2013, 08:35:42 PM
Beth, you're counting negatives and that's always a mistake.  We count what we do have. Cherish the good in your life and use it like a ladder. Hugs, Devlyn

oh hell yeah, a mistake. That's what I do very well. 

I haven't got the skill yet to count a positve; one has to realize it is a positive.

Oh screw it, I need to tlak to my the*apist about this.

Please Devlyn, give me some generic good things and I'll see about being positive. (I really and honestly do not know how to see positives)

Oh, let me try first:

I'm working. Full time employment.

I have a place to live.

I have decent clothes.

I'm "out" and F***ING PROUD OF IT, DAMMIT!

My car and I get a LOT of "thumbs up" when people see it...

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 08, 2013, 08:39:59 PM
oh hell yeah, a mistake. That's what I do very well. 

I haven't got the skill yet to count a positve; one has to realize it is a positive.

Oh screw it, I need to tlak to my the*apist about this.

Please Devlyn, give me some generic good things and I'll see about being positive. (I really and honestly do not know how to see positives)

Oh, let me try first:

I'm working. Full time employment.

I have a place to live.

I have decent clothes.

You're not counting!

4. Charming smile.

5. Huge circle of friends, whether you care to admit it or not.

6. The best car ever!

Your turn. Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah, ya'all are good friends. Thanks. 

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 08, 2013, 08:42:45 PM
I'm "out" and F***ING PROUD OF IT, DAMMIT!

My car and I get a LOT of "thumbs up" when people see it...

I have a few.  You stand up for what you believe in, that's a positive.  You usually seem to hold up a goo attitude, that's a positive. 
You have an amazing heart, but you let your mind get in the way too much.

Just need to stay outta there, if you're any bit like me that's a terrible place to be!

Mad modeling and kitbashing skills!

Quote from: Lexi Belle on November 08, 2013, 08:50:31 PM
I have a few.  You stand up for what you believe in, that's a positive.  You usually seem to hold up a goo attitude, that's a positive. 
You have an amazing heart, but you let your mind get in the way too much.

Just need to stay outta there, if you're any bit like me that's a terrible place to be!

Oh yeah, my mind is a freaky place...actually it's several freaky places, and a couple of second-hand stores too, I think.

The difficulty is that I am healing from my past, and sometimes it gets in the way of the present...or the present gets in the way of healing...occasionally the waitress dumps the whole tray, scattering salt shakers and little packages of jam everywhere...

Most of the time I get off the computer and spare everyone the experience...but yeah this time...it's great to see everyone.

Quote from: JRae on November 08, 2013, 08:54:49 PM
You funny, you so frigging funny sometimes, me go HA HA!

I do wonder about my jokes and/or sense of humor...but I write things that make me laugh...

I like Monty Python, well most of it anyway.

CAMELOT!!! *banging two coconuts together*clippity clop clippity clop clippity clop*

ok, break time. [ Christmas Vacation]Gonna get something to eat, so I can take my back pills...[ /Christmas Vacation]

Sorry to hear you were feeling down but glad you're up a bit now. Didn't see the original post but got the gist of things and I have to agree with the others, you've got a great heart and it's always helpful to see the positives in your life and use them to balance out the blues.

Quote from: LordKAT on November 08, 2013, 08:26:57 PM
Meanwhile, this is for you.

So cute!

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 08, 2013, 10:03:19 PM
Sorry to hear you were feeling down but glad you're up a bit now. Didn't see the original post but got the gist of things and I have to agree with the others, you've got a great heart and it's always helpful to see the positives in your life and use them to balance out the blues.
So cute!

I'm just not used to seeing the positives. Looking for them, and then convincing myself that those ARE good things, helped stall the power-dive I was in...then of course the pic of chocolate, flowers, horsies, and suchlike.

This whole thing was brought on by an especially vivid flashback to my youth, involving activities that no youth of that age should experience...I was at work when this flashback happened, and it took everything I could to stuff the memory back in its little shoebox.

Unfortunately it came out immediately once I got home...so I basically shut down (which I do normally anyway, but this time it was to endure a memory. But Susan's people came to the rescue).

I still haven't left my apartment yet to get anything to eat. 5 hours since getting home, and haven't even dressed yet.

Beth, if you were in a good mood all the time, you'd be annoying

So we thank you for taking one for the team here and having a crappy day

Look on the bright side, it will be someone else's turn tomorrow.

Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on November 08, 2013, 10:50:10 PM
Beth, if you were in a good mood all the time, you'd be annoying

So we thank you for taking one for the team here and having a crappy day

Look on the bright side, it will be someone else's turn tomorrow.

That's a bright side?

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 08, 2013, 08:26:21 PM
Oh yes, online I'm wonderful.

Occasionally I even get to meet people who know me online. That's when we stop talking.

Tell me, what value do I have? I am too quiet, too anxious...can't even get out of my own damn apartment (I've been home since 330, it's 630pm right now, 3 hours, I'm hungry but can't go out shopping or to eat...I...damn this sucks. Depressive episode, type 1)

*sigh*
eta: Thanks for the hugs, btw. Not quite the same effect as a touch IRL, but we get what we get, eh?

I pretty much know your felling. I suffer from depression and anxiouty and I had OCD in my past. I am pretty good to hide it in school so I think my classmates wont belive me, but alone its something ells and somethimes I stuggle just to get outside somethimes.
My reasons are obvious I experience what I shouldnt, death threatning, and ridiculours hate speaks or false rumours.

I think the only reason why im able to get outside is because I make clear for myself that fear should not take over my life So I had really forced myself to move my comfortzone but its only obvious if we experience harshness it gonna be there in the back of our head somewhere.

I think the only thing you can do is try to move forward. as it said, when you reach the bottom you can only get up.
you may not get better in 2 hours or tomorrow or you problems may not be gone in a week, but baby steps is nessesarry.

Do you have some people you trust? maybe you could move your comfortzone by going out with them on a cafe or something. I did that with my Mtf friend when she where to go fulltime. I think it made it more easy to go out when she wasnt alone.