On the 13th, I had my legal name change, the Judge was really nice. Had no issues and wished me luck.  Went to the social security office, they even took a letter from my doctor and changed my gender marker.  So my drivers lisence now says Teela and my new last name also, and has a big F on it *still trying now to burst into bubbles*   

The bad news, for the last 16 months I thought my mother was one of my biggest supporters. Took me cloths shopping, helped me get everything I needed to relocate and live my life as Teela.  I called her to let her know on paper Im considered female now and my name change went through. and she replies. "so your calling to tell me my son is offically dead? I cant say im as happy as you are." and hung up on me.    I havnt cried that hard in along time. Im trying to see things from her angle, but why pretend to support me? did she think it was a phase id grow tired of at some point? It was such a low blow it almost ruined my day.

Sometimes the person thinks "As long as my son/daughter doesn't do _____, I still have him/her..."

That final straw might be the surgery, might be the name change, might be the gender marker change...whatever it is, it's seen as "OMG, s/he's really doing it!" and the reality of one's transition hits home, hard.

For my ex, it was my starting HRT..."We're through!" and that was that.

Give her time, she'll come around.

And congrats on everything else!!

Welcome to the emotional ride that is womanhood. Your mom is on it too.

Realize, as supportive as she has been, discovering the boy she named and raised is now legally a female is going to be tough for her to rationalize in an instant. Give her time. We all react to big news in our own way.

It must hurt to hear what she said, and I respect that. I do think she was having a quick emotional outburst.

When I came home from my first HRT shot, my wife said, "This better fix everything!" Not what I needed to hear at the time, but neither her nor I knew I would be coming home full of girl juice, I expected test results and a consultation. Not that day. I got a shot of E and a perscription for Spiro.

We are all imperfect. We are all human. We all get to react to things in our own way.

Quote from: Teela Renee on November 17, 2013, 02:41:15 AM
On the 13th, I had my legal name change, the Judge was really nice. Had no issues and wished me luck.  Went to the social security office, they even took a letter from my doctor and changed my gender marker.  So my drivers lisence now says Teela and my new last name also, and has a big F on it *still trying now to burst into bubbles*   

The bad news, for the last 16 months I thought my mother was one of my biggest supporters. Took me cloths shopping, helped me get everything I needed to relocate and live my life as Teela.  I called her to let her know on paper Im considered female now and my name change went through. and she replies. "so your calling to tell me my son is offically dead? I cant say im as happy as you are." and hung up on me.    I havnt cried that hard in along time. Im trying to see things from her angle, but why pretend to support me? did she think it was a phase id grow tired of at some point? It was such a low blow it almost ruined my day.

Hey, Teela Renee

I hope to not have to deal with same situation, and sorry about not being able to help you or comfort you somehow, but I see you
have acceptance from your mother, maybe she still feels something, but give her time, you're in a better situation compared to mine.

I wish I could go shop clothes with my mother, hope to see that one day, by the way, I wish you to good lucky, you look stunning babe.

kisses ^^

Quote from: Tori on November 17, 2013, 02:54:54 AM
Welcome to the emotional ride that is womanhood. Your mom is on it too.

Realize, as supportive as she has been, discovering the boy she named and raised is now legally a female is going to be tough for her to rationalize in an instant. Give her time. We all react to big news in our own way.

It must hurt to hear what she said, and I respect that. I do think she was having a quick emotional outburst.

When I came home from my first HRT shot, my wife said, "This better fix everything!" Not what I needed to hear at the time, but neither her nor I knew I would be coming home full of girl juice, I expected test results and a consultation. Not that day. I got a shot of E and a perscription for Spiro.

We are all imperfect. We are all human. We all get to react to things in our own way.

agree, where do I sign? rofl

HUG!
That was a very unfortunate let down to an otherwise empowering experience. Seems your mother is either a bit confused or she was sending mixed signals all along. Hopefully, once she realises she's gained a daughter she'll see it your way. 

Hugs, your Mom was in shock and will come around.

Congratulations on the name change.

Can you frame this event in another way, Teela?

Your mother wasn't being insulting or unsupportive. She was just expressing her feelings. Of course I'd want the people who love me unconditionally to be happy for me during all my milestones, but people aren't machines, and aren't always going to be happy when I want them too.

She gave you your birthname. You undid that. We all know why you had to do it, but the fact is that your mother probably put a lot of thought into naming you, so this is something that will take some getting over.

I wouldn't say this if your mother were putting obstacles in your way from the start. But given that she has been there for you, I wonder if this is one of those times to give some slack.

I can hear how much it hurts, and I would be disappointed too. Sometimes it helps me to see things from the other side. If not, feel free to ignore me.

Hugs.

Quote from: Teela Renee on November 17, 2013, 02:41:15 AM
On the 13th, I had my legal name change, the Judge was really nice. Had no issues and wished me luck.  Went to the social security office, they even took a letter from my doctor and changed my gender marker.  So my drivers lisence now says Teela and my new last name also, and has a big F on it *still trying now to burst into bubbles*   

The bad news, for the last 16 months I thought my mother was one of my biggest supporters. Took me cloths shopping, helped me get everything I needed to relocate and live my life as Teela.  I called her to let her know on paper Im considered female now and my name change went through. and she replies. "so your calling to tell me my son is offically dead? I cant say im as happy as you are." and hung up on me.    I havnt cried that hard in along time. Im trying to see things from her angle, but why pretend to support me? did she think it was a phase id grow tired of at some point? It was such a low blow it almost ruined my day.

OMG, this is like my worst fear to have my mother do this. I utterly believe that she won't. However, we really are the same soul inside, but others don't se it that way. To them, thy have to see someone who they once knew fade away, and try their best to welcome the new you. Family and Friends don't see it like we do, and just as we transition, they have to transition as well and sometimes this takes time. Give her some time, and hopefully she will come around.

Quote from: Teela Renee on November 17, 2013, 02:41:15 AM
On the 13th, I had my legal name change, the Judge was really nice. Had no issues and wished me luck.  Went to the social security office, they even took a letter from my doctor and changed my gender marker.  So my drivers lisence now says Teela and my new last name also, and has a big F on it *still trying now to burst into bubbles*   

The bad news, for the last 16 months I thought my mother was one of my biggest supporters. Took me cloths shopping, helped me get everything I needed to relocate and live my life as Teela.  I called her to let her know on paper Im considered female now and my name change went through. and she replies. "so your calling to tell me my son is offically dead? I cant say im as happy as you are." and hung up on me.    I havnt cried that hard in along time. Im trying to see things from her angle, but why pretend to support me? did she think it was a phase id grow tired of at some point? It was such a low blow it almost ruined my day.

First BIG hugs hun. I completely understand how you feel. My mom has been "supportive" but completely resistant to everything that I've been doing lately. I have a feeling that eventually once I've made it as far as you have in your transition I will have the same outcome where even though she supports my decision she will not tolerate me going the distance. Who knows I could be wrong and everything will turn out fine as she has txt'd me that she doesn't care who I am as long as i'm still in their life then everything will be fine. We'll see in good time.

I want to say that right now she is in shock and will have something new to deal with that she will come to terms with the new step in life you've made.

So lets end things on a happy note! Congratulations on legally changing your name and gender 

Teela im so sorry. i hope that was just a brain fart moment for your mom and she comes around and calls you back.

My supportive mom did the same thing and I got upset but then I realized it had NOTHING to do w me. It was all her and she has a right to her feelings. I'm not the mother of a trans girl, I don't know what that's like. I told her how I felt and she came around very quickly. Still my biggest supporter today.

I went through a similar situation with my mom. The name change thing really hit home for her, especially because I had to surrender all copies of my birth certificate to do it. Everything else had been a gradual process, but this was quick and very tangible.

One thing I've suggested to her is a form of memorial for her and my grandparents as a way for them to mourn this loss.

If you're interested, I did have a thread over here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150034.msg1244102.html

First, congratulations on the name change.

I do hope you and your mom can begin to talk again soon.  She supported you before you moved away, and probably hoped to  handle the call you finally made.  Unfortunately she wasn't ready for the news, and was most likely crying just as deeply as you were.  She may have had to hang up because she was already breaking down.

It'd be great if you could soon begin talking again, but as mother and daughter.  Only time will tell. 

Hugs.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 17, 2013, 02:52:02 AM

That final straw might be the surgery, might be the name change, might be the gender marker change...whatever it is, it's seen as "OMG, s/he's really doing it!" and the reality of one's transition hits home, hard.

What I ran into was the "op". I had no idea of how much it scares the bejesus out of the non-trans world. I think that a lot of people held onto some grim theory that I would change my mind at the last second and go back to "guy mode" and forget the whole thing. I had my fair share of people, trans and non-trans, who tried to talk me out of SRS. It's pretty funny looking back now. The trans-women who were afraid of SRS are living lives that I would never in a million years would live or they finally woke up and transitioned and are now making their own way in the world. It's a strange world sometime.

This really sucks. :/ So far things are fine with my parents, and I'm trying to get over the 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' feeling that has been lurking over my head. But now I wonder if maybe my parents' acceptance is just as fragile, and maybe that worry is justified. I think a reaffirming talk is in order! Also, strangely, this thread has made me want SRS even more. :\

Anyway, grats on the name/gender marker change! Not every place will change the gender identifier without SRS (assuming you haven't had it), so that's even more reason to celebrate! I'm moving to Seattle next year, and so excited that they allow it too.

And most likely your mom will come around, just give it some time. *hugs*

Best guess:  She loves you and she supports you.  However, this is still hard on her.  Her son, her dreams are gone and it's hard to replace them.  I go though something similar every week or so with my wife.  I try to be understanding for her.  But every now and then, it is a punch in the gut..

Hugs,

Jen

Thanks for all the comments and perspectives. We did have a conversation later in the week, that went even worse. It was civil, but ended with me saying no. I'll spend the holidays with the family I created.        She asked me to come to thanksgiving and christmas as Thor, Not Teela,  male cloths, no make up, no doing my hair nice, no female voice (I dont even know how to do my male voice anymore unless im pissed and it comes naturally)      cause they didnt want to explain the 'drama' (her words) to my grandmother and my aunt and uncle.                        my reply, "I know it sucks, I respect your still swallowing all of this, but im Teela now, I buried thor a few days ago, and id like that crave to grow over with ivy and never be visited. Sooner or later grandmother will find out, also she has alzheimers, your gonna have more drama on your hands when you gotta explain to her you had a daughter she never got to meet. But thats on you. As far as uncle boyt. He knows, I told him last christmas I was on HRT. He just kept that fact I told him secret from you outta respect. But again its on you. Your still my mother, I love you, and you have made sure that id grow up and be a good person.   But not being able to be the person I experienced so much emotional and physical trama to be, I will be spending christmas with my family I created, my GF, her father, her daughter, and other close friends I consider family.  Family is where home is, and sorry you arnt creating a place that feels like home, again I love you" and hung up.

I think you call it tough love

Quote from: Teela Renee on November 18, 2013, 05:46:14 PM
.....  Family is where home is, and sorry you arnt creating a place that feels like home, again I love you" and hung up.

You said what was necessary.  So have a happy Thanksgiving.  Hugs.