I hate being cynical but when you've been burned so many times, and have seen others burned so many times, how can you not be? So much of life is such a disappointment due to rampant deception that I feel like I have to be cynical as a survival strategy, but It makes me feel so unhappy.
I guess I'm naturally a more passive, innocent person that wants to think of the good in people, but the way that people are, especially in the U.S. (but certainly not excluding people in other countries), it is sooo disappointing. When you see just how viciously greedy and selfish that so many people are that they just don't care about hurting others to get their way, it's soo disappointing. It's so disappointing how deception has become so acceptable in this country that scammers like Titlemax (a loan shark company with many locations) can set up shop across the street and it's no big deal at all. Corporations include deception as a part of their marketing and sales strategy. Politicians are such freakin and calculated liars. The amount of unethical and immoral things that people in business and politics are doing these days, despite how cynical I am, never ceases to amaze me. Even common people on the street are such good actors that it's so easy to be left holding the bag if you even trust people a little in doing anything more significant than something little. Look at all the liars that even post reviews on the internet in the reviews section because they were paid by someone to do it. And how much of the population in the U.S. are racists (as show on the show "what would you do") and judgemental ->-bleeped-<-s that look down on the poor, and thus believe in social darwinism, and if your homeless, you'd be lucky to escape the black hole of misery that would otherwise destroy your life (as talked about by people who had been homeless) because society doesn't give a damn ->-bleeped-<- about the homeless and poor. The snobbery of society, which looks up and would kiss the feet of the rich and successful, while wishing the disadvantaged and anyone else that has the short end of the stick in life would just die, is astonishingly unhuman and loathsome and a national disgrace. About 80% of Americans in one study have dealt with unemployment, poverty, and even homelessness at some point in their life, so this is not something that only some people have to deal with. In addition, I born with the short end of the stick in life, being unwanted by my peers in school, not being masculine enough to have friends in school, not enjoying having many friends, being bi-racial that I couldn't fit in with any one group of people, and later on dealing with gender dysphoria and being bi-sexual (and being afraid of being feminine in public), and having to deal with OCD, anxiety, ADD, and other issues. How would I not feel offended with much of society thinking that someone like me is not worthy of being helped? And oh, the super talented, the super intelligent, the super spirited, and the super good looking, are all so worthy of being helped! If you don't born like that, good luck, your on your own! And heck, so many Americans voted for Mitt Romney, despite saying that 47% of Americans are lazy and entitled and getting welfare. That so many Americans would vote for an ->-bleeped-<- as long as he advances their own financial interest (of lower taxes and less government regulation) is so cynical inducing, among other things. Unless there's a major natural disaster, people just don't care about each other in America. The only thing that unites Americans is the pursuit of money and prosperity.
Another thing is being sooo disappointed at so many products, that turn out to be recklessly defective due to poor quality control, or are just plain liars. Even highly rated things can turn out to be disappointments. It's as if companies give less of a damn of making a quality product unless you pay a ton of money for something (and then those others rip you off by charging an exorbitant amount for something that costed a mere fraction to produce.) And its SOOO hard to find a trustable mechanic or anyone else that provides services, and have been burned several times even on people that were highly rated. I can't find a dentist I can trust, a doctor I can trust, especially when so many of them take advantage of their position to get people to do unnecessary procedures or push pills, because money is their motivator. It's so frustrating because it seems like ethics is something that people must be taught and that there needs to be an incentive for people to be ethical, otherwise they just wouldn't care about ethics, seemingly because they don't have it naturally, and society is failing in getting people to be ethical. Corruption is more and more a part of everyday society.
Life just feels so miserable at times because I feel like everything's a whole scam, from the people that smile at you just because they have to, to the messages that society sends you, to the institutions of society itself. The only thing that seems to count is advancing one's own self interests. There are good people but they are hard to find with so many people pretending to be good or decent when they are not.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just in the wrong country. While many third world countries are as or more corrupt than the U.S., I somehow feel like other countries in the western world have views that are more in alignment with mine, including a sense of ethics and caring for others. America is descending into third world levels of corruption and inequality that it's becoming the fulfillment of the dystopia that is seen in fiction.
And oh, it also doesn't help that I born into a sex that looks down femininity and still regards girls/women secretly as second class (through denigrating sayings like "you throw like a girl" or "your such a pussy") and is so reckless and selfish and unfeeling (except for aggression and anger of course) and has for so long, so thoroughly disrespected the gender that brought them into existence (or made piecemeal attempts to pay respects like through mythology while mistreating them in daily life.)? Yes, I know that there are good guys out there, but the alpha males are the ones that control the male culture and gender expectations, and the male gender is sooo oppressive to people who born in the male sex that aren't masculine in nature. I wish I was only feminine and girly so I would have totally rejected being male since I was very little. Yes life would've been even harder since I was little, but it probably would have been a lot better as I grew up.
Lately, I've been wishing I could accept society the way it is, but it's too hard and would make me extremely depressed. It feels like life is a whole farce, a scam, even a living nightmare. Your experience in life is largely based on who you are, whether you are good looking or not, charming or not, exceptionally talented or not, have exceptional social skills or not, exceptionally intelligent or clever or not, easily able to conform to society's expectations or not, and even the dominant race or not (unless one is able to win over people of the dominant race.) If one doesn't have any of this, one's experience in life is likely to not be good. Even if one can compensate or even acquire one of these things, still it feels like society treats you well only conditionally. They will only help you because you are admirable. It feels like society is full of hypocrites and phonies. And if you don't have any of these, especially if you are seen as male, you are essentially worthless to society.
I hate to be cynical but I feel like I have to, at the very least, just to survive, but I guess I just know too much about society to ever go back to being ignorant. I guess ignorance is bliss, especially to the socially privileged.
