I know its what i want to be. I'm not saying fml because i dont want it. I'm saying fml because i cant do it anytime soon. I just want to be ME. the true me. the real me. not this fake lump of unhappiness sucking up the worlds resources. If im going to suck up the worlds resources i might as well be the right damn gender. But nooooooo i have to be the wrong one. nobody else i know has this problem. No other kids that i know cry themselves to sleep because they just got out of the shower and they looked down and started balling. I look at every girl at school and hate them. i hate them because theyre a girl. and no matter which way i look at it ill never be a REAL girl. ill be fake. i wont have a vagina. i wont have a man, that looks at me and just instantly knows im a girl. I'll have to explain to every man i ever have a relationship with, hey sorry you cant bang me in the regular place. youll have to get a REAL girl to do that. Oh and hey those tits of mine you like to touch, uh yeah theyre fake. as fake as our relationship. I cant do drusgs to numb the pain anymore. because im a addict. and that means if i take one drink ill be back out doing drugs. And you know what to top off this wonderful sundae of BS my mom said if i ever did 'change my gender" shed fond that "wierd" and "i wouldnt be able to take it"


plus school is just another load of bollocks i have to deal with. all i have is my gaming videos from the yogscast. the only thing that makes me smile is some blokes from the UK. The sad thing is that i think at least theyre happy. at least they dont mind theyre english penis. at least they dont get out of the shower and have a wierd mix of gender dysphoria and cravings for some pain pills and a bottle of jack daniels.

sorry for the rant. i think every new member gets a first time rant. this is my first time rant. i love you all. but have no love for myself. bit of a double edged sword that. having love for everyone in the world but yourself. kinda funny in a satirical way.

I think we could all work on loving ourselves a little bit more. And trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Your pain is my pain and you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. I try and not dwell on the negative stuff....it's not worth it to me. Positivity is a must, but of course it's one of those "easier said than done" things. It will get better, I promise

Thank you

1) You can have SRS surgery so, yes they can "bang you in the regular place" if that's what you want.
2) Hormones do make you grow real breasts so, yea no need to worry about that either.
3) If you do have that kind of convo with someone you are in a relationship with and you still have the relationship then it seems to me that that relationship would most definitely be real. Lots of people here have an SO. Whether from before or after their transition.

The only real issue there is your mum and it may just be that if she has to she will manage to "take it".

You wanna check out these forums some more and find some of the epic transformations that have happened. Some of them are crazy hard to believe how beautiful these girls end up from even the least feminine of starts.

Quote from: Henrietta48 on November 17, 2013, 10:59:00 PM
...
i hate them because theyre a girl. and no matter which way i look at it ill never be a REAL girl. ill be fake. i wont have a vagina. i wont have a man, that looks at me and just instantly knows im a girl. I'll have to explain to every man i ever have a relationship with, hey sorry you cant bang me in the regular place. youll have to get a REAL girl to do that. Oh and hey those tits of mine you like to touch, uh yeah theyre fake. as fake as our relationship.

Hang around here a while... I used to feel the same way, that in the end I would be a fake, or a half-woman at best.  It took a lot of time to realize this (and therapy can help), but I *AM* a woman, dammit.  And you are too.  We aren't on some journey to fake what we are not, we're just correcting a birth and hormonal defect.  Breasts can come with HRT, and if you are young enough, no one will ever be able to tell by looking at your face you weren't born with the right equipment.

*hug*

We transition because we *are* women... The "F" on my gender marker on my profile is no accident.  The first part of truly accepting myself came with the realization that I *am* a woman, and thanks to medical science I can help correct the parts of me that make the world see otherwise.

And even if hormones (which feminize faces, change body build, and yes, help grow real breasts) wouldn't work for me, I still have the right that any other woman has, to be seen for herself.  And so do you.

Finally, as other posters have said, medical science has gotten to the point where your body can be completely indistinguishable from a biological woman.  This is the best time yet in history for a trans person to make the transition!

Quote from: Henrietta48 on November 17, 2013, 10:59:00 PM
I cant do drusgs to numb the pain anymore. because im a addict. and that means if i take one drink ill be back out doing drugs. And you know what to top off this wonderful sundae of BS my mom said if i ever did 'change my gender" shed fond that "wierd" and "i wouldnt be able to take it"

There are so many of our sisters here who have been down the road that you were on.  Congratulations on knowing yourself and learning to avoid going back to addiction.  *hug*  THAT takes a lot of strength and courage, and you'll need that as you begin your transition.

Parents do have a hard time, no lie... but most would rather have a living daughter than an emotionally or physically dead son.  From the strength of the words in your post, I would say that you definitely need to tackle this issue, sooner rather than later.  You can start by talking to your doctor or a counselor.  Ideally you need to find a gender therapist, someone who has helped others transition in the past.  They can help you deal with your mother.  Just remember; this is *your* body and *your* life.  It may seem hurtful, but your happiness is every bit as important as your mother's.

Quote from: Henrietta48 on November 17, 2013, 10:59:00 PM
plus school is just another load of bollocks i have to deal with. all i have is my gaming videos from the yogscast. the only thing that makes me smile is some blokes from the UK. The sad thing is that i think at least theyre happy. at least they dont mind theyre english penis. at least they dont get out of the shower and have a wierd mix of gender dysphoria and cravings for some pain pills and a bottle of jack daniels.

CIS people (people born with the proper genitals) will never truly know what trans people go through... but a surprising number of them are supportive, at least these days.  The biggest obstacles to transition, I have found, were the fears I had.  So far I have only been rejected by a couple of people to my face.  The vast majority were accepting of me, and wanted me to be happy.  This included my ultra-conservative evangelical Christian mother.

*hug*

You seem to be young; I think that if you are able to begin to transition now in a couple of years you will be amazed at the young woman you have become.

Quote from: Henrietta48 on November 17, 2013, 10:59:00 PM
sorry for the rant. i think every new member gets a first time rant. this is my first time rant. i love you all. but have no love for myself. bit of a double edged sword that. having love for everyone in the world but yourself. kinda funny in a satirical way.

That is a supreme irony, and another common thread.  Many of us have grown up thinking we were wrong, somehow monstrous, and that we don't deserve happiness, because even we cannot accept ourselves.  Once we accept our status, once we realize the girl/woman within for who she is, then we can truly begin to love ourselves and make steps toward proper relationships and a happy life.

*hug*

I wish you all the best.  Please, PLEASE talk to a gender therapist about this... I think you will be amazed at what that can do for you.

Thank you everyone ive done a lot of research and have made an appointment for a therapist. i feel better. a lot of the things i want is actually possible with modern technological wonderfulness. Thank you scientists