...and my BF is one. Or ex BF. I haven't been as active as I once was these last couple months because I did what I said I would do and moved in with my man. It's not that it was a bad idea it's that things went wrong that we could not control. For one, I lost my job that I just got. Performance issues. Yeah that's what my ex-girfriends said when they dumped me. You can't perform. Well, no kidding I like men. Duh. But really she fired me because of how I look. She said it wasn't personal. BS. So that sucked. And also the place we moved into was forclosed. The landlord ripped as off and though we got the full rent we paid and free furniture and a fridge, it was really inconvenient.

Plus, he relapsed on drugs. That's where he is now...in detox. He lost the used of his left arm eight years ago and so last week it was my job to inject him with dope. I didn't even argue I just did it. If I didn't he would go down to that horrid place and get one of those scum bags to do it and they could take advantage of his disablity and I couldn't let that happen. So I had too. Ya know how many people would do this? Almost none. Not only that I walked 50 blocks to do it and met him in the abandoned house that we did it in (meaning he; I don't do drugs. I despise drugs.). And he told me that he loved me. And hled me so tight. And we kissed. I never felt so close to someone. But now...this. When he started withdrawing, he got different. Plus I said some stuff I shouldn't have. I was being generally annoying while we were moving our stuff.

But we got in a huge fight which ended with him threatening me and kicking me out. I had to call my brother to come get me. He didn't ant to come cause I live in the ghetto. But I didn't ming because I was with him. I know I sound like an abused wife but it's not like that. He's really sweet and I love him so so so so much. I would do anything for him. I just want him to get clean. And he is. But now I have not heard from him in three days.

He is in detox and my phone is off so there is that. But he should know my mom's house number. I'm just so scared I will never talk to him again. That's the problem. I'm also afriad this was my only chance at love. It's not every day that I meet someone that would be so okay with me being trans. I'm so scared that not only will he never talk to me again but that was my only chance at being with a man. Plus he's really, really good looking. Maybe I'm being stupid. This other really good looking guy was staring at me today. But I always think it's cause I;m trans. Maybe not.

Well sorry for the ramble but I had to get that off my chest. If you read this far, I really appreciate it.

Oh God girl, be careful and you don't need this in your life. Don't settle because you think you won't find somebody else. This kind of situation could wreck your life. Pleeeeeese be careful. I'm worried about you

Joanna,

That's a bad situation.  You didn't need it.  Finding love is tough for anyone and it seems to be a little tougher if your transgendered.  The best strategy is to keep looking.  If your fate is to strike out 19 of 20 times but you never get past 5 tries, you're not going to do very well.  Hang in there girl.

Hugs,

Jen   

I know it sounds bad and it seems like I should check into the battered women's shelter but he is really sweet. For half the time we were there he was clean and everything was great. A lot of stress build up because of my job loss and the foreclosure. I really feel like if we can get past this and both of us stay sober it will be such a storybook romance. He knows this. He even said one day they will make a movie about us. He just needs me to stick by him right now. God I do sound pathetic but its true. I hope it is. Maybe I have the blinders on but I really do love him so much. I don't want to live without him. He means everything to me. And it's not one-sided he tells me he loves me and holds me so tight and kisses meso soft and so sweet. I know I could find another man but not one like him. We have so much in common it's uncanny.

Love is strange sometimes.  When a person is in it, they are in it.

I never would have picked someone like my wife.  But we made it work and work very well.

Hugs,

Jen

Yeah, stay safe. They made a movie about Sid and Nancy too. This is a bad situation and I think you know it.

I hope things get better for you . you just have take care of your # 1  priority   ,your self

Hugs,

I know you are going through a tough time. I hope things work out for the best.

If he is in detox, then he will be a little while before he can call.

Quote from: TiffanyT on November 19, 2013, 10:37:41 PM
This is a bad situation and I think you know it.

I am hoping the "is" becomes a "was." For most of our relationship, he's been such a sweetheart. And I couldn't help but fall in love. I won't lie I want nothing more then for him to come back.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on November 20, 2013, 05:34:58 PM
If he is in detox, then he will be a little while before he can call.

Yeah I figured as much. He should get out by Saturday if not tomorrow. It's just hard for me to fathom that someone who wanted me to move to his parents with him just last Thursday and told me he loved me could just turn that off. And, no, he doesn't show his emotions very strongly, like most men, but I know he listens to me cause he will bring up things I said. Emotional things. I just feel like we make such a great team and he knows it and has told me it. Plus, what kind of person would I be if I just turned all my feelings off when he prolly needs me the most. Maybe I am wrong. But I am generally pretty good at reading emotions. I'm certainly emotional enough lol

Joanna, I don't know if you were looking for advice. If not, just ignore this, but have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting?

Quote from: suzifrommd on November 21, 2013, 07:39:10 AM
Joanna, I don't know if you were looking for advice. If not, just ignore this, but have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting?

I'm looking for advice; I'm not just babbling on lol I couldn't go to one of those meeting though because I myself am a recovering addict. So I'm kinda the reason those meetings were invented. But thanks. I really don't know what to do and it might not matter since he hasn't called or texted but is he in detox but he should be getting out now. It's been five days and he isn't one to follow medical advice. or any advice.

*hug*

I remember, back when I thought I could save my previous marriage, going to a marriage counselor for the first time with my wife.  We both sat down together and after a while the counselor noticed that I never got a chance to answer for myself when she asked me a question.  Finally she split up the rest of the session and talked to just me, alone.

She asked me some questions which I answered honestly and then she said, "You know, that sounds like abuse." 

I was not ready to hear that... I countered with "You don't understand, she's not always like that, it's just that I do things that hurt her or piss her off."

She then asked "So why don't you stop doing those things?"

"I do!  It's just that I never know what it will be the next time, and no matter what I do it just keeps happening."

She had the wisdom to let that sink in a bit.

That was when I realized that even when a person is bigger, stronger, and even smarter than their partner, they can still be abused by their partner.  Physically, emotionally, it all adds up.

I'm not saying this is you, or that it fits your life in any way... I'm just putting it out there in case it helps someone on the forum someday.  If you ever find yourself putting up with treatment you would *not* be happy with a friend or your daughter (or son) experiencing, please give yourself the same advice (and take it!) that you would give them.

Life is too short to spend hoping for someone who is abusing you to change.  They will change, that is a guarantee... but if they are abusive they need to make serious, painful changes inside themselves to stop it.  You can't change them on your own.  And sometimes leaving them is the only way to get them to realize how much they need to change.

*hug*

Quote from: Joanna Dark on November 21, 2013, 10:43:01 AM
I couldn't go to one of those meeting though because I myself am a recovering addict.

That's not a disqualification, Joanna. You are still welcomed at their meetings. Of course there may be other reasons you don't go, but if you have issues with alcoholics and addicts in your life, you fit their membership requirements.

I think you need to look at what your saying. He's abusive, he's a relapsing addict   he's either taking heroin or meth. He hasn't got in touch with me 5 days even though he knows your mothers number ,  but He's really really sweet

Joanna,

At the moment, I would focus on doing what's best for you and improving your current situation.   Based on what you said, he seems to be in a very bad spot and you don't need to dragged down along with him.  That's not a good scenario.  If he is really making the effort to improve, that's great.  But make sure you focus on what's best for you in life and follow through with the proper course, whatever that may be.  I'll say no more as I don't want to tell you what to do because I don't know everything that goes on and don't have the answers myself.  In any case, I'm sorry you went through all of this.  I really hope things improve and that you will find a better living situation and secure employment sometime in the near future.

Quote from: learningtolive on November 21, 2013, 08:53:11 PM
In any case, I'm sorry you went through all of this.  I really hope things improve and that you will find a better living situation and secure employment sometime in the near future.

See that's the thing living there with him my chances of finding good employment are greater than when living with my mom. We lived in the city. I love the city. Plus you can see the skyline...

Well, I saw him today and he wants me to move back. So I don't know what to do. it does sound like a classic case of abuse but I really belive things will turn around. We were foreclosed upon and I lost my job in a most horrible way so it just was a bid situation all around. I don't want to wake up two years from now still livig here all alone thinking...what if? I'd rathetr think i took a shot. And i'd much rather think something like..."thank god I came back...life is so beautiful now." I mean yeah I could get another guy...i know can...that sounds conceited but boys like me...and i look like a dyke...but i like him. Ugh. I don't know what to do. But I won't lie since he texted me i cant stop smiling.

I assume by dope you mean dope? Not just dope like drugs in general or cannabis or something. Like some people say.
In which case, and I am not making any excuse but, no doubt he woulda changed withdrawing from that. That is a serious thing if he was running with an addiction. I have known some people with addictions, good people and they can turn into real donkeyholes when the drugs run out.

I won't give you advice though, it is a serious situation and real life, not the internet. I can't be doing that. You probably shouldn't be going into abandoned houses though and shooting people up, I will say that.