Sometimes all we can is to love and hold each other.

I don't remember the last time I was ever hugged in general. Not even the hi how are you hug. I really think if I ever got really hugged I'd probably cry my eyes out.

-43^oC

 
No one should be without a hug. My arms are open, cuddle in my sister

Cindy

I failed at going through and telling my sister and brother in law last night. Guess I'm going to have to go the email route to let the cat out of the bag.

Walking in 21F weather+tons of wind is NOT fun.

Feel like I've lost my friends. Whether or not I really did.

Yesterday was a messed up day

The washing machine didn't spin out correctly so it took forever to dry my clothes that I had to hang up everywhere all over my little apt. even though I had run them in the dryer twice 

Then I went to a 'pot luck' Thanksgiving dinner in the lobby and my mashed potatoes that I had brought were insulted and ruined by a some brain dead mindless creeps 

Quote from: V M on November 22, 2013, 09:25:57 AM
The washing machine didn't spin out correctly so it took forever to dry my clothes that I had to hang up everywhere all over my little apt. even though I had run them in the dryer twice 

My washer broke and overflowed yesterday, weird...

P.s. Love your new avatar kat, it looks cute!

That general "I don't belong here and I have no actual friends" feeling combined with the message I just received that I will be paid $170 less per month from next year on.....

Quote from: Megumi on November 22, 2013, 08:17:17 AM
I failed at going through and telling my sister and brother in law last night. Guess I'm going to have to go the email route to let the cat out of the bag.

It's ok, it's not easy and at least you had the courage to try, great job hun.

I feel nasty even though I showered last night.
Time to shower again.

I had to go and buy boot polish and deodorant because I've been without for the last week and hadn't had any money until payday today.  One of my friends from here came with me, and on the way there it ended coming out that I'd been suicidal in the past and he started getting weird with me.  I know it's only because he's worried that I'll try something again even though I told him that I've been mostly okay for two years now, but it hurts to be treated differently because of stuff that happened in the past.  Doesn't help that the first thing he said was "I don't agree with suicide".  Yeah, I know, I don't either.  I never wanted to hurt the people around me, but sometimes it seems like the only way out when you've been in pain for that long.

And then because he came with me I had to buy female deodorant.  I can't even remember the last time I wore that stuff.  I can't afford to just throw it away and get some more when I can escape on my own though, and I didn't think to take it back before I used it because I was desperate to put some on before I went out with people to Nandos.  In the end I decided that it was too much effort to go and socialise, even though I'd said I was going for a week or two.  At least I save money.

Quote from: AlexanderC on November 22, 2013, 01:26:46 PM
I had to go and buy boot polish and deodorant because I've been without for the last week and hadn't had any money until payday today.  One of my friends from here came with me, and on the way there it ended coming out that I'd been suicidal in the past and he started getting weird with me.  I know it's only because he's worried that I'll try something again even though I told him that I've been mostly okay for two years now, but it hurts to be treated differently because of stuff that happened in the past.  Doesn't help that the first thing he said was "I don't agree with suicide".  Yeah, I know, I don't either.  I never wanted to hurt the people around me, but sometimes it seems like the only way out when you've been in pain for that long.

And then because he came with me I had to buy female deodorant.  I can't even remember the last time I wore that stuff.  I can't afford to just throw it away and get some more when I can escape on my own though, and I didn't think to take it back before I used it because I was desperate to put some on before I went out with people to Nandos.  In the end I decided that it was too much effort to go and socialise, even though I'd said I was going for a week or two.  At least I save money.

Why did you need to buy female deodorant? I know plenty of cis women who wear male deodorant, and vice versa. Heck, my mother and one of my brothers do. It wouldn't have raised suspicion, I don't think.

Quote from: Kristal on November 22, 2013, 02:39:24 PM
Why did you need to buy female deodorant? I know plenty of cis women who wear male deodorant, and vice versa. Heck, my mother and one of my brothers do. It wouldn't have raised suspicion, I don't think.

I walked up the aisle with my head down trying to think of a way out and he turned to the female side (I was hoping that they would be side by side so I could spot a bargain in the men's and get away with it that way). He was basically choosing it for me and my head was regretting going at all too much to cause a fight. I'm paranoid about anyone finding out, and I'm sure he's seen my leg hair and I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticed I don't wear bras. It wouldn't take much to put two and two together on me. Whatever its done now.

And I've had possibly the worst shower of my life. I'm still not believing that my mind was working that way. This place has stripped me of my identity, my name, anywhere I can be alone and feel safe, my personal space, and now it's taking my sanity. The things we do to be able to provide for our future families, eh?

Quote from: LordKAT on November 22, 2013, 08:33:13 AM
Feel like I've lost my friends. Whether or not I really did.

I know the feeling all too well. They are still there waiting for you. Your true friends will be there no matter what. If they aren't then I'm here =]

Dragons are cool. BTW, I hate ketchup.  Guess I have to be friend and not lunch.

Friend sounds better than food. I'm fat enough haha.

Social dysphoria and a consequent headache. The former I've known for a long time, the latter not so much. No really good coping strategies for either right now.

Likely losing all connection to Susan's... Getting kicked out of a class... Going to face a lot of pain from my mother... Wanting just to die...