Hi everyone


I've been on E for about 8 months now, and about a couple months ago things started taking a turn for the worse. I had a lot of stress going on at college and home, and I hated my body, and I still do. So I started smoking pot and occasionally drinking alcohol. I got a prescription for Vyvanse (an amphetamine) which started to help with things.

Lately though I've been taking a lot more than my prescription dosage for Vyvanse so I could be more energetic and happy. Now when it wears off, I become depressed and suicidal. It's not uncommon for me to pop a pill during the day to get my energy up, even though it says it must be taken in the morning. I don't know if I'm addicted to it or not, but I'm just afraid of coming down. I constantly want to be either buzzed or anesthetized during the day/evening. I'm afraid to mention this to my therapist, because then I will be pulled from the drug.

Now I've been hearing that using these meds can have a detrimental effect on my transition. But I'd rather be high than depressed all the time. What should I do?

Yes, you have a problem with your Vyvanse.  I have ADD and I take it only when I REALLY need an attention span.  In college I had a pretty serious cocaine problem, and see a big parallel with you.  If you are ever take more than prescribed and/or are afraid of coming down from something, that is like a red flag warning.

Tell your therapist you are having this problem. You sound like you could really use an antidepressant, a non-stimulant for (I assume?) the ADD and a hug.  I was you.  I wanted to be numb too, but that was before I went on E.  Transition is a marathon, not a sprint.  You need to focus on your studies and your future.  Don't throw it away like I did.  If you can't focus on your studies because you would rather be numb, you may want to consider temporarily withdrawing while you collect yourself.  I was you and I wish I could have given this same advice to myself when I was 18.

Signed,
An Addict

I am also a recovering addict, and I have some questions for you that I had to answer for myself

Question 1 -- Is this drug use making your life unmanageable? 

Question 2 -- Are you able to safely stop taking the drug  on your own and begin living a happy and joyful life?

Question 3 -- Are you in control of the drug, or is the drug in control of you?

Your post says it is making life questionably survivable, but you are becoming less and less able to manage it.

You evidently cannot stop the drug safely on your own from what you have said.

You tell me if you are in control of the drug -- but be honest, be very honest.

I just had my 5 year birthday of recovery from alcohol and prescription drug addiction, and now I and my Higher Power have kicked the drugs and booze out of town, and I have had a wonderful and meaningful entry into my future as post op.


The answers you have given to those questions show you have a serious problem, and I would hope you would see an addiction medicine therapy team who can help you get off the drugs with as much comfort as possible and work on the underlying issues that brought you into a state where you think you need the drugs.  My GT followed my beginning of recovery and it turned out the Gender Dysphoria was the root of my drinking and my depression. 

Please dear get help as soon as you can.

I think i can help here, maybe...

Firstly, when vyvanse runs out, you should be going to bed. When amphetamine based medications run out, this is the usual result, esp if you are on a high dose, or too high of a dose.  Vyvanse and other amphetamine based medications should never be stopped abruptly, you'd prolly have seizures and could die.   Amphetamine based medications will have you physically addicted after the first week.  You MAY need a booster to finish your day, but you should never take extra, psychosis isnt fun, trust me.  While were on the subject you should NEVER, EVER, drink or smoke weed or both in combination with amphetamine based medications.  There are several reasons for this

1. Drugs like adderall and vyvanse increase lung efficiency by almost 1200%, you will be way more stoned than you realize from smoking with adderall.
2. Amphets. increase your heart rate and blood pressure as does weed.
3. Alcohol is a CNS depressant, Amphets are a CNS stimulant. Never mix uppers and downers first of all.  Second of all, these two mixed together put a ->-bleeped-<--metric-ton of stress on your Central Nervous System
4. Its very easy to drink yourself to death while taking amphets and not even notice your doing it.  You could be BAC .3 and feel almost sober sometimes.
5. Taking more and more vyvanse will end up causing you to stay up for days at some point.   When you start dancing with count chocula in your living room from psychosis, you might not even know.

You really need to ask yourself, Does this improve my life? Am i living at all or a drone?  Am i responsible enough to not kill or cause harm to myself with this medication?

I neither advocate for nor against the use/abuse of Amphetamine based medications, its a choice for the individual,  but i will tell you... I started taking Adderall(illegally mind you) on and off earlier this year.  It was the lone thing that helped me get the courage to come out and seek a transition.   It's also the lone thing that relieves my GD and its related anxiety while leaving me in a functional state to make it through my day.  Its also incredibly dangerous to your health and a high addictive sand trap that will chew you up and spit you out if your arent careful.(assuming you survive).

I would honestly take the time to think real hard about this. If you feel that this medication helps you but you cant manage it on your own, you should honestly discuss taking a break from it for a while until you're in a place where your safely able to take your medication. You could also consider if its available in your area, some places have people who come by and manage/dispense your medication for you if you're prone to abuse.  Another option would be similar but less strong, and less dangerous medications like ritalin or concerta(time release ritalin).  I will tell you, if you told all this to your doctor right now, he would likely pull you no matter what from the medication.  Vyvanse was designed entirely around preventing the abuse of amphetamine based medications.

If you decide to continue your current course of action.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.  Seriously do some research, know what you're putting into your body.  Amphetamines are no joke, they can and will kill you very very easily, as well as, cause permanent brain damage requiring you to be on an anti-depressant for the rest of your life.  Only you can make the decision, i hope i at least gave you enough information to make an informed one.

These are great questions that gave me much insight to my drug addiction. I was also addicted to amphetamines and destroyed everything i ever had loved or enjoyed. Only you can answer the questions below. Dont lie to yourself even though its extremely easy to do. I personally would stop them immediately if your taking for them for recreation and your very depressed without them. If your not an addict you can leave them or have them. So ask yourself this question. If someone came in took them and left without you knowing, would you flip the hell out, go buy more and do anything in your power to get them back. or would you be able to leave them.

Quote from: Vicky on October 24, 2013, 01:10:41 AM



I am also a recovering addict, and I have some questions for you that I had to answer for myself

Question 1 -- Is this drug use making your life unmanageable? 

Question 2 -- Are you able to safely stop taking the drug  on your own and begin living a happy and joyful life?

Question 3 -- Are you in control of the drug, or is the drug in control of you?

Your post says it is making life questionably survivable, but you are becoming less and less able to manage it.

You evidently cannot stop the drug safely on your own from what you have said.

You tell me if you are in control of the drug -- but be honest, be very honest.

I just had my 5 year birthday of recovery from alcohol and prescription drug addiction, and now I and my Higher Power have kicked the drugs and booze out of town, and I have had a wonderful and meaningful entry into my future as post op.


The answers you have given to those questions show you have a serious problem, and I would hope you would see an addiction medicine therapy team who can help you get off the drugs with as much comfort as possible and work on the underlying issues that brought you into a state where you think you need the drugs.  My GT followed my beginning of recovery and it turned out the Gender Dysphoria was the root of my drinking and my depression. 

Please dear get help as soon as you can.

Quote from: Henrietta48 on November 22, 2013, 08:26:17 PM
These are great questions that gave me much insight to my drug addiction. I was also addicted to amphetamines and destroyed everything i ever had loved or enjoyed. Only you can answer the questions below. Dont lie to yourself even though its extremely easy to do. I personally would stop them immediately if your taking for them for recreation and your very depressed without them. If your not an addict you can leave them or have them. So ask yourself this question. If someone came in took them and left without you knowing, would you flip the hell out, go buy more and do anything in your power to get them back. or would you be able to leave them.

A condensed version of what i said,  aswell, i just wanted to include information for all possible outcomes, so she doesnt accidentally kill herself. Which would be a serious tragedy.

10 things you should know about Vyvanse