I hadn't really planned on coming out of the closet this soon (will be months before I start HRT at best), but since only talking to a therapist feels lonely, I decided to talk to an "older" (as in their fifties) couple who are good friends with both me and my parents. They're nice people, tolerant and able to keep secrets. I was still pretty shaky though. But it went better than I could ever have imagined. They were knowledgeable, understanding and supporting. They did however say that I should come out to my family sooner rather than later, not only to give them more time to adjust before I change visibly, but also to give them the chance to support me and participate all the way. Difficult to argue with that. They also made me realize I'd feel miserable if I were to spend my Christmas break at home, not being able to tell them. And they'd probably not appreciate me coming out while opening presents.

So I decided to come out to my family when they visit me; my sister, in-law and niece (who's too young to understand anything right now) were here last Saturday, and my parents are going to visit me next weekend. I also decided to come out to some of my closest friends, and some more remote ones that I only know online, but who can't out me to anyone. It's going way better than expected, I'm amazed.

I started with an online friend - the only one who actually had an adverse reaction. Or rather, no reaction at all. He ignores me now. Oh well. I rarely talk to him anyway, could be he's just trying to figure out a response. A day later, I went on to another online friend, who would be a bigger loss. She's had a sort-of religious awakening, so I was a bit nervous, as you never know what that entails. But she just said something along the lines of "so you're a woman, no big deal. Nothing wrong with that". Turned out she has several transsexual friends. I also told another online friend, and she hasn't responded yet - but at least she told me she would keep quiet and that she needed to process this for a while before saying anything. She'll come around.

Then I told my ex-girlfriend, from ten years back. We're still good friends, but of course this was more awkward than the online friends. But she was completely supportive, too. And she had suspected me for battling with myself for years, for different reasons. So she wasn't too surprised - she just hadn't guessed the specifics. She's awesome.

Later on, I wrote a long manuscript to prepare myself mentally for closer family. I let my study counsellor (who also follows up health issues) read it. His job is being supportive, so no big surprises there. I didn't use my manuscript for my sister and in-law, though. It turned out too long. I always had a problem keeping my texts short. So I just told them how I felt during puberty, went on to early childhood, and then my period of denial after puberty, and how the last few years have brought me out of denial. It went amazingly well. They both told me they loved me, that they'd support me no matter what, and to not fear my parents. My sister said they (my parents) would walk through hell for me, even if they need some time to adjust. She also remembered a lot of the things from my childhood, so she wasn't that surprised.

After they left, I realized I wouldn't be able to concentrate about college stuff that day, so I decided to visit my best real-life friend. She had her sister visiting, so I talked to them both at once. They were also completely supportive and understanding. They had not suspected, but they were still not shocked. It was like the most natural thing in the world. We talked for a while, then we went on to solving math problems, looking at cat pictures and talking about random nonsense like we always do (yes, we're weird). Today, the sister contacted me and just wanted me to know they both thought I was courageous to come out to them like that, and they appreciated the confidence. She also said she actually looked forward to my transition, that she thinks it's right for me, and that she can't wait to take me shopping I told her that made me very glad. I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

So basically, this is going so much better than I feared. I hadn't planned on telling so many people this early, but I'm so glad I did. I dread speaking to my parents a bit less now. It still scares me, and I spend big parts of my days thinking about it. But at least it's only a few days left, and my confidence has grown because of all those other talks. It feels like things are going my way for the first time in my life. Now I just hope it will continue like this for as long as possible; I'm sure there will be more negative reactions when it's time to come out to more remote acquaintances and family. But that's not something I need to worry about yet. So I'm happy.

That's great that you have a good support system now and you don't have to keep it hidden as much. Gongrats! Good luck with your parents, but no matter how it goes remember the support you already have.

Welcome out of the closet. It's brighter out here, and the air is fresher

Thank you, both And yeah, it's definitely brighter out here. My anxiety is rising every day now though, with regards to how my parents will respond. But at least I have no choice now, as my sister will probably murder me if I don't speak to them when they visit. That's a good thing. I'll update when it's done to let you know how it went.

Now I'm out to my parents too, thanks to my sister (she's great). She called me on Friday and said that even though I'd promised to tell them when they visited, she wanted to be there to make sure I didn't get too nervous and bailed (she knows me too well, hehe). So she took an early morning train (and made up an insane cover story to make sure they didn't find out), helped me clean (let's just say I've had other things on my mind lately) my apartment before their arrival, then ran off when they arrived, just so they wouldn't be shocked by her presence on arrival. I made tea, did some small talk with my parents, then let her back in. They were (positively) surprised at her being here, but of course realized something was up since she'd told them she was elsewhere.

So I told them the whole story, starting at my earliest memories from when I was 4-5 years old and wanted the same toys as my sister, on to puberty (I cried a lot during that part, I had to tell them about some very tough and personal memories), and then about my adult life. And I told them I'm going to transition - I don't know when (the only gender clinic in my country is infamous for gatekeeping, and even gate-shutting - I just hope those rumors are exaggerated), but it will happen.

At that point I had imagined everything from being beaten (not probable since my parents probably are the kindest beings on earth, but then people's reaction to this subject can be completely unpredictable), to being disowned, to be ridiculed or not believed, to them giving me hugs, telling me they love me and support me. Thankfully, they chose the hugs and support alternative. They even indicated they would help pay for electrolysis if I needed it, since I plan on starting within a few months (it's only covered by public healthcare if done after SRS. Not an alternative...), and don't have too much money. They also told me they weren't shocked - while they hadn't suspected it specifically, they did know something has been bothering me since puberty; my personality changed a lot when I realized what was "wrong", but at the same time realized society wouldn't accept me if I came out (I grew up in a very conservative part of the country), so I went into denial and grew phobic of not just anything trans- (or rather self-) related, but anything feminine as such. I lost myself, and they've told me they almost felt like their child disappeared back then. Since they also remember my preference for girls' toys, my originally high pitched, singing voice (which became completely monotone at some point due to bullying), and generally were aware that I was gender atypical when I grew up, they had no problems believing me.

So this turned out to be easier than I feared. I'm so relieved right now. The people who matter the most to me are still with me. It'll be a long time until I come out to my extended family and more remote friends and acquaintances (it'll take at least a year before I'm on hormones - and that's if I'm lucky), but at least the worst part is over. I can continue with my life now :-)

Rina,

I'm so happy for you! 

Being in a position of seeing the love of my life not get that sort of support and understanding from their parents, every time I hear about people reacting with love and support like your family and friends you described, I want to give them a big bear hug and thank them, tell them just what an important and amazing thing their love and understanding is.  Their support and acceptance is a balm even to strangers like me, who just hear about it.

Thank you for sharing.

My love to you and best wishes on your journey,

Felice

Good deal. Having supportive family can be a major comfort.