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Being told to smile

Started by Torn1990, November 24, 2013, 12:39:49 AM

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Torn1990




I have noticed through my transition so far that I feel the pressure to be kind-faced, sweet, and gentle almost all the time. When I got into learning more about feminism, and misogyny I understood that I was not alone. often am I told to smile, predominantly by men, especially on the street. 
I find it perpetuates sexism at its finest. We as women need to be strong, educated, and assertive. Needing to be smiley-smiley all the time stresses me out, and I can't stand when i'm told to smile and it's a huge pet peeve of mine when others, esp. other women, tell women to smile.
We as women are subjected to social powers that think we are only as good as we look, and for the convenience of others, we should smile, or we threaten that very power structure by being worth otherwise.
i think this is important for us as trans women to know because i believe we face misogyny as a whole new beast and deal with beauty standards to a much more complicated level.
Anyway, I just wanted to make a statement moreso and see if anyone else can relate to the pressure.


http://www.ebony.com/news-views/when-i-stopped-asking-women-to-smile-981#axzz2lXkKHYhj <--interesting read.
queer, transgender woman, Feminist, & writer. ~
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Ashey

Quote from: Torn1990 on November 24, 2013, 12:39:49 AM
Anyway, I just wanted to make a statement moreso and see if anyone else can relate to the pressure.

Maybe not the pressure to smile but certainly other pressures that women face.

I can't cook! Deal with it! >:(
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Alainaluvsu

Personally I'm all for smiling. When I smile, people are warmer towards me. I do not think that's just a trait exclusively given to women. When I was living as a male it applied to me as well.

If you want to look miserable go ahead, but people like to be around happy people more than grumpy people. I know I avoid anybody who looks mad at the world, whether they're male or female.
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.



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Jenna Marie

I *hate* when that happens, and yes, it gives me a feminism.

Personally, I think I have a whole range of facial expressions between "smiling" and "grumpy/angry." :) I don't tend to smile for no reason, but I generally look cheerful and pleasant, or so I'm told.
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Joanna Dark

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 24, 2013, 07:19:10 AM
Personally I'm all for smiling. When I smile, people are warmer towards me. I do not think that's just a trait exclusively given to women. When I was living as a male it applied to me as well.

If you want to look miserable go ahead, but people like to be around happy people more than grumpy people. I know I avoid anybody who looks mad at the world, whether they're male or female.

Pretty much this ^. I smile a lot more (or try to) but I almost appreciate when people tell me to smile because I think they're trying to be nice and I do want people to want to be around me. It's kind the point of transition. I don't believe they are trying to subjugate me. The only time I can honestly say I was a victim of male sexual aggression was waiting for a train and being told how sexy my little body is and having some random dick start trying to touch me and grab my ass. Then following me all the way to 5th Street. So being told to smile is rather tame in comparison.
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FrancisAnn

#5
I wish I smiled more. I know we do not have to however it just seems the thing to do. I'm going to try harder to smile each time I see someone new. I nice smile on another persons face makes me feel better about them so I'm sure if I smile other people will feel better about me.

Just this morning at Walmart I noticed that several women smiled nicely & they looked happier. I'll take smiling & being more of a nice woman.

Thank you for posting this.

Smile, GF. (just kidding)

mtF, mid 50's, always a girl since childhood, HRT (Spiro, E & Fin.) since 8-13. Hormone levels are t at 12 & estrogen at 186. Face lift & eye lid surgery in 2014. Abdominoplasty/tummy tuck & some facial surgery May, 2015. Life is good for me. Love long nails & handsome men! Hopeful for my GRS & a nice normal depth vagina maybe by late summer. 5' 8", 180 pounds, 14 dress size, size 9.5 shoes. I'm kind of an elegant woman & like everything pink, nice & neet. Love my nails & classic Revlon Red. Moving back to Florida, so excited but so much work moving
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RosieD

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with this just yet. On a good day I will be smiling anyway, on an average day I will ask why and on a bad day it will be more of an I will smile when you stop being a see you next Tuesday.

But then again I am naturally stroppy.

Rosie
Well that was fun! What's next?
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Natalia

I would smile a lot more if I didn't need dental braces! I hate them!

But smiling is a good thing and helps to give your face a more feminine looking, especially if you have full round cheeks! Nothing is more beautiful than a woman smiling!
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Lauren5

I smile when I'm happy, not when I'm told to.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
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Alainaluvsu

Quote from: Natalia on November 24, 2013, 01:21:40 PM
I would smile a lot more if I didn't need dental braces! I hate them!

But smiling is a good thing and helps to give your face a more feminine looking, especially if you have full round cheeks! Nothing is more beautiful than a woman smiling!

You're pretty much right.

Take Facebook for instance - if a girl isn't smiling on her profile pic, it raises a flag with me that she's may be trans. It's rare that I see trans women smiling on Facebook - it seems many are more serious faced (like men are in general) ... or just more interested in taking pictures of their legs, which is another story :P
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.



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Aina

Please don't take this personally but honestly, how does smiling have anything to do with Feminism also this is the first time I've heard of some odd conspiracy trying to force women to smile more.

I like everyone to smile, because when they do I feel better about confronting them and talking with them. I enjoy smiling because I feel people feel the same way.

I work in a business were appearance is everything, I am a Graphic Designer so I smile for my clients, I smile for my friends, I smile for my family. I smile even when almost everyday I struggle with my gender issues.

I have a lot to smile for, and I want that to out weight what I don't have to smile about.

Sure we don't always feel like smiling, but if we don't who will?




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Nicolette

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 24, 2013, 01:41:47 PM
You're pretty much right.

Take Facebook for instance - if a girl isn't smiling on her profile pic, it raises a flag with me that she's may be trans. It's rare that I see trans women smiling on Facebook - it seems many are more serious faced (like men are in general) ... or just more interested in taking pictures of their legs, which is another story :P

:laugh: Oooh, you are so wicked! [quickly recomposes herself and wipes that smile off her face]
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Miss_Bungle1991

Quote from: Aina on November 24, 2013, 01:53:24 PM
Please don't take this personally but honestly, how does smiling have anything to do with Feminism?

Right.

I always thought that whole "smiling makes you look more feminine" thing to be a load of crap. It's just one of those things people like to tell themselves so they have a false sense of feeling better.
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LordKAT

High school students are told to not smile in athletic team pictures. I don't much care for that trend.
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Alainaluvsu

All I'm saying is: if I saw the woman in the poster with that facial expression, I'd avoid her.
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.



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=celestica=

I agree w Torn.
I don't have to smile for no one, it's very disrespectful.
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suzifrommd

The most unfortunate thing about the whole smiling women thing as far as I'm concerned, is that I know my passability is MUCH better when I smile. It makes my cheeks appear plumper and my chin narrower. So if I want to pass well, I feel like I'm more or less required to smile.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Torn1990

here you all go: http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/About :) here you all go Tatyana Fazlalizadeh is pretty amazing.
queer, transgender woman, Feminist, & writer. ~
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Aina

I feel this issue has less to do with feminism and more to do with a social/personal issue for everyone.

Because lets face it men and women come off looking better if they are smiling.

I can understand getting annoyed when you have had a really bad day and someone says. "relax and just smile". I guarantee guys get told to smile in all kinds of situations as well.

Got to go for a job interview? "Remember to smile!"
Going out on a date? "Smile look friendly!"
Starting high school? "Try to smile you'll make friends"
Selling a product to a client? "Try to smile and shake their hand firmly"

These are all examples of when I was told to smile.


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=celestica=

It does have to do with feminism...

being harassed isn't fun.
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