So I've been going to this school for about two months now, as male and stealth. It has been spectacular. I had no stress at all and I was so happy, but I just heard that a girl from my old highschool was coming to my school. I knew her in junior high too, where I had to dress as I was "supposed to". We werent really friends but I had talked to her, and in highschool I sat right behind her. My appearance has changed quite drastically from then (not on T tho), but I have a lot of anxiety that she'll recognize me and screw everything up. I don't know what to do and I'm so worried. What have you guys done in the past where you were in a group that thought of you as male but then someone comes and messes it up?

I haven't been in this situation before but I can put myself in your shoes. If she does come up to you whilst you're with your friends and addresses you by your birth name, play dumb. Pretend you have no idea what she's talking about. It doesn't sound like you are or were close, so just act like you have no idea what she's talking about. If you've changed a lot and changed your name, I doubt she'll recognise you or say anything anyway.

I always imagined that my response to this situation would be something like this:

Person: Birthname?
Me: Oh? She is my sister/cousin/whatever, how do the two of you know each other?

Lol. I don't know how well it would fly since I never did it IRL. I've never had to.

Hmmm that's a tuff, I go stealth but at the same time don't, I usually explain to people that I know I'm gonna be friends with my situation, I feel like going stealth all the way when not safe depending on how well you look as a guy, Ive been in thoes situations the best advice I can give is either tell the girl that's coming to your school that your trans or. because I see it as it's kinda gonna get out especially if you have her in your classes or see her through out the halls atleast that's what I feel like because I have had friends who have did that, I mean I could care less about what peeps think which is why I'm not afraid to let people know, Even though I'm male trans or not, Just keep your distance and not focus on her

do you think she'd take it positively if you talked to her about your issue before she gets a chance to mess it up? i mean like, do you think she could be pro-trans and help you keep the secret? even if not, if you pass well enough and she suddenly turns up and calls you by a female name, it'd be her who will look weird, not you. still, we can't say what her reaction would be without knowing anything about her. like, she might find this confusing and ask you in private, or she'll scream aloud in public asking what happened to your gender. telling her beforehand might be dangerous as well, if she decides to out you to the rest of the school. think about her personality and think how she'd react. make a good decision. good luck!

Yeah I have heard of people going out to restaurants with their parents who are misgendering them and calling them the wrong name. The waiters/waitresses look at them and they just shrug their shoulders as if to say "my mom is insane", it works extremely well.

--Jay

I've been in pretty much the exact same position. I was going to my new school as stealth and there were 2 people from my old school there! I had both people on my old facebook, so I sent them a little message explaining my situation. I knew I could trust one of them, but I wasnt so sure about the other.. I told them both anyway. It all turned out fine Both of them had a positive response and my secret was kept. I would suggest that you talk to that girl about it so she doesnt out you to everyone accidentally.

I should probably mention that one of my teachers called me by my birthname by accident cuz it was on the roster, and then one girl was looking over the teaches shoulder at grades and went "who's such and such?" It's a unisex name, but I go by my male name at my school. And at my old school my birthname was used, so if someone calls me it i think she'll know its me. She's not very social, but I don't know much about her or if she'll gossip to make friends or something. I'm really scared, it was hell at my old highschool. I don't wanna come out to my school, cuz right now I'm jus one of the guys and it feels so right. I'm having terrible anxiety..

Quote from: harlee on November 26, 2013, 05:58:13 PM
I've been in pretty much the exact same position. I was going to my new school as stealth and there were 2 people from my old school there! I had both people on my old facebook, so I sent them a little message explaining my situation. I knew I could trust one of them, but I wasnt so sure about the other.. I told them both anyway. It all turned out fine Both of them had a positive response and my secret was kept. I would suggest that you talk to that girl about it so she doesnt out you to everyone accidentally.

I'm glad it worked that way for you. I really hope if she's confused she'll come to me..