Quote from: Kiera on July 23, 2007, 08:57:55 AM

Quote from: Candi Nahasapeemapetilon on July 23, 2007, 12:08:16 AMHowever, ever since I accepted and decided to pursue the goal of becoming a woman, when I'm in girl mode, I'm totally into guys. I still find kissing men hard to do, but it's becoming easier, and I can only do it when i'm mentally a girl. . .

. . . I think I also have the answer to that. To me, it seems that if I were to date another woman, I would still be the male in that role--a role that I don't wish to have anymore. Perhaps that is a clue. I don't know. Any thoughts out there on this?

Candi, having had over 30 years struggling with this and examining my own feelings on the subject of "orientation" may I submit that indeed you cannot/do not just emotionally "switch preferences" based on how you are identifying and/or dressing at the moment. In the real world where "control subjects" such as current "friends" or "acquaintances who know you" are excluded of course very different people will be attracted to you depending on your gender ID, behavior and appearance and your reactions will be different based on your perception of their motivations but your "core preference" does not change really.

You can be either "active aggressive" or "passive accepting" depending on who, the situation . . .

The answer is quite simple and has to do with feelings about yourself. Don't confuse "sex" with "emotional attachment/involvement". While always able to "emotionally connect" with other females you would definately prefer "straight heterosexual male" sex as opposed to let's say "gay male" sex. This is perfectly normal (for me anyway) and understandable. In other words certain genetic females will always fill an emotional need in you but otherwise you do not really like reciprocating (or having sex) as a male at all.
It's An Entirely Different Connection/Need. Make Sense? 

Posted on: July 23, 2007, 08:30:26 AM

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Quote from: Elizabeth on July 23, 2007, 06:39:52 AMTo be honest, I don't find any of it all that attractive . . .And while I don't object to men and actually enjoy being the bottom, I simply am not turned on at all by men . . .  I simply can't relate to male mode or female mode.

Liz, I had to stop and check the new "orientation" indicator in your profile. You've got me tad confused - your a "TS" who really feels "asexual"?

Love 

I should have made myself more clear. I was only referring to looking at sexual organs. I don't find male or female sex organs particularly attractive. I do however find women attractive in general. While I know an attractive man when I see one, I am not personally attracted to men. Sorry I did not make myself clear about what I was talking about.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Quote from: Kiera on July 24, 2007, 05:26:09 PM
I'm sure many do grasp onto those certain "stereotypical" roles, those expressions as if after a certain straw in a haystack when that really isn't what "makes or breaks" a case, an honest self diagnosis at all!

And that is a problem.

Quote
One of the dangers to individuals who are being stereotyped is that it subverts the process of "identity negotiation," the process of an individual interacting with others in order to create an identity (Kellogg, 2006, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_(social_science)#Identity_in_sociology).  Sheldon Stryker and Peter Burke describe this process.  "Situations, however, involve relations to others; the extent to which persons can verify their identities depends on the identities of those others, on how the others respond to identity claims, and on whether behaviors that could alter the situation to align perceptions with standards of self-meanings in fact are viable. Thus, identities may or may not be confirmed in situationally based interaction." (Dec 2000, "The Past, Present, and Future of an Identity Theory," Social Psychology Quarterly, vol. 63, no. 4, p. 289) 

The result of the "others" in the negotiation viewing the person through stereotypical lenses is often that, intentionally or unintentionally, the resulting identity is created in conformity with the stereotype.  An example of how this can play out has been documented by Sam Winter and Nuttawut Udomsak among the transgendered community of Thailand (Mar 2002, "Male, Female and Transgender : Stereotypes and Self in Thailand," The International Journal of ->-bleeped-<-, vol. 6, no. 1, http://www.symposion.com/ijt/ijtvo06no01_04.htm) Often the result is that, while the transgender person transitioned to escape the cultural stereotypes of an unwanted gender, they fall into a new conformity to the stereotypes of the new gender.  A thought-provoking argument about avoiding this stereotype-based identity is raised in a transsexual.org article. ("Why You Don't Want to Be A Woman Or A Man," http://www.transsexual.org/Roles.html)

sexuality =/= gender



plus if gender is all mental, lemmie just think myself male for a moment so i can go get my car fixed without getting patronised... oh, wait, i cant.

Quote from: Rachael on July 25, 2007, 11:27:52 AM
plus if gender is all mental, lemmie just think myself male for a moment so i can go get my car fixed without getting patronised... oh, wait, i cant.

Uh... I never could get my car fixed without getting patronised.

ive been into the same hardware store as both me, and presenting male (while ago) and i got treated so differnetly...
just looking male gets you the 'thier not stupid' mentality

I'm like Candi in the way that I was homophobic since young (mostly because of what I considered perverted actions) but I don't know if it was my crossdressing or just simply bisexualism etched on me or what amounted to a mental war against "my devil" trying to make me do things that I was disgusted, but I went through three years in my teens of having sexual attraction to guys and warring against myself from feeling it.  I still liked girls (and liked them previously) and I was physically attracted to them but not sexually  (imagine a difference in attraction reaction between the mind and below the belt.)  I actually finally did quash the homosexual feelings, by doing extensive mental programming to change the way I saw things, which also included homophobic feelings.

However, for the past few years (I'm 25), I've been allowing myself to have a physical attraction to guys in female mode, and whenever I think of having sex as a woman.  It usually otherwise doesn't come up, and I'm physically and somewhat sexually attracted to women otherwise. 

It reminds me of a book called "Alice in Genderland" by Richard Novik, who's a crossdresser and while in female mode, has had a relationship with a man for several years, while married to a woman.

I noticed I was bisexual before I admitted that I was trans. In fact, it was through introspection about my bisexuality that the light finally began to dawn about my transsexualism that I'd been hiding from. The puzzle: I feel attracted to men... but when I looked at gay men and tried to imagine being one, I just couldn't. Contemplation of this insight uncovered my deeper inner motivation: I needed to have a vagina. This finally led to conscious understanding of my unconscious gender, to use Julia Serano's apt term. I wasn't a gay man because I just wasn't a man. My bisexuality was brought to light by the force of my inner female gender as it grew stronger.

From my experience, I can understand the apparent shift in sexual orientation that is often facilitated by HRT. I had awareness of my bisexuality long before I started hormones, but the feelings that the hormones developed in me just made it easier for my sexuality to find its own level.

Sexuality and gender, while different, are nevertheless intimately interconnected: Although I felt sexual attraction toward men before I came out as trans, I had no way to actualize that feeling-- because it was heterosexual men I felt attraction to. Expressing my gender as a woman allowed me to actualize my attraction to heterosexual men. A large part of their appeal for me is that they conform with my womanhood. My lack of sexual attraction with gay men was not that they're gay (I'm queer all right) or that they're men (I'm attracted to men)-- but that if I hooked up with a gay man, it would mean he saw me as a man, and being seen as a man always caused me intense suffering. I'm attracted to heterosexual men not because I think heterosexualism is anything wonderful in itself, but because of how they are attracted to me as a woman and provide validation for my womanhood. Likewise, I'm attracted to lesbians because of my womanhood, while heterosexual women bitterly disappoint me when they express sexual attraction to me as a man.

Bottom line, it's all about my womanhood. The only people I can hook up with are those who relate to me being a woman. Anyone who tries to relate to me being a man will get nowhere because I'm not a man and I resent being treated as one.

I wonder if this thread's originator is new and inexperienced at trans life. For some months after I came out, I had a "male mode" at times simply because it took a period of adjustment to grow into such a major life transformation as being an out trans woman. But as soon as possible, I dropped "male mode" entirely, and never went back. All I care about is living as totally as a woman as possible. After nearly three years, I'm finally achieving that goal.