At just the time I get a job as a bell ringer my mom goes bonkers and cusses me.out screaming at the top of her lungs that. She does not want. Me ins elf. Costume. She goes on a tirade about how men don't wear fuzzy things. I tried.to piece. Together a few nice holiday items that are for.men or women...and she yelled at me all. The way to.her.house.after eating turkey. I was toldby.my.employer to wear it. He told us to sing dance.and wear.a gimmick to get people.to.dinar to the charity.  My mom has abused me my whole life off and on since I.was a child. I recorded the whole thing (sort of) and will.show my therapist. I'm 41 and she is still acting this way. She has become a bitter bigoted conservative Christian woman who has given up on life and blames her children for all that's wrong. Myholiday spirit is. Crushed....anxious startwork tommorow....now how to deal....please help me deal....she is hurting me. Immensly

That does not sound good to hold in, so thank you for posting and getting it out! I would let the waters settle and then reassess. Things are always so much more intense in the moment.

Don't worry about "holiday spirit" either, it can seem crushing but everything does pass and the holidays are particularly stressful for a lot of people- perhaps that's what is actually fueling her little flare up in the first place.

It's a very common time of year for things to hit fans, so don't worry- you are not alone. I hope you feel better! You will get through this!

Shawn, you get dressed and go to your job.  If she yells at you, ask her, what would Christ think about how she is behaving.

Sorry you had to go through such abuse Shawn, dealing with abusive and hurtful family members is very difficult, especially on the holidays

Keep your head up and I hope the job goes well for you

Hugs

There is no point asking what christ would think. She will judge regardless. Consider if you need her around and see her less and less. That's probably best.

Thank you.....still very frazzled right now....whole day of things she did are bad. However now she is trying to work on my.elf hat. But. Again called me.an abomination and a freak and wished I were.dead or.never born....it all came.out blaming us for.not being.allowed to be a musician....I will try.to. take it with grace and humility. The girl in me is.hurt also mom said my.fuzzy red gloves.were.for women....not men....its becoming bad. Anyways pray or think of me.send energy. My way so I.can make it to work.

Walk away now.I see little chance of her changing her views

My mother was the same except I had to put up with physical violence as well, I haven't seen or spoken with her since 1988 and will never look back.

You don't need that sort of treatment in your life but in the end its your decition.

Emily.T xx

Shawn I am sending out all of the energy I can. Hope you feel it and get some peace from it! On top of that here is a "BIG HUG" for you. Be strong baby! 

I was taught as a child in the church my parents attended that I should "Love those who are not like me.",  and "Those who are different have not sinned, and are created pure by God." 

I'll admit I no longer have a church or particular faith, yet I keep those words with me, and hold them in what I still consider my soul.  And I always make sure two things are said when confronted by the bigotry and ignorance of my strictly conservative and highly religious relatives.  These are:
1.  "God made me who and what I am, and God gave me the soul I carry in my heart.  So only God can take my soul, or decide when it's time to show grace, and move me to the heavens."
2.  "I live in God's peace not man's.  And although I am asked by God to love my persecutors, I am not compelled to live with, or capitulate to them."

I know this is hypocritical of me after leaving my church and faith behind.  But I likewise try to point out the hypocrisy in the church my relatives follow, and show them I don't fear their bigotry. 

I'm not sure this will help.  But you have my best wishes for a free and true life.

Take care.   K

Why haven't you given up on her yet?  Serious question.  If you had you just wouldn't give a crap anymore.

I think it might be love, or a kind of addiction.  No matter what it is, admit to yourself what your goals really are.  What do you want your relationship with her to be?  Change whatever goals you don't like and pursue them consciously, not just subconsciously.  That way at least you won't be fighting yourself.

I will try to keep you both in my prayers.

It's amazing how peoples thought about Christ get so twisted. It's your life  your the only one that knows what you need . big hug

Let her be the best shinning example of the person you do not want to be. 

Given the choices we have you can choose a way different outlook and life for yourself.

The possibilities are endless and you have the energy to get to work on a better way forward.

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on November 28, 2013, 06:54:43 PM
Thank you.....still very frazzled right now....whole day of things she did are bad. However now she is trying to work on my.elf hat. But. Again called me.an abomination and a freak and wished I were.dead or.never born....it all came.out blaming us for.not being.allowed to be a musician....I will try.to. take it with grace and humility. The girl in me is.hurt also mom said my.fuzzy red gloves.were.for women....not men....its becoming bad. Anyways pray or think of me.send energy. My way so I.can make it to work.

I am very sorry for you Shawn.  That sort of pain tends to stick around.  Forgive her and move on with your life.  You are God's child.