That sounds awful, more cringing than laughter here.
As I understand, the formula goes: injury to testis + blood in urine or ejaculate => ultrasound and repair or removal as warranted. The concern is loss of fertility or hormones - oh the tragedy - or infection -
not good at all. Unlikely so deep in a clean part of the urogenital tract, but if an infection starts, it'll be dangerous.
Maybe you won an unplanned orchi, more likely it's just a small bruise and they'll want to send you home with NSAIDs and antibiotics.
....
Now, I think the lesson learned is to never use the expression "I'd give my right nut for..." Fate has a wicked sense of humor.

Seriously though, supportive underwear, ice for swelling, and get seen soon is what I'd do.