This night I had an interesting dream.

Before starting I need to tell I was thinking of me as bisexual, because although feeling attracted to males in a more sexual way...I always felt attracted to females in a more kind of relationship way.
But let's go with my dream. I am sorry if I am bothering with this long story.

I was lost somewhere in my city...on the old town part...and I decided to hitch a ride. A car stopped and there were three boys inside. Two on the front and one on the  back seat. I sited on the back seat and accepted the ride to a nearby shopping center, where they would leave me.
They had around my age and while the two on the front were typical and very masculine boys, the one next to me was a pretty feminine boy with fragile appearance, very thin and he was probably emo because of his clothes and very beautiful black hair.
I was ashamed of staring at the boy, but I couldn't avoid it. And he was all the time looking at me.
While the boys on the front were all happy, laughing about jokes and talking manly talks, we at the back seat were mute along all the way.
When we arrived at the shopping center I left the car and the feminine boy invited to have dinner with him.
I was about to deny, saying I had to go home, but suddenly the pretty boy said to me:
-  You are very beautiful. I couldn't stop looking at you at the car and I was really trying to hold me from touching your hand.
Then he looked at the floor, feeling embarrassed and said:
- Of course I shouldn't have said this...you wouldn't accept this kind of thing coming from another boy...
I felt stunned. I was never called beautiful by anyone! I suddenly felt all happy and said:
- Actually you are wrong...I felt the same way... I am not who you think I am...I mean, I will explain. I accept, but I need to tell you one thing first...
He looked at me with great interest.
- I am a male, but I am not a male. I am a transsexual and I am receiving treatment that will turn me into a woman....would that bother you? Would you like to date with a boy or with a woman? I say this because I am actually a woman and this male body is only my shell.


And then I woke up...I was very happy, it was one of the best dreams I had in a while!

I never, NEVER, had a dream where I was after a relationship with a male.

Now that I'm on HRT I am having this kind of thoughts...I am feeling really attracted to pretty feminine young boys...I look at them on the streets and I see they can notice and some give me back the same kind of look. I can't feel this way with woman now, only with boys.

Why I am feeling this way? It must be HRT...

I don't know, I don't care, I am extremely happy with this...and I can't really tell why. It is weird...

I never expected to get this kind of change while on HRT. Body changes? Ok. Feeling better? Ok...changing my sexual orientation this way? WoW! Unexpected.

Since starting HRT I've had more dreams of seeing my body more feminine. I actually had a dream a couple of nights ago where I was driving in a car with some man I didn't know and we ended up in a motel room. WE kissed and started taking our clothes off then I woke up. The kiss was very pleasurable .

I've heard it happens sometimes. If it ends up changing me, which I hope it will (I'm currently asexual) then all the better.
I understand though that many MTFs don't want it to change. This is especially true if they are married or in a relationship with someone they love unconditionally.

Happened to me. Girls are nice and all but boys... there's just something about them once all your chemistry is geared towards noticing it. Beware: beards take some getting used to for the kissing. :-)

I havent dreamed in sometime.  That sounds like an amazing dream though.  Once i fully accepted myself and got my transition under way, i accepted the fact that men are just attractive to me as women.  My girlfriends tell me fantasy is a big part of the fun in intimacy btw.  I think i gotta agree with that.  I hope when i start HRT i can get dreams like that.   This is the point where i've also accepted that my attraction lies with gay women and straight men.  Gay men and straight women do nothing for me.  I do really hope HRT curbs that initial type attraction i get to women, not sure how ill handle the switch of pheromones from smelling the female ones to the male ones.    Pheromones drive me nuts, so i'm open to the possibility that i will go straight or male centric with a secondary interest in women.

       I have to say though, alot of the orientation stuff confuses me.  I think of myself in a women/women or women/man way even though i dont posses the parts for experience.   Experience i think will be what causes me to settle it all in the end, once im finally post op. I like new experiences,(men are such a new thing too lol), i always tire of things im not genuinely interested in though and tend to settle back into things i really like.  Not sure if you have similar thoughts Natalia, but your initial post seemed like it could have come from me.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on December 03, 2013, 01:38:22 PM
Happened to me. Girls are nice and all but boys... there's just something about them once all your chemistry is geared towards noticing it. Beware: beards take some getting used to for the kissing. :-)

This is just as scary as exciting to me lol.  I spend enough time posting about men already lol.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on December 03, 2013, 01:53:48 PM
I havent dreamed in sometime.  That sounds like an amazing dream though.  Once i fully accepted myself and got my transition under way, i accepted the fact that men are just attractive to me as women.  My girlfriends tell me fantasy is a big part of the fun in intimacy btw.  I think i gotta agree with that.  I hope when i start HRT i can get dreams like that.   This is the point where i've also accepted that my attraction lies with gay women and straight men.  Gay men and straight women do nothing for me.  I do really hope HRT curbs that initial type attraction i get to women, not sure how ill handle the switch of pheromones from smelling the female ones to the male ones.    Pheromones drive me nuts, so i'm open to the possibility that i will go straight or male centric with a secondary interest in women.

       I have to say though, alot of the orientation stuff confuses me.  I think of myself in a women/women or women/man way even though i dont posses the parts for experience.   Experience i think will be what causes me to settle it all in the end, once im finally post op. I like new experiences,(men are such a new thing too lol), i always tire of things im not genuinely interested in though and tend to settle back into things i really like.  Not sure if you have similar thoughts Natalia, but your initial post seemed like it could have come from me.

This is just as scary as exciting to me lol.  I spend enough time posting about men already lol.

Wow... all of this is me too. I'm pre-HRT and was a fully closeted hetero "male." Now I realize I'm probably well into bi along the spectrum. I prefer relationships with women, but I'm questioning everything other than the "like to hang out with" aspect!

Which isn't to say there aren't guys I like to hang out with... there just aren't too many and they can't like sports [too much]. Fantasies are in books and bedrooms... not sport leagues

Quote from: kabit on December 03, 2013, 02:05:10 PM
Wow... all of this is me too. I'm pre-HRT and was a fully closeted hetero "male." Now I realize I'm probably well into bi along the spectrum. I prefer relationships with women, but I'm questioning everything other than the "like to hang out with" aspect!

Which isn't to say there aren't guys I like to hang out with... there just aren't too many and they can't like sports [too much]. Fantasies are in books and bedrooms... not sport leagues

If you've never dated/been with a gay women, esp one who treated you like a woman.  I'd highly recommend it at least once.  The experience for me was pretty apples to oranges.  Im also submissive though, and the only gay women i was with was dominant and aggressive in most aspects of the relationship, without losing her sensitivity and emotionalness.  Going out on dates with her, was not comparable to anything ive experienced before that.   And i had limited sexual experience with guys, which turned out to be amazing for what it was.   Sometimes my orientation feels like mystery mix lol.

I'm not sure it really changed for me exactly, but hmm... let's see if I can put my finger on it.

I have always been attracted to women.  That didn't change one bit.  Now I know exactly why it is I've always got along so well with lesbians, and even fooled around with some when I was in high school and college.  I was one of them all along!

Guys, well... it's complicated.  Most of them really turn me off.  I never liked macho alpha d-bags one bit and I never really thought of myself as bi/pan until recently. I never ever wanted to give oral to a cisguy, whether gay or straight, be a bottom or even a top, nor do I think I could connect to a cisguy emotionally like I do with women.  Now if I were packing a vagina, though, I can totally picture getting it penetrated pleasurably by a guy or girl.  I also think trans guy junk can be super sexy and I can picture myself going down on one. (if I wasn't already taken...)  Also transguys seem to understand women better than cisguys and I think I could connect better to one emotionally.  And yes, Johnny Depp, Jared Leto, Josh Holloway and Dave Navarro can all have my number.

Again, if you're trans, you're already beyond queer anyway, so who even cares anymore whom you find attractive. 

Quote from: Jill F on December 03, 2013, 02:26:12 PM
I'm not sure it really changed for me exactly, but hmm... let's see if I can put my finger on it.

I have always been attracted to women.  That didn't change one bit.  Now I know exactly why it is I've always got along so well with lesbians, and even fooled around with some when I was in high school and college.  I was one of them all along!

Guys, well... it's complicated.  Most of them really turn me off.  I never liked macho alpha d-bags one bit and I never really thought of myself as bi/pan until recently. I never ever wanted to give oral to a cisguy, whether gay or straight, be a bottom or even a top, nor do I think I could connect to a cisguy emotionally like I do with women.  Now if I were packing a vagina, though, I can totally picture getting it penetrated pleasurably by a guy or girl.  I also think trans guy junk can be super sexy and I can picture myself going down on one. (if I wasn't already taken...)  Also transguys seem to understand women better than cisguys and I think I could connect better to one emotionally.  And yes, Johnny Depp, Jared Leto, Josh Holloway and Dave Navarro can all have my number.

Again, if you're trans, you're already beyond queer anyway, so who even cares anymore whom you find attractive.

This is why im trying to have some fun with it, if i can. I remember when my first came along(we were together for 2 years) we were at each constantly.  I get the feeling im going to have to go through that with men at some point, assuming i can attract one into a LTR.

Quote from: Jill F on December 03, 2013, 02:26:12 PM

Guys, well... it's complicated.  Most of them really turn me off.  I never liked macho alpha d-bags one bit and I never really thought of myself as bi/pan until recently. I never ever wanted to give oral to a cisguy, whether gay or straight, be a bottom or even a top, nor do I think I could connect to a cisguy emotionally like I do with women.  Now if I were packing a vagina, though, I can totally picture getting it penetrated pleasurably by a guy or girl.  I also think trans guy junk can be super sexy and I can picture myself going down on one. (if I wasn't already taken...)  Also transguys seem to understand women better than cisguys and I think I could connect better to one emotionally.  And yes, Johnny Depp, Jared Leto, Josh Holloway and Dave Navarro can all have my number.

I also don't feel any attraction to alfa males or those macho man kind of males, all sweat and dirty, with a big mustache, extreme short hair, eating and drinking like a pig, spitting on the floor, thinking only with their genitals...actually this is a total turn-off for me (for most people probably).

But younger boys...this is now another thing...perhaps this is the way from being attracted to females and then to males...males not too masculine, closer to females, kind of androgenous...I hope I am not too old for this kind of attraction lol

But I am happy to feeling myself being transformed into a real straight girl.

Before I was only wanting to be, but now I am starting to be.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on December 03, 2013, 01:53:48 PM
Not sure if you have similar thoughts Natalia, but your initial post seemed like it could have come from me.

I lack experience with both males and females...for me it is hard to be certain about my sexual orientation as I really don't know if I will really enjoy being with men or with women.

My dreams are starting to tell me men. My sexual fantasies tell me men....but if I am wrong?

I am also a very submissive girl...I have always fantasied about having a strict domme and sometimes I didn't care if it was really a male or female. I agree it is all about making the moment and straight men and gay women could make it. When I was fully active on Second Life I got one female domme that showed me this...the problem is that I don't have any means to be sure until I fully transition and start living as a woman.... I think I'll have to believe only in my "experience" on a virtual world...

I discussed similar dreams with my therapist and we worked on this, with me ultimately realizing that I am bisexual and could go either way.

I often doubt that we actually change orientation during transition but instead come to terms with ourselves and admit what we've been repressing all along. I grew up in 1960s coal mine and steel mill country and "queers" were not tolerated. You were either a manly man or a sissy and if you were a sissy, there would be violence coming. So boys in that environment were taught from a very young age to repress anything other than straight heterosexual desires. I think that in finally coming to terms with myself, I've let go of part of my past.

I will note that I never told any but a few that in high school one of my best friends (male) kissed me and I didn't fight it. He ended up coming out as gay a few years later. I ended up wishing that I could have been his girl.

Quote from: LizMarie on December 03, 2013, 03:22:45 PM
I discussed similar dreams with my therapist and we worked on this, with me ultimately realizing that I am bisexual and could go either way.

I often doubt that we actually change orientation during transition but instead come to terms with ourselves and admit what we've been repressing all along. I grew up in 1960s coal mine and steel mill country and "queers" were not tolerated. You were either a manly man or a sissy and if you were a sissy, there would be violence coming. So boys in that environment were taught from a very young age to repress anything other than straight heterosexual desires. I think that in finally coming to terms with myself, I've let go of part of my past.

I will note that I never told any but a few that in high school one of my best friends (male) kissed me and I didn't fight it. He ended up coming out as gay a few years later. I ended up wishing that I could have been his girl.

I wonder this too. I'm being open with myself, not on HRT... and I think bi is much easier to hide (from yourself or others) than being entirely gay (per your AAB sex). So... if I was all bi along, but only acknowledged women as partners, how would I even know?

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on December 03, 2013, 02:14:01 PM
If you've never dated/been with a gay women, esp one who treated you like a woman.  I'd highly recommend it at least once.  The experience for me was pretty apples to oranges.  Im also submissive though, and the only gay women i was with was dominant and aggressive in most aspects of the relationship, without losing her sensitivity and emotionalness.  Going out on dates with her, was not comparable to anything ive experienced before that.   And i had limited sexual experience with guys, which turned out to be amazing for what it was.   Sometimes my orientation feels like mystery mix lol.

I'll keep that in mind... but I'm not planning to find that sort of relationship until I'm much further along in transition (if not later...). I don't want to be perceived as a guy. I'm also married... though unless my wife completely changes her mind, that will be ending in early 2014. I'll be true to that until it is over (and probably for a while past that... though I'm grieving it now - I'm sure I'll get a second and bigger period of grief when it's actually over).

Quote from: Natalia on December 03, 2013, 03:03:17 PM
I am also a very submissive girl...I have always fantasied about having a strict domme and sometimes I didn't care if it was really a male or female. I agree it is all about making the moment and straight men and gay women could make it. When I was fully active on Second Life I got one female domme that showed me this...the problem is that I don't have any means to be sure until I fully transition and start living as a woman.... I think I'll have to believe only in my "experience" on a virtual world...

Wow... I'm definitely "female role" submissive and always have been.... but never sub like that!

I'd love a dominant horn dog if he looked good and kept that stuff to playing at home. I rather hope hes sexually aggressive at home but not in public(is that even possible for men?).  I prefer not to engage anyone without them making the first moves.  I'm perfectly fine too with a guy that can't keep hes hands(other things too) off me at home as long as he gets my man bits are off limits.  Somehow though i just dont think a guy can keep all that at home where it belongs.  I'd also be just as happy with a woman who did similar.  That kinda stuff is wild for the first while, but it fades and plateaus to a normal level after a time.  It takes ALOT longer when the experience is entirely new though.  I sometimes wonder if finding a super trusty friend with benefits might give me a better clue though on orientation, and enough experience to not be so into it.

           I do have to say, dating straight men, gives you a fairly large dating pool, even if a ton of them are slobs.  I honestly wish there enough trans people here to be able to date within the trans community.  At least then, the person you're with will have a far better understanding of your boundaries and the ability to grow together as you transition.

i am not sure. I was aroused some times when I was touched by men in a sexual way pre-coming out, but was very much into girls during transition and directly post op. Now I am unsure and one thing is clear - in sexuality, being penetrated is quite arousing and in my mind there are then images of men doing that at times. And when I went out one night this fall and we got drunk in that group and some sleazy guy was trying to hit on me and kept touching me - I was oddly feeling arousal even though I did not like his personality at all, as he was so sleazy. Still my body was reacting and I was confused by that. So I can imagine that some things are different or at least shifting in some way - I am not sure. I still dont know if I can imagine actually living with a guy as a SO forever... 

Quote from: anjaq on December 03, 2013, 03:52:02 PM
i am not sure. I was aroused some times when I was touched by men in a sexual way pre-coming out, but was very much into girls during transition and directly post op. Now I am unsure and one thing is clear - in sexuality, being penetrated is quite arousing and in my mind there are then images of men doing that at times. And when I went out one night this fall and we got drunk in that group and some sleazy guy was trying to hit on me and kept touching me - I was oddly feeling arousal even though I did not like his personality at all, as he was so sleazy. Still my body was reacting and I was confused by that. So I can imagine that some things are different or at least shifting in some way - I am not sure. I still dont know if I can imagine actually living with a guy as a SO forever...

You sound like my GG friends haha.  I keep consulting them in an effort to understand the beast that is men. The only info ive gotten is, they're horny, they're jerks, and we love em.  You can add any number of negative statements to the front of that lol.  I'll never figure out if i really like men until i sleep with one and date one.  Fantasies are pretty much that though.  I made a post on the sexuality forums in an effort to get a better idea, but no biters.  Although i guess there arent that many subscribers.

Based on what I have seen, it's fairly common.  I wonder if it has as much to do with hrt or shifts in how we perceive ourselves?  Perhaps it's a mixture of things?

For me, nothing has really changed so far.  I'm still where I was before.       

I guess I've always been bi. For a very long time my fantasies were pretty evenly split between men and women. After starting HRT I've been having a lot of very intense fantasies of men. I think experiencing my body becoming feminized has been having my body looking at itself as more feminine in opposition to a mans body. I get more satisfaction as I see my body more feminine.

Quote from: Sophia Hawke on December 03, 2013, 03:47:53 PM
I rather hope hes sexually aggressive at home but not in public(is that even possible for men?).

Yeah. I mean, they'll still grab your ass in public but that's just part of the fun. :-P I loved it when my last BF did that.

Dayyumm I wish I had awesome dreams like you guys!

All I have are really stupid ones that don't make sense and where I can fly. Now those dreams are pretty awesome.

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on December 03, 2013, 01:38:22 PM
Beware: beards take some getting used to for the kissing. :-)

Ugh, beards, yea that'll take some time, luckily my awesome awesome boyfriend agreed to help me get weened up to full beard.

Quote from: LizMarie on December 03, 2013, 03:22:45 PM
I discussed similar dreams with my therapist and we worked on this, with me ultimately realizing that I am bisexual and could go either way.

I often doubt that we actually change orientation during transition but instead come to terms with ourselves and admit what we've been repressing all along. I grew up in 1960s coal mine and steel mill country and "queers" were not tolerated. You were either a manly man or a sissy and if you were a sissy, there would be violence coming. So boys in that environment were taught from a very young age to repress anything other than straight heterosexual desires. I think that in finally coming to terms with myself, I've let go of part of my past.

Sounds kinda like where i am, though I'm happy those places are drying up and we are being accepted more and more.

I've always been bi, though i repressed pretty much everything till a year or two ago, girls seem sexier to me (more the nerdy girl type, i hate those that try to be overly perfect) but males always have had a special something (something i need look down for) that i utterly adore, i think with HRT will make me love guys more.