Hey everyone, I have been doing some soul searching and recently realized that I can't suppress the feelings I have, I am really transgender. This has been a 6 year process of going back and forth and questioning myself, but I have come to accept who I am now I joined just yesterday and I've been working up the courage to try and come out. I'm having a lot of trouble with doing that...
Unfortunately I'm not yet out of school and it's very difficult for me to try to be myself. It's not that my home life is particularly bad or anything, I'm just really unsure that my whole family can accept me for who I am in that sense. I try to hang on to what I can though, with my writing and jotting down my emotions, even playing video games I play exclusively female (and tell people I am). I am supposed to be a girl, and I can't forsake that or try to run away from my feelings.
Outside of home (or away from my parents and brother) I've been trying to make subtle changes in any way I can to seem female. I've grown out and styled my hair, I'm trying to modify my voice and laugh, and to some degree I'm trying to adopt more feminine mannerisms but that just ends up in my closest friends asking if I was gay (which I have nothing against, it's just that I'm still attracted to females). I've considered just outright telling them, like "Well I'm a lesbian, if that counts.", but whether or not they'd agree with me being transgender terrifies me. I have a friend in Germany right now that I nearly came out to but even that feels very hard.
I guess what I'm wondering is, how should I start coming out? I have two friends in particular I feel may support it (one who might enjoy it, strangely enough). What do you say when coming out is this frightening?
-Samantha ^.^

It is scary right?
Cause you think you might not be accepted or lose precious relationships...

The truth is that nobody will be glad with your decision, but if they do care about you they will accept you and be with you no matter what.

So why dont you start with the most important people in your life , like your parents or your best friend...

I dont know, im realy not that good at giving advises ...but I have come out to a lot of people , no one was happy about it but everyone accepted me, some did it right away ,my best friend for example ,and  others took their time ,my mom for example...

Thats just my story though , you have to be prepared for every kind of reaction, prepare to make sacrifices , you might not need too , but if you are prepared for every possible outcome things will be better...


btw trying to be more feminine , thats a good beginning , the same thing happened to me , you know , all my friends though that I was just gay...
you see , so rare it is , being transgender , it wont even cross their minds,you have to make it clear and be your self,,,do not be afraid...
Still though,,,I understand,it really isnt easy,,,and from now you ll have to try harder everyday , but in the end it will worth it ...

How old are you ? You remind me a lot of myself...like everything you said you are doing , I pretty much have done it myself...

It is totally a scary thought, but I can assure myself that if they really are my friends then they will accept any change I have to go through to be me It does feel exciting though, because I know when I do come out I'll actually get to be me, which means a the world to me.
Some people that understand me the most would be one of my better friends and his girlfriend (I think she actually has picked up on it), plus my ex, which feels so weird to say still after 8 months! I don't know which to tell first but I know I'll be telling one of them first. It's just, what do I say?
I do get what you mean though, that some people will accept it quicker than others. I don't think my brother will ever accept me, we've been on rocky terms before and he barely accepts me as being a male. Other people though will be just okay with it. I'm so glad we can empathize and sympathize with one another though, it makes me feel so much better about coming out
Thank you for all of that I know it will be hard but I know it'll be so much easier to live with myself and I'll feel much more confident when I'm actually female. It's just starting which is giving me so much trouble.
And I'm young enough that I shouldn't post my age on the forums, but I'll be going to college in a couple of years. I feel like once I get into college and I'm on my way to becoming who I have always wanted to be (in more ways than one, really), I'll be much, much happier with who I am ^^
-Samantha

I'm still in the closet myself so I don't know if my advice will be of much help.

Try writing a letter that they can read while you're in another room waiting for them to finish. My reason for a letter is it allows you to explain what you want to say without being interrupted and it's easier to write a few pages of info than try to remember what you want to say when you're looking for the nearest exit. When they finish it they will likely have a lot of questions for you. Try to understand that this is a lot for anyone to take in and their first reaction may be hurtful but give them time. I highly doubt you're parents or anyone has thought about what they would do if someone came out as transgender to them so time and space is important.

I've seen a few people suggest bringing up a topic that involves transgender to gauge their reaction but I have never managed to figure out how to bring up that topic without partly outing myself. If you can bring up the topic beforehand and get a sense of how they would react, than that's great but I wouldn't focus on it.

Regardless of what their reactions may be they are important people in your life and you should tell them if something is bothering you.

Im glad I can help you a bit 

and to add to our similarities , I too have a younger brother that we never really got along well, when I came out to him he pretty much rejected me in a sense , like he said that he loves me but he cant accept it , after that he is the only person that didnt even bother to ask me anything about transitioning, and he also didnt want me to be around him as a girl...Hope your brother is kinda eeer more accepting , still its not a problem though it seems like he is getting used to it now

Hhhhmm about the actual words you are gonna say...I ve tried  a lot approches , dramatic ones like "I want to be a girl " or more serious ones like "im going to have sex change"...Try whatever comes from your heart , whatever you feel at ease...the most important thing though is to make it clear that you mean it...also I really think you should come out to one person each time...it will be easier to deal with questions etc...try something like a date, on a quiet coffee shop or a park...and after some time be like "hey there was something important i wanted to tell you..." or something like that
and about reactions , i usually get the " really?" "you mean it?" and after I say that yeah I mean it people are like surprised but accepting, others ask questions other are kinda shy and never mention it again... and I ve even got some really good ones , for example a friend told me that if his parents wont accept me he is gonna leave his home (heroic ,right?)
Nobody ever told that he doesnt want to see me again , and as my therapist has told me , maybe people arent that bad after all...

Anyway,as I see it you really seem to know yourself, and its true you ll feel much better after coming out ,in an essense you ll know that people who have accepted you trully love you , that meant a lot to me...

you ve been through the toughest part , coming at terms with yourself , after that it will only get better.

I wish you good luck , I really believe that you ll be ok

@toxicfox ,

the letter is also a nice idea, never did it though , not my thing I guess...

I find drunken confessions work well with friends, family is a different matter.  My only real advice here would be to not feel pressured to come out to everyone just because you've discovered this about yourself.  I told like everyone, and it got weird fast when it really wasn't any of their business.

I did it! I did it! I did it!! I can't believe I did, but I just told myself "I'm going to come out to one person today." I asked my ex girlfriend (who is still one of my best friends) if I could talk to her for twenty to thirty minutes after school and she agreed. So at her house, I got her comfortable, held her hand, and looked her in the eyes while I explained that I've had a problem for the past six years and then I just came out. She said my hands were shaking the whole time. She was pretty shocked and kind of scared but I cracked a few jokes and got her laughing about it.
But I asked her this morning how she's doing with things and she was kind of hostile... I felt like I was going to cry all morning but after school she explained that it was just a misunderstanding and she needs time to think things over. However, she did explain to one of her friends what I was going through, because the friend was concerned about me this morning. So now I have two people who know! They still haven't called me by Samantha yet, but both of them really want to help... I'll be telling my first male soon which might be an experience.
And thanks everyone who has given me advice so far <3 I might use the letter in the future for my parents or my best friend's parents, but right now it's easier for me to talk face to face or with my two friends with me about it. I kind of want to keep this thread as like a journal or diary in a sense to help me get through this process.
And Snowdrop, as funny as that sounds none of my friends can drink and neither can I XD But I agree, it would be very awkward if they didn't care or it isn't their business, so I'll try to watch out for that in the future.
-Samantha ^^

Hey everyone, I've been busy with a lot of things this past week, one of which was trying to come out again. Unfortunately, my ex girlfriend is still in disapproval about the whole ordeal... I've been checking in with her lately but she hasn't been getting any better or sometimes ignores me. I will let her take her time though, she's known me for 10 years and she's also very Catholic (which she said does make it harder for her to feel better about it), so I'll continue to give her space until she feels comfortable again
On Friday I told my best male friend, whose first reaction was that he felt a bit dazed by it. He was concerned about how I felt after I told my ex girlfriend (because I looked like I was about to cry all day), and was kind of relieved that I told him. I told him that it changes nothing, and he's warmed up to that fact. He'd be okay if I transitioned, or even if I just was more open with being a girl. I also told another friend later that night who was kind of stunned at first. But the more we talked, the better she felt, and by the end of the conversation she admitted that dressing me up or applying makeup wouldn't be too awkward for her Then the next day we continued to talk and she was even better about it. Neither have called me by Samantha but that's probably because we haven't been together privately since. Telling my male friend was very difficult, but after the first time it couldn't feel much worse. Until Sunday morning when I tried to come out to my mother in private...
...Bad idea. Her first reaction was "No, you're not.". I knew from there it could only get more awkward. I tried to explain it to her and she liked that I was open with her, but she doesn't accept the idea much. I know she's known me all my life and I should've been prepared for negative response but I really wasn't. She doesn't want me to tell anyone else, and absolutely never leave the house with any apparel that makes me look female. She needs to research it more, and I couldn't explain everything to her before my dad got home and we had to change the topic. She represented a cross dresser in court once who was killed by a hate crime, she told me, and really fears me doing anything of the sort. I honestly can't keep this bottled up though and my friends need to know. At least the people who I trust the most, but this is such a conflict
But I'm just going to see what happens. It looks like everybody just needs time. I at least have 3 friends who really want to help, and one friend that is willing to treat me like a girl. So possibly next week I'll be able to just be me
-Samantha

Congratulations Samantha!  You should be very proud of yourself.  You seem to have a good grasp on other peoples feelings, but at the same time, not holding yourself back.  Can't wait for more updates!

glad it worked out

btw your mom needs time...my mom was just like this at first , now she supports me 

Good for you Samantha!  You are so much better off to understand yourself and deal head on with coming out.  It is a big deal and it really is best if you can tell your own story.  You already had one friend tell another and "news" like this is hard not to talk about.  If you tell people yourself then you own it.  If someone else "outs" you they may add their own bias and will likely be less informed.  It does take time for people to understand what transgender means and especially to you as an individual.  I have been out and presenting as a woman for the last year.  It is great to feel like myself but many people will take time to recognize our new name and deal with the pronouns.  If they accept and care about you they will make that effort.  Many times sharing such a profound personal truth can bring us closer to people who may have some private issues they too need to talk about.

There are lots of resources for helping people to understand our transgender reality and most are available on line.
You have so much to look forward to!