Hi!
I'm Rose. I'm 29 years old and an art history student for now (I get my HRT and counseling through a university clinic), though my career goal is to become a novelist. I already have one novel out under my new name with several more on the way so I'm well on my way to starting a career as a woman rather than transitioning mid-career.
I'm still pretty early on in my transition, on hormones for several months but just starting to dip my toe in the water when it comes to presenting in public.
I guess it wasn't really obvious with me. I never really was "one of the guys" and I had mostly female friends in middle school, but for the most part I was pretty stereotypically male.
From 2005-2007 I never really questioned my status as a gay man, and tried to be proud of my status as a big gay bear. I met a wonderful guy (we're still together) and we had great times as just a couple of dudes looking for adventure; I didn't want that to end but eventually I found I wasn't happy being a "bear."
First I tried to be a "femboy" in 2007, except I didn't have the body for it. I started purging and starving myself around that time and it took me a couple years to stop that habit. I didn't realize at the time but what I really wanted was for men to respond to me like they would respond to a woman, and for a long miserable time I kept my feminine side confined to the bedroom.
For a while I toyed with the idea that I might be genderqueer, but the idea of transitioning scared the hell outta me so I figured I wasn't trans.
Then around 2010, I cut my hair in a slightly feminine way and started getting called "Ma'am" at work, and found I didn't mind. I was also doing inventory in women's clothing and jewelry, and working mainly with female coworkers. After a while I started to realize that I really felt more at home as a woman. That's when the dysphoria started.
I first saw a doctor about it September 2010, but it was two years later before I was ready to go on HRT only to be faced with gatekeepers and clinics that said they worked with transfolk but didn't.
I finally got on hormones earlier this year, and have been spending most of the year with my doctor trying to get my T levels down. Had to stop laser hair removal treatments because I ran out of money, hoping to resume them soon.
It took a lot out of me just to get to this point and I'm still scared. I need all the support I can get because I'm very insecure about my masculine fat distribution and general hairiness.
My fiance has been incredibly cool with this. At first he was really hurt and scared, but we've worked through it and he's warming up to the idea of having a wife instead of a husband.
So yeah... hi.
