Okay okay.. I'll leave the account alone.

So I've had 3 people ask me if I was going to release a model kit of my fighter. It's good enough that Rick Sternbach said, had there been another series after Voyager set in the same era or maybe 15 years later, that fighter could have been seen on TV. So fan interest is very high.

I now have access to the gym at work. The physical therapist who was doing the orientation said "Since you're female, you wont bulk up like the guys. unless you take steroids., after I told him what I was hoping to accomplish." Inwardly, I could only giggle and  think, " Yea, I bulked up before transition, lol."

I'm thinking I'm only now appreciating the Orlando quote in Keaira's sig after seeing the movie. Wonderful! 

Quote from: Keaira Raine on December 10, 2013, 05:22:27 PM
So I've had 3 people ask me if I was going to release a model kit of my fighter. It's good enough that Rick Sternbach said, had there been another series after Voyager set in the same era or maybe 15 years later, that fighter could have been seen on TV. So fan interest is very high.

My eyes are geeking out of my head. Cool.

Quote from: big head horsey-face on December 10, 2013, 05:11:19 PM
While looking through some pics on this pc, so I could put one back up, I came across a long video I made just following my dog around the living room. He was playing with a plastic peanut butter container I had cut in half so he could get at the last of it. I really miss the little guy. Its been depressing coming home since he's been gone.

Understood! (hugs)

Writing another post on this site I realised I am learning the difference between being perfectly passable and looking how I want. Pre-transition I just wanted to pass and to live as a girl. Now I definitely have that, I'm even lucky, yet I still manage to be ungrateful and unendingly self-conscious.  I wish I would just get over that.

Quote from: MiaOhMya! on December 10, 2013, 09:51:42 PM
Writing another post on this site I realised I am learning the difference between being perfectly passable and looking how I want. Pre-transition I just wanted to pass and to live as a girl. Now I definitely have that, I'm even lucky, yet I still manage to be ungrateful and unendingly self-conscious.  I wish I would just get over that.

I know what you mean, I spend a lot of time pointing out my own flaws instead of focusing on the good things I was lucky to have.

That's wonderful, glad to hear it! IMO, Seeing an honest reflection of yourself is more important.

Sometimes I wonder if I should write a response in heated threads.

But then I just say "screw it-it's not worth it"

Quote from: Malachite on December 10, 2013, 11:44:26 PM
Sometimes I wonder if I should write a response in heated threads.

But then I just say "screw it-it's not worth it"

I do the same but I end up posting anyways.  I just can't help myself.

These days I just roll my eyes and don't worry about it.

Came home to make pizza. My mother is upset, I ate the peanut butter. It isn't like I can't get more, I just didn't have money or peanut butter at the time. she also wants to go to church in another town and hour away at 6 am, when I usually go to bed. She is mad at me for not doing so every Sunday. Yet she complains that the neighbors mow the grass at 2 pm when she is sleeping.

Oi!  I knew this was a bad idea.  Maybe in a month I can move out. Money gods willing.

Quote from:  MarieI know what you mean, I spend a lot of time pointing out my own flaws instead of focusing on the good things I was lucky to have.

That's wonderful, glad to hear it! IMO, Seeing an honest reflection of yourself is more important.

Thanks Marie, I needed that smiley! See I'm hoping all of this self-doubt eventually goes away. I know I am a woman of trans origins, but really I feel like a normal person in a trans persons body...meaning I feel so pre-occupied with being trans. I should just let it go and live but I think maybe my early transition made me rather paranoid about "people knowing", and now after years of that I've just gone round the bend. Also the hormones sure don't help my sanity I just..agh i can just be such a ridiculous girl in the worst ways.

Guess it's too easy for us to focus on our flaws and forget what we have.


LordKAT: After what I just wrote my advice is to find the good in the bad and try to enjoy your mother until you can get the heck out. Oh and buy more peanut butter!

Definitely buying more peanut butter. I knew it was to be temporary and that living with her was not going to be easy.  It was better than freezing to death.

I think that I should buy a camera,,,my laptops web cam sucks and I d like to document changes with hrt ,,,soooooooooooo
I ll go buy one.

Quote from: LordKAT on December 11, 2013, 01:19:28 AM
Definitely buying more peanut butter. I knew it was to be temporary and that living with her was not going to be easy.  It was better than freezing to death.

This is where becoming more pragmatic serves one well, hang in there Kat! 

Quote from: Malachite on December 10, 2013, 11:44:26 PM
Sometimes I wonder if I should write a response in heated threads.

But then I just say "screw it-it's not worth it"

I do this all the time! But I just don't feel it would be in anyway helpfull to post so I try to ignore it :p

I fricken love Pho soup. The broth is sooo good due to all the herbs that are soaked in it.

I also think it's really healthy for people.

Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 10, 2013, 11:46:23 PM
I do the same but I end up posting anyways.  I just can't help myself.

Lol some opinions just need to be let out I suppose.

Quote from: NathanielM on December 11, 2013, 10:04:36 AM
I do this all the time! But I just don't feel it would be in anyway helpfull to post so I try to ignore it :p

Lol that's exactly how I feel.

Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 10, 2013, 11:57:53 PM
These days I just roll my eyes and don't worry about it.

I try to do the same, but it's so tempting!

Do it, Malachite! Do it! *peer pressure * 

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 11, 2013, 10:58:57 AM
Do it, Malachite! Do it! *peer pressure * 

  The world isn't quite ready yet.

I am thinking that I will never be able to have a connection to another person and it's long past time I got over it. Still don't know how and no one else seems to know either, but I'll figure something out.