Hi all. I'm a pre transition mtf that really just want a place to be myself. My whole life I never cared about my body and always hated looking in the mirror. i didn't know what was going on and didn't really think about it much. I've only figured out who I was in the past few years and when I did it was the greatest moment of relief to figure out why i felt bad about my appearance. To have my eyes opened was the greatest gift of all but it also came at a heavy price. When I started wearing the clothes that were what I should have been wearing all along, it felt fantastic. Then I realized that I have to go back to normal clothes and it was the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life. I told my parents, who all my life said that they would accept me for who I am, that I was a girl and they basically said they accepted me. After that conversation I didn't see my mom for a week and one of the days I heard her yell throughout the house that I had ruined her life. Needless to say, it took a long time for me to bring up that topic. I suppressed it and have had bad gender dysphoria. When i finally brought up the subject again, many months later, she told me her and my dad would never accept me. She kicked me out for the day. I then realized that to express who I was, I would have to leave. I started packing up my bags called my friend and left that very same day. I now have been living on my own, minus a roommate, and have been trying therapist and trying to start HRT. I hopefully will be starting hrt next month after i start seeing my therapist again.
Sorry if this sounds like a jumble of thoughts, but hopefully I have given out information that is sort of understandable
