As some might have noticed, I have not been here for the last few days. So, this is both an update and I suppose you could also call it a rant. So, I suppose I will have to go a bit back to lead up to recent events.
As not many of you know, I have a four year old daughter. My little ball of sunshine as I always call her. Me and her dad broke up about a year ago, after four years of both mental and sexual abuse and it took me a while to get myself the courage to get out of the relationship. About two years before I ended the relationship, I had been getting four to five hours top a sleep at night, which turned to no sleep at all after I broke up with him. Everything sort of sank in and I would be awake for three to four days, and then get a half an hour of sleep and the circle would repeat. In the end, I saw no end to it and started this year with what I would like to call a big bang. I was admitted to the hospital for about two weeks, where I was diagnosed back and forth before I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder)
But, no matter how he treated me or what he did, he was still a good father. Till the 25th November, my daughter told me something I never believed I would hear. She told me that her dad put a candle inside of her. She is only four years old, and it is rather hard for kids to make something like this up, so the first thing I did was make a few phone calls before going to the children's hospital for a check up. They told me since it had been more then 24 hours from when it could have possibly happened, that this check up would not be able to tell much. Then, last friday, we had an appointment with a child therapist and not much came out of that that could state that he was innocent.
Then came the hard part of that day, it was his day to pick her up from preschool and child service told me that they did not have enough in their hands to stop him from getting her. They called him and told him what was going on, and then I got a very angry phone call from him (understandable, yes, guilty or innocent.) And I just outright told him no, that he was not getting her since I could not put her in a place I was not fully sure was safe for my daughter. So, she will be staying with me till she goes through a full medical check up, which is next week.
Now, it seems last monday, his mom called child service to say that I was neglecting my daughter and that my apartment was messy and dirty. Which, nether of which is true. Sure, I sometimes wait with the dishes till morning, or mop the floor the next day, but I do regularly clean and I don't think there is anything wrong that it looks like someone actually lives here.
So yes, the last few days have been, lightly speaking, hard on my end. But, I'm not going to only speak about the bad things that happened. Last week I got a call, that -The- Gender therapist in my area will be giving me a call hopefully before Christmas. This guy is pretty well known here, goes on talk shows here, and so forth. So, there was at least one plus here last week.
Now, I just take everything one day at a time. Don't plan too much and just try hard not to go on auto pilot and trying to get my sleeping schedule back to a good one. It's very likely I will not be popping on too much the next few days as well, but I thought I would give you all an update and I suppose get the last few days properly out of my system as well.
But, as a good saying goes. The show must go on.
