Lately ive been thinking of closing my business and liquidating its assets(as well as some of my more expensive ones i can do without), and pursuing my transition in a different place.  I honestly dont think i can work anymore, its too much, and doesnt seem safe.  I own a very small taxi company and drive one of them aswell as dispatch at the same time.  I can't make enough money just managing the company(even though it even needs that).  If i dont drive one of the cabs i simply wont make enough to survive.  I just feel like it isnt safe for me to drive a cab anymore, esp since they are minivans(the standard here) and they dont make partitions for them(i also need the front seat, parties of 6-7 people are very common).
                    I honestly wonder if its possible to apply for some sort of disability or something, or if thats something i can explore with my therapist. I've also though about moving somewhere more trans friendly, possibly with a close by clinic.(if such a place exists).  I'm also maybe interested in some kind of inpatient or live in type arrangement that involves me being able to get HRT and other transition related services. I would love to give my job a try when the season comes around again, but i just dont know if im really risking my safety.   I've also been very depressed lately.  I wasnt depressed when i came out and started transitioning, but now i am.  I'm broke, i still dont have HRT, clothes help, but it isnt enough.  The things i need just feel so out of reach its incredibly frustrating.  I really dont know if i can hold out all winter while i wait to work again for the money.  I have a little bit of new years/christmas work coming in now, and it difficult at best to do even that little amount of work.   I dont even want to get out of bed or take a shower anymore, and the only time i can feel half way decent is when i get really dressed and done up and go out.
              I'm actually trying this upcoming week to stay in touch with my friend and neighbor(she is also very depressed as it were), we are going to try and keep each other positive i guess through the week.  Or at least, keep ourselves out of our heads, since neither of us is really working right now and there arent many people around.  I'm not sure, but being stuck at home and broke, has made this considerably worse on me.  I just hate feeling like i wish i was dead, or ill never get the chance to be the person i am, its absolutely shredding me.  I just cant take looking like a guy anymore, sometimes i dont even want to shower cause then i gotta see myself naked.  I look decent when im dressed and done up, but some things i just cant hide.  My beard grows in so fast, i have to remove my makeup and shave midday because the hair has grown through my foundation and then some.  Now i have to even take days off and let my hair grow in and skin take it easy.  I keep getting a bunch of bits of skin that makes everything rough if i shave alot.
             

            I just really need some advice or even guidance on what i can do.  I dont think i can continue on the path im on now.  I really feel a sense of urgency(and have for some many months) with regards to transitioning.  I just dont know what to do, im stuck, im ready to begin laser/hrt, but i cant.  I really am having trouble sorting through this
                   

It's hard to say depending on where you live like what state and your age, money you can do a inpatient type deal. I know I was able to do it but I wax a minor and kept in the state juvenile hospital for a little over two years

Quote from: gowiththeflow on December 14, 2013, 11:52:17 AM
It's hard to say depending on where you live like what state and your age, money you can do a inpatient type deal. I know I was able to do it but I wax a minor and kept in the state juvenile hospital for a little over two years

If i liquidate my assets i could go just about anywhere in the usa. and i live in NC now.  I cant afford insurance, and am not poor enough to apply for medicaid or something, so going somewhere i can get lowcost/free health care would be a plus.  Im sure i cant afford OOP inpatient unless they are taking me for free, and if i cant go on HRT there, there is no point anyways.   All of my health care too for a time is going to be crazy expensive, not even sure working is worth it even when i could probably get better and more health care not working or having anything. im only making about 20k a year so what i can do after 10k in rent and other bills per year is limited.

Hum... Idk really then. That sounds tough. I would say research the places that offer low cost or free trans health care. I mean you don't want to break the law or get committed as a ward of the state just to transition so finding a state/county with a good program might be a good idea. Unless you want to apply to UC Berkely? They supposedly take care of their trans students

Quote from: gowiththeflow on December 14, 2013, 01:00:06 PM
Hum... Idk really then. That sounds tough. I would say research the places that offer low cost or free trans health care. I mean you don't want to break the law or get committed as a ward of the state just to transition so finding a state/county with a good program might be a good idea. Unless you want to apply to UC Berkely? They supposedly take care of their trans students

Yeah, i dont know anything to be honest.  To a degree though, i feel as though GD and its associated effects is preventing me from working properly or possibly at all.  I honestly dont know what to do, nor do i know what effect HRT will have even.  Berkeley is an ivy league college, id never get in there, or afford it for that matter.  I really just dont know where to begin looking or even what help is available.

You could just hide your transition while your on hormones for like the first 8-18 months and save up for ffs. Once your a cute and passable tgirl I know in Florida it's a lot easier to get hired. Then you could like challenge the CNA test or do a 12 month Lpn program

Quote from: gowiththeflow on December 14, 2013, 02:15:28 PM
You could just hide your transition while your on hormones for like the first 8-18 months and save up for ffs. Once your a cute and passable tgirl I know in Florida it's a lot easier to get hired. Then you could like challenge the CNA test or do a 12 month Lpn program

Im already out and dressing, literally everyone in town knows.  I couldnt hide it anyways if i wanted to tbh.

Hum.... If you pass and your worried about people knowing you can relocate to a different place. That's what I did after college finished I moved somewhere different

Quote from: gowiththeflow on December 14, 2013, 02:45:40 PM
Hum.... If you pass and your worried about people knowing you can relocate to a different place. That's what I did after college finished I moved somewhere different

Sigh you arent understanding this at all.

I'm sorry. Pm me

Hi Sophia, sorry about your issues ryt now:(. Vancouver BC has a good program for residents. If you ever are thinking of liquidating your assets ,move here, I also have a electrolysis machine to help with your beard... If you would like any info pm me,

Quote from: transvancouver on December 17, 2013, 07:18:52 AM
Hi Sophia, sorry about your issues ryt now:(. Vancouver BC has a good program for residents. If you ever are thinking of liquidating your assets ,move here, I also have a electrolysis machine to help with your beard... If you would like any info pm me,

Yeah pm me some info.  I'm hardly attached to america.

 It seems like you are at a fork in the road, possibly liquidating your assets and moving to start a new life somewhere else. This sounds like what I'm going through, as I'm contemplating leaving the air force to start transition and further my education. Just make sure you have a surplus of funds to get yourself on your  feet as well as your transition cost. If you don't take chances, your life will never change