I'm feeling really lonely tonight. It's my first full day living alone for the first time since 1991.
I had hoped my daughter would spend last night over here. But as the movers were finishing their loading and I was getting ready to follow them here, my wife announced that she wanted to take her to see the new kittens she'd picked out – apparently joining the household to coincide with my departure. She "didn't want to take such a big step as adopting them without my daughter at least meeting them first". (I suppose it is POSSIBLE that my loving, accommodating, good hearted, accepting daughter MIGHT say "No mom. I don't like those kitties. Let's find two other ones." In some other universe.)
I know this was a power play on her part, but I feel like my hands are tied when it comes to responding. I can't make this about me. If we fight about where my daughter will go and when, it will tear her fragile 16-year-old heart even worse than it's already torn. I just told her, as nonchalantly as possible, to enjoy her day and to bring a sleeping bag if she wanted to come over later, since the sheets might not be unpacked. If she doesn't come, I would be happy to talk to her on the phone.
She neither called nor came over. This should be no surprise. My daughter's volition tends to be a bit scattered. At least once a month she'll tell me, "I'm going to invite xxx over this weekend", which comes and goes without her lifting a finger to contact xxx.
I'm out of sight now, and though probably not out of mind, at least in a place that requires overcoming inertia to contact me. We had conversations in the past months about the logistics of splitting her time between the two residences, but I wonder now if they were just more fanciful musings on her part, and I've allowed my hopes to rise on the emotional whims of a teenage girl. If my wife continues to try to distract her from interest in coming over here, there really is nothing I can do about it and that it may be a long time before I spend any time with her again.
Tonight I feel like I've been cast into exile, washed up to live out my days on some remote island to the relief of all who no longer have to deal with my craziness.
